Category Archives: Self-Love & Care

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The Secrets of Happy Fetish

December 10, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I am curious to know if its bad that I keep the BDSM thing strictly to the bedroom. Can you please explain how it works as an everyday lifestyle thing? How does one live the lifestyle without it being an abusive relationship?

Kind Regards, L.

~~~~~~~~~

Hi L,

I am waiting for My morning coffee to kick in, so please read this with a splash of humor, as I intended it.

The answer is NO, I cannot explain the answers to your questions because your questions are like: What is the purpose of Life? and What is the meaning of the Universe! Any answers to such questions will be subjective – just like the concepts of what is right and wrong for your relationship would be.

What I can offer is:

The Secrets of Happy Fetish

  • ALL things originate and end with SELF-Control: What you will and will not do/accept/reject, etc. are up to you to choose for yourself.
  • SELF-Love and Respect are integral parts of Self-Control because all CHOICES We make – whether We acknowledge that they are Our choices or not – are in direct correlation to how much We love and respect Ourselves.
  • Personal Responsibility is the Truth of All Matters.  Everything else is One’s perspective (usually based upon what We avoid facing about Ourselves).

I know, tough concepts. But really think about them and observe the evolution of your perspectives as you consider them in relation to your past and present experiences. Then, you will notice how these concepts apply in your future. This is a continuously evolving process as Our consciousness grows. It is a very powerful tool for creating Happiness.

Now, as for keeping BDSM in the bedroom, that is completely your CHOICE.  If you choose to expand from kink to Lifestyle Experience, that, too, is your CHOICE – which includes how you will DESIGN your relationship(s) with the people you CHOOSE to have in your life.  You are the creator of how BDSM and Dominance/submission – and EVERYTHING ELSE – will be in your life.

When you operate with Self-Love and Respect with Self-Control, you take Personal Responsibility for your Life Choices. This does not excuse the “creepazoid factor” – it means that instead of blaming yourself, everything, and everyone else for your experiences, you choose to learn from them and forgive yourself and others so that you can move on to freely create your Happiness.

Abuse is an agreement.  Yes, that’s also a tough thought to consider, but all effective therapies that actually help people to heal from abusive relationships involve the 3 steps I listed above and usually begin with taking Personal Responsibility for being in the relationship. It is important to note that Personal Responsibility should not be about making yourself or others wrong. Personal Responsibility IS about allowing the experience to be part of your process of evolution. Forgiveness is a huge part of that process because We must give up Our attachments to belief systems that do not support Our Happiness (the could-would-should’s).

Do understand that My Domain is uniquely Mine and that I advocate on a continuous basis that everyone is responsible for designing their Lifestyles on their terms. Having said that, here’s how I work D/s and BDSM in My Life:

1)    One of My tenets is, “From each according to his ability, to each according to My Desires” (a little Play on Marx and Engels).  So, each person who AGREES to My Terms to be allowed the enjoyments of My Domain offers unique qualities for My Happiness – or they are dismissed. End of discussion.

2)    I am a Harmonious Domme, meaning that all that drama-not-on-Broadway is not for Me. I like peace and beauty and lots of joyful amusements! My PleasurePain™ Techniques are rewards for good and proper service. My punishments are withholdings of pleasure (to put it very simply).

3)    While I am open to suggestions, it’s ultimately My way or not at all. If anyone discovers that they do not wish to comply, they are free to go. I will wish them well. Next!

4)    The VAST majority of My submissives and admirers are NOT sexual in nature (and the lucky few have cultivated the magnificence that makes them worthy!). Since most people sleaze around in the kink-mentality and call what they’re doing, “fetish,” they are too limited to comprehend the tremendous value that exists in higher-level living. I offer a LOT of FREE Mentoring; the worthy do the work. I have no concern for the rest.

5)    Which brings Me to: I take excellent care of Myself and I want what I offer. I deserve THE BEST. I do not accept anyone who identifies with being a “lowly” anything; been there, done that, it was boring.  I want people who are interested in BEING the Best they can be on a regular, evolving basis. This makes My Domain difficult for fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers and a True Paradise for the worthy.

How I Implement The Secrets of Happy Fetish

1)    I look at each individual as an adventure and an opportunity to be an amazing chapter in My Life Story. How they show up is their choice.

2)    I stay true to My Self. I know what I want and choose for My Domain. I have learned – and continue to learn (without judging MySelf) – that whenever I think I’m being kind and deviate from what I want and from following My instincts, “turdity” will occur! I have committed to no longer taking pity on people. As I stated, I want what I offer and I deserve The Best. I choose not to accept the pitiful into My Domain because they never want to elevate their consciousness to being their bests; they always, only want to bring you down. Giant yawn…

3)    When people disappoint Me, I FORGIVE Myself first and foremost because in doing so, I give Myself the opportunity to learn about Myself and My Journey to enhance My Happiness.

a)    While I recognize “turditude,” I follow Don Miguel Ruiz’s advice in THE FOUR AGREEMENTS and I don’t take it personally because I understand that people act out against their truths and project that onto you because they are afraid to face their own, ugly realities. This is not an easy practice, but it is always worth the effort!

b)    This practice also keeps Me forever positive and feeling – and looking – fabulous! You know what they say: Looking good is the best revenge… Fortunately for all The Universe, I don’t do revenge; I Trust Karma. Karma never lets you down.

If you’re looking for “how to” do your fetish, I advise you to do a LOT of research and consider the source carefully. As I’m sure you’re aware, the majority of creeple you’ll find on popular websites are just takers-fakers-shakers-noise-makers who mostly blab to convince themselves of their fantasies and offer nothing of value.

You can take advantage of all of My Complimentary Gifts on My Websites and, if what I believe resonates with your Truth, you can choose to indulge in My Webcam Workshops.

Wishing you All The Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Spiritual Crap In Fetish?

  • NOTE: This letter was edited to protect the identity of the writer from more ridicule than usual.

November 20, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

What’s with all this spiritual crap?  Nobody wants to read that on a fetish blog…  You shouldn’t quote The Bible… I’d go to church if I wanted that…  If You’re supposed to be a Domme, You should be writing about BDSM instead of wasting our time…  Stick to the topic or I’ll stop reading Your Blog…

Signed by a self-obsessed turd

~~~~~~~~~

Attention turd — and anyone else who feels this way:

I recommend you read Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude for a concept that is evidently foreign to you, but will change your life for the better.

This is MY Blog, in which I offer bits of My Expertise and life hacks FOR FREE as a public service because:

1)  The vast majority of people interested in BDSM these days (especially in the 50 Shades of Foolishness era) are incredibly stupid.  Yes, stupid.  They are also only interested in abuse — not BDSM or Fetish — in one foolish way or another to avoid facing how much they feel inadequate and dislike themselves.  I find these people tedious, wastes of oxygen and MY Blog serves ME by deflecting morons from Me and Mine — well, most of them any way…

2)  This may be a shock to you but the world – and especially, MY World — does not revolve around you.  I am NOT interested in any way, shape or form in what you want.  Period.  you (1) offer NOTHING of value, (2) have not donated to any of My Charity Works, and (3) represent an example of the decline in civilization with your ego-maniacal obsession.  So, I use you for My purposes:

  •  to avert other creatures like you away from the Greatness of My Domain; and
  •  to be an example for My Domina101™ Divas of how easy it is to dismiss zeroes from One’s Domain by not only NOT caring about them, but by letting them know I don’t care about them; they do not matter.  The need to matter is, after all, the greatest desire that fakers-shakers-takers-noise makers crave because none of you care for or about yourself either.

3) I offer MY Expertise and experience to and for those who are worthy and  living up to their own greatness.  I’m interested in inspiring and connecting with the kinds of people I’d like to know to BE BETTER & BETTER and to have BetterFetish™ in REAL life — not just pretending with silliness and silly people on revolting websites.

Normally, morons stop reading MY Blog as soon as personal responsibility and self-reflection is discussed and go away to find the sleaze they’re actually looking for.  If you can’t figure out how to unsubscribe, use Google to search for something other than porn for a change.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Dealing With Disappointing People

SPECIAL Opportunites: Check out My Newsletter!

November 11, 2014

Note: I receive numerous correspondence (yes, grammartically correct) about people who betray Our Trust and Friendship – especially since a person who considered herself a professional Domme and “My” best friend outted My submissive in a public venue (causing him child custody problems) and continues a claim-to-fame by using My name… yawn.  Glad I don’t have her Karma ahead!  This entry is advice that helps to put your perspective where it belongs: On Your Greatness.

~~~~~~~~~

I’d like to offer these Gems that I’ve learned the hard way (but that’s what makes them Diamonds – to use a metaphor!):

Someone wrote to Me:

I realize that I have been making myself wrong for feeling “ugly” towards certain people. I take on the responsibility for things that happen even when I am not the reason things happened the way they did…  I am not powerful enough to be the cause of everything that happens between me and others in my life.

Actually, We ARE that powerful, but not in the sense of perceiving cause-and-effect in such black-and-white terms.  I’ve learned that Free Will is also not so simple and that most people make choices based on FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real) and FEAR lives strongest in the subconscious mind.

The thing about the subconscious mind is that We must practice Awareness in order to be free of FEAR and evolve to Being Better.  This is an extremely scary, and often, difficult thing to do which is why most people spend time finding fault to blame others rather than looking at what motivates their actions to do so.

In this age of information overload, the impulse to be distracted seduces the “lesser mind” – hence the inundation of UGLY amusements – e.g., the fake “reality TV” shows where the most banal behaviors are “entertainment.”  And people wonder why their children are so abominably behaved when the constant input into their own and their children’s conscious and subconscious brains is nothing but degrading negativity.

We cannot escape it; We can only strengthen Our SELVES to DEFLECT it.

Now, here’s where those of Us who practice Awareness get tripped up: We judge Our valid feelings.

We have the right to feel hurt, betrayed, etc. when people disappoint Us.  But here’s the thing:

  • We are not wrong for trusting someone at their word; they FAILED to live up to it.  Your word is ALL You have, You are.  Your Word is Your Power – every religious and wisdom doctrine and philosophy says so.  For example,

John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

 —  Please note that I am not a Bible-thumper; I use whatever wisdom is available to help Us connect on Our Highest Levels.  I believe that this is the whole point of having all of these wisdom sources available to Us.

  • When people disappoint Us, they are giving Us GIFTS to:

~ see their true worth and to re-categorize their value in Our lives from this point forward.  My Mantra:  I love you for who you were in My Life and I release you for who you choose to be.

~ see the opportunities for Our growth and the variety of choices We HAVE to commit and re-commit to BEing Our Best

~ practice DETACHMENT, which is not ,”NOT caring” – it’s caring more for Yourself to maintain Your Wellness.  Forgiveness is the Key – and forgiveness is not forgetting or saying that it’s OK that they were poopheads.  Forgiveness is FOR You to be free of torturing Yourself for their failures.  Forgiveness is also so that You don’t get wrinkles and frown lines!

  • The situation itself IS WHAT IT IS.  EVERYTHING else is Our judgment of it.  I know, that tight grip right in the heart-solar-plexus area kicks in.  But right there is the best indication that LETTING GO is required.  We have to LET GO of Our woulda-coulda-shoulda habits and expand Our Awareness for what We can do and BE Better.
  • We also have to be kinder to Ourselves and permit Ourselves to have the full spectrum of the human experience on this Earth plane at this time.  We can only do that by releasing preconceived notions of what a situation  should be (ego) – including Our feelings – and allow Ourselves to respond from conscious choice rather than to react from FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real = expectation).

This is why meditation is NECESSARY to BE Our Bests.  We need to fortify Our SELVES in order to deflect the ridiculousness and stay focused on Our Truth.  I like to envision wearing a suit of glorious armor made of mirrors when dealing with knuckleheads.  I let their negative energy be reflected back to them to see their true selves and be inspired to evolve.

Also, by considering offensive behaviors and people as giving Me gifts makes them useful – which is always easier to deal with them accordingly.

So, We ARE that powerful and the power is to recognize that their failure is NOT Our doing: It could not have been any other way than the way it was.

Our power comes from consciously choosing Our next steps from a place of Self-Love, which does not preclude love for those who have offended Us.  We can choose HOW to love them – which, in My case, usually means cutting them out of My life completely so that no one ends up dead or in jail! Ha!

Karma is a fabulous thing: people cannot escape their Truth, no matter how hard they try.  They just delay the inevitable.  And when they must face their Truth, they always come back...  And that’s the best part because I’m a Sadist Who, while I forgave them a long time ago, I don’t let them have the comfort that they came to Me to feel forgiven for their offenses against Me.  Their guilt is their problem and their Karma.  MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Success With Body Care Recipes

NOTE: This letter was edited to protect identities.

September 13, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

i am writing to thank You for Your Body Care Recipes.  i have been competing with my brother submissive for my Domme’s favors and to accompany Her on a vacation.  he is very handsome and younger than i am and he knows how to use what he has.  So, i always feel like i have to work harder to please my Mistress.

i read Your article (Happy New Year Love Me Recipes 2014) and immediately felt great!  i really enjoy how something so simple and easy to do can make such a big difference.  In just a week, i noticed a difference in how i looked and how good i felt – physically and personally.  my skin is soft and looks healthier.  And i’ve noticed little pimples on my skin are almost gone!  Best of all, my Domme has noticed and says She enjoys Playing with me even more!  Yesterday, She gave me the privilege of joining her on vacation!  She told me to give You Her thanks, as well.

Thank You, again, cherub

~~~~~~~~~

Dear cherub,

you’ve made My day!  It is always wonderful to know that what I share is appreciated!  I am delighted for you and Your Domme!  Have the best vacation ever!

Thank you for letting Me know about your success!  I promise to share more goodies in the future.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook©Mss Didi* ~ PartyDomme.comhttp://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Rejection

Dear Mistress Didi*,

i’ve done everything to make a particular Domme accept me for service and She said no.  I can’t understand why and not knowing what else to do is really bothering me.  i’m going to see Her this weekend at an event and confront Her.  Do You have any advice for me?

‑ notta quitter

Dear notta quitter,

Whenever you are rejected, remember 3 things:

1)    Trust that there is something (or someone) that is right for you;

2)    Look at rejection as an opportunity to learn from the experience.  Ask yourself these valuable questions:

  • How do you feel?  Angry, belittled, despondent, etc.?  Negative feelings are indications of what you feel you’re lacking in yourself.  All too often, We can set Ourselves up for let-downs because We are placing Our self-valuation on another person’s response to Us.  In other words, you are defining your worth based on another person’s treatment (acceptance) of you.
    .
  • Why do you feel this way?  Be honest.  Looking for the answers to this question will show you the covert, manipulative thoughts that are your hidden expectations.  Most of the time, your reaction to rejection is based on the fact that you can’t have the fantasy you created in your head.  There are no guarantees in any relationship.  All things must be agreed to and worked on with integrity.
    .
  • What qualities do you really desire to have in your life?  This question is important to determine not only what and why you want to be in service (or be in any situation), but what type of person (or situation) you are willing to commit yourself to having in your life.  Yes, commitment is paramount.  No Quality Domme wants to put the effort into training you to Her liking for you to do a half-hearted job, even at failing.  Failure ALWAYS occurs when the idea of service in your head has no relation to the reality of actually doing anything to serve.  Dedication must be the fuel for your desire in order to achieve your goals.  When you know the type of person or situation you want in your life, only then can you make the proper commitment and be worthy of having Her or it.
    .
  • What can you do better next time?  Never give up your search for the right Domme and, many times, you must deal with trial and error.  But each experience will teach you something about yourself IF you are willing to learn instead of playing the make-wrong-game.

I have provided a most valuable and complimentary service to The Community to educate folks in Fetish Etiquette because I detest the lack of grace and manners that abominate The Scene.  Download My Complimentary, How To Present yourself To A Mistress Guide (which is also an excellent tool for Dominants to use as a resource) and READ IT.  I highly recommend that Dominants refer prospective subs to read it as a primer.

Now, I’ve taken the time to write the guide and I’m even offering it for FREE.  I refer ALL to read it and I measure the worth of a potential submissive based on how s/he approaches Me.  It is always clear whether or not a person reads My guide.  It is a very useful tool for measuring a person’s dedication from the very beginning.

3)    Let it go.  Don’t be an annoyance; respect the rejection and move on with your life.  Do not harass and definitely do not become an idiot-stalker – get a life!  And be responsible for your life.  The longer you hold onto things that are obviously NOT for you, the longer you will stifle the achievement of your goals. If your paths cross, be polite and say hello, and leave it at that.  If you find yourself continuing to fixate on a situation that has been made clear is NOT for you, seek professional assistance because there is definitely something wrong with your way of thinking that will only cause you grief and trouble on a variety of levels.  Choose to be healthy and well mentally, physically, and spiritually.

You must understand:

1)    It is a Dominant’s prerogative to accept and/or reject anyone She wishes from Her (or his) Domain.  She does not have to give you a reason and it is often best not to know Her reasons.  Sometimes, a Domme is looking for something specific and most will outline Their requirements in Their web pages and online profiles.  It is probable that your skill set, etc. does not meet what She is looking for and nothing more than that.  Spending time trying to figure out why another person does whatever they do is a waste of your time.  I am the type of Dominant Who definitely tells you why I reject/eject you from My Domain with the purpose of you (1) making improvements to whatever caused you to be rejected and (2) assisting you to not waste any more of either of Our time and to find the right Dominant for you.  However, not every Dominant is like Me.

2)    The sad truth is that the VAST majority of “submissives” are not truly submissive at all.  Basic manners, paying attention to requirements to apply for service to Us, reading information about Who We Are and What We Want, and everything that should be common sense and courtesy are usually ignored because most people are only interested in their kinks and fantasies of how they want Us to serve themSee “submissive vs. substandard.”  Did you follow instructions when you applied for service to Her?  Or were you in a hurry?  Did you even read the information She provided for you to understand what She wants and how She wants it?  Or did you just lust over Her photos?  We really do have better things to do than deal with time-wasting-energy-thieves, which is why We take the time to write Our requirements for all to read.  As I’ve mentioned, I require all potentials to read My Etiquette Guide and I immediately know if they did or didn’t – which significantly saves Me precious time and energy.

3)    Also, if you approached Her with your kinks, you can bet that you’ve turned off a Quality Domme.  Unless the person is just in it for kinks herself, the Domme will want all of the fabulous fanfare and protocol that is part of the definition of Fetish as a Lifestyle.  And, if She asks you to tell Her about your Fetishes – like I do – be certain to be as cordial as possible.  Don’t address Her like you’re talking to one of the boys or to a sex worker – even if she is a sex worker.

When you find yourself stuck – for example, fixated on a person or situation; stuck in a rut or dead-end job – it is a sign that you are not facing fear that is controlling you.  Being stuck is literally an inability and/or refusal to move forward, which only holds you back from fulfilling your desires.  The feeling of being stuck is not just emotional, it is also physical and can result in symptoms like constipation, indigestion, headaches, and issues with the lower back, legs, and feet.  The best way to get over a useless situation is to get on top of a useful one.  Do something useful for yourself to shift your mindset from having a sense of loss to gaining perspective, experience, etc.  Exercise, learn a new skill, take a class, read a book, etc.  As the expression goes:

Backwards never forwards ever.

Good luck.

P.S.: April 4, 2014:  Here’s a great video from Kute Blackson: Overcoming the FEAR of Rejection!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com
www.Blackthornz.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

http://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

How To Move Forward & Strengthen From Crappy Relationships

Special Valentine’s Day Consciousness Preparation

While new INTENTIONS were made with all those resolutions, this New Year the focus is on your commitment to following through. In other words, what are you truly committed to?  That WILL be your result.  

The pressures of Valentine’s Day ARE real and torturing so many people whether they’re in relationships or not.  Maybe that’s why My inbox has been inundated with requests for advice relating to bad relationship endings and obvious needs for endings.  So, this post addresses How To Move Forward and Strengthen From Unhappy Relationships.  Trust Me; I am not only speaking from expertise as a Behavioral Therapy Life Coach, I’m speaking from Personal Experience.

 *****

Dear Everyone,

Here’s what I will share with you to strengthen the validity of the advice I’m giving in this post: I am a “Love Adventurer!  I NEVER give up on Love and I thank every being in My Life who has been of value by showing Me how I was not loving Myself by being in a relationship with them.  I use the term, “relationship” to mean everything from romantic to business to casual associations.  I have been friends with, dated, and been in serious relationships with some “doozies” and the experiences of them in My Life will make a great Sci-Fi story!

I know not to throw away the good that people have offered to My Life because of the negatives they’ve been dismissed for.  Otherwise, I lose the experience I gained from them having any value in My Life and that diminishes the quality of MY Life experience: past, present, and future.  I’m always saying, “make them useful.”  The politically-correct version of that same concept is to find the value to appreciate in each person.  Here’s how:

The Secret to any and every relationship ending – whether it’s a love relationship, a job, an attachment to a favorite sweater – is your perspective.

You shall be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
– Romans 12:2, The Bible

Whenever We have a crappy break-up, We feel torn down.  Due to Our “conditioning” (social, religious, political, etc.), We go into “suffer mode.”  This is a tool of lizard-brain thinking that sets Us up to whine, which creates a cesspool of chemicals in Our bodies that dis-empower Us and set Us up for failure, self-abuse, and constant negativity for the lizard-brains to feed on.  For example, you’re heart-broken and moping around, the gossip ensues and fuels your humiliation (self-abuse), you become reactive and then have regrets with wishing you coulda-woulda-shoulda, and the toxic experience drags you further down into the vortex of negativity. (See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip)

NOTE: It doesn’t matter if you believe in “energy” or not; there is scientific evidence that supports the effects of thoughts and emotions (how We interpret energy) on Our physical bodies/health.  Some people even invite disease into their lives from maintaining poisonous perspectives – and poisonous habits.

This process WORKS.  As with all things, you have to work it.

The following behavioral modification process is also a Training Technique for successful D/s experiences.

1.  Be AWARE of your thoughts.  Awareness is the key to change and to success.  Notice where you feel tension in your body when you think such thoughts.  Pay attention to (1) what triggered those thoughts, (2) your train of thoughts, and (3) the responses in your body.  The more you are aware of the dynamics of your process, the more you will be able to identify what triggers your feelings, habits, actions, etc.  Becoming aware of your mind-body connection is the most important aspect in identifying and enhancing your ability for self-control.  No matter what the circumstances are, being aware of what holds you prisoner to misery will shift you from stagnation and going nowhere to opportunities to create “better” in your life.

It is very important that when you become aware of a (thought) feeling, that you “have your feelings” – which means to honor that you feel that way.  However, have your feelings, don’t be ruled by them.  Feelings can be irrational motivators for behaviors you will regret when you do not consciously choose what you want to create.

VERY IMPORTANT TOOL: To disrupt a toxic habit, thought, etc., use The Tapping Solution in conjunction with Steps 3 and 4 below.

2. Stop playing “the blame game.”  Placing blame on others or yourself only creates stagnation and further decline into unhappiness because you place judgment on the situation.  Reality is subjective.
It (the situation) is what it is, period.  Your perspective – a.k.a., conscious choice of beliefs – creates “your reality.”  A perfect example of this concept is how a group of people can witness the same event and each one will have a different description of what happened.

So, while you’re feeling abused, experiencing guilt, berating yourself, detesting someone, it does not serve you to dwell on WHY things happened.  WHY is a useless question that supports the blame game and no matter how much you contemplate the WHYs of a situation, it will get you nowhere (stagnation).  You can never know why someone did something because many times, there’s a good chance that the person doesn’t know why himself due to his own lack of awareness and the fact that people lie to avoid personal responsibility.  And, logically, how will knowing WHY change anything?  You will still need to do whatever is best for you to learn from the experience and move forward in your life.  Insisting on needing to know why is just a trick to convince yourself to avoid your own, personal responsibility to let go of your attachment to coulda-woulda-shoulda.  You have the opportunity to be greater than you have ever been before by stepping up your personal responsibility instead of falling down into despair.

If you find yourself stuck in playing the make-wrong game, chances are that you are defining yourself as a victim and that never leads to any good.  No one can break your heart without your permission.  While the experience of giving your trust to someone who does not appreciate it – and who may even abuse it – totally sux, it is your attachment to how you wanted them to receive your trust (love, care, etc.) that hurts you more than they ever could.  In other words: how you wanted the situation/person to be instead of accepting what was available to you in truth is what causes you the greatest pain.  Contemplating what coulda-woulda-shoulda been is a disservice because, in reality, it could not have been any other way than the way that it was because everyone (including you) and everything was only able to be and do what they were in the moment.  Remember: it is what it is and your interpretation is what frees you to a greater self-love or imprisons you in self-defeat.

ToolsForgiveness; Keeping Cool With Karma

NOTE:  Understand that Forgiveness does NOT mean that you should forget; it means to (1) let go of your decision to be “bent out of shape” about the situation and (2) choose to learn how to Be Better from having had the experience.  If you forget, you may create opportunities to have to learn the same lesson again… and again.  The major part of all lessons is changing your relationship with yourself in relation to the experience.  In other words, who and how do you want to be: a winner who is empowered in your life? or someone who focuses on loss = loser.

3.  Define your goals; what do you want?  All too often, people are taught and maintain the practice of focusing on the negatives.   In other words, they answer the question with what they don’t want – which does not state what you do want.  Focusing on the negatives conjures up sensations and subconscious attention on what’s lacking, including a lack of personal power.  And focusing on negatives usually does not help to reveal what you do want.  Also, focusing on negatives invokes fear and you attract what you fear because what you focus on expands.  Only when you are clear about what you want can you create it.

Tools: Domina101™ Workshop Preparation; Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude because when your mind is in a positivity space, you create empowered action.  See also Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work?

4.  Create a new trigger to conjure empowering thoughts to take empowering action.  The point of creating new triggers is to take control of your automatic response system via your awareness and conscious choice.  There is a wonderful NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) technique called “anchoring” that creates a “resourceful state” by conditioning a physical action to achieve the desired state.  In other words, when you become aware of defeating thoughts and actions, you can immediately change your state: how you feel, think, behave, etc.  Anchoring is, literally, cultivating the ability to snap out of it and be proactive!

Here is an excellent tutorial on creating and activating anchors.  Use anchoring in conjunction with The Tapping Solution.

More Tools: Tips To Remember Your Value to easily identify empowering, personal triggers to anchor your desired states.

NOW…

Are you experiencing resistance to what I’ve presented above?  Take this opportunity to practice awareness and notice your thoughts and what you’re feeling in your body.  Is your chest tight? jaw clamped? face pinched up? breathing shallow? throat locked?  Just observe without judging yourself.  Now, breathe into the restriction in your body and exhale with a relaxing and releasing sigh.  OWN that release and anchor it.

As Tony Shaloub as MONK would say, “Here is the thing:”

You have to want to move on.  Yes, it’s scary, but FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.  Yes, you will love again (unless you choose to be a coward and constipate your emotions and experiences).  And maybe you will have another heartbreak (from having expectations, but that’s another topic).  However, what are your alternatives?  To be a whiny, self-defeating, bore who will inevitably attract another person to disappoint and devalue you because you’re doing exactly that to yourself?

(Of course, there are too many people who define themselves by misery, trauma, and anything and everything negative and defeating.  While misery loves company, even other miserable people seek to get away and stay away from these folks.)

The choice is yours.  I always ask Myself: what do I want to say about My Life at the end of My Life?  I want to say, “That was fantastic!”  And I always ask Myself – especially when crappy situations occur – what do I want to feel about My Life right now?  I want to feel, “What an adventure of Being Better than I’ve ever been before!”  A Fantastic Life is created in the process of the journey.   You cannot have a journey if you remain stuck in one place, thought, etc.

The choice is yours.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Happy New Year Love Me Recipes 2014

see Success With Body Care Recipes

Update: 1/4/14

I actually created this Mantra at 12:01 on 1/1/14, so I choose to share with you today:

I am Changing FEAR to FIERCE: False Experiences Appearing Real to Fabulous Intentions Experienced as Real & Creative Excellence!

Happy New Year!  Live The Dream in 2014!

I add today’s post as a bonus to My Kwanzaa 2013 Inspired Gift Series.  Every technique that I have given in this Series is a “recipe” for Self-Care and Love: what I term, “Love Me Recipes.”

Before I offer some more of My Love Me Recipes, I am going to recap the gifts I’ve already shared:

Day 1, Umoja, Unity:  My contribution for Umoja and strengthening Unity with the worthy people in My Life are 2 posts about 2 Universal Principles: Forgiveness and Practicing Gratitude

Day 2, Kujichagulia, Self-DeterminationTips to choose how you want to evolve to BEing Better than you’ve ever been before by ACCEPTING YOURSELF.

Day 3, Ujima, Collective Work & Responsibility Tips for creating smooth cooperation with back-up.

Day 4, Ujamaa, Collective Economics I offer examples of ventures I’ve introduced for The Community to inspire you to in your efforts.

Day 5, Nia, Purpose: Tips and step-by-step resources to find your purpose and create your happiness.

Day 6, Kuumba, Creativity: Tips to fight boredom and stay focused and inspired.

Day 7: Imani, Faith: Tips to remind you that YOU are the Creatrix (or Creator) of YOUR REALITY by CHOICE.  Therefore, the greatest faith you can have is in yourself.

I believe that it is Our duty to be as beautiful and as pleasant as possible in the Way We Present Ourselves to The World.  This is best achieved through Self-Love & Care.  So, below are some of My Physical Love-Me Recipes that help Me to feel fabulous and look it, too!  These recipes are quick, easy, cost-effective, and excellent for everyone, so, gentlemen, make Us happy to see (and touch) you, too!

EVERY recipe I’ve listed below is part of My regular, Love Me Pleasure Regimen.

Baking Soda Magic

The benefits of baking soda are incredible!  From hair and body care to a myriad of home care and improvement uses, baking soda is one of the most cost-effective and beneficial products you can keep in your home.  A brand name, baking soda is not necessary to achieve the benefits.

Tooth Whitener, Gum Toner & Bad Breath Cure

One of the things I find most disgusting is bad oral hygiene and revolting, stink breath.  I immediately dismiss people from My presence for these offenses not just because they offend My olfactory system, but because there is always a guarantee that their lack of attention to their bodies will offend Me in the future.  Smells trigger memory and cognition actually influences perception, so there’s one good point for the notion that first impressions are lasting.  This recipe not only fights gum disease, it safely whitens teeth and freshens breath.  Your smile is one of the nicest and first things that people notice about you, so have a white & pearly one!  Twice a day:

  • 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda
  • a pinch of salt
  • 5-10 drops of hydrogen peroxide

Form a thick paste and brush your gums and the gum line with a soft toothbrush (to prevent scraping tooth enamel), rinse.  Also, gently brush your tongue.  See Top 10 ways to fight bad breath.

Soft Facial (& Body) Scrub

Depending upon the season, I combine a variety of ingredients with baking soda to make body scrubs and bath recipes.  Here are a few of My favorites:

Gentle Exfoliating Scrub for bath and showerMix 3 parts baking soda with 1/2 part salt (for example, 3 cups baking soda with 1/2 cup salt) and store in a water-proof container (plastic soup containers work great).  Soap up your body (I recommend using a glycerine soap), pour a palm-full of mixture into your hand and mix with a few drops of water to make a medium-textured paste.  GENTLY rub your body from head to toe.  Rinse, dry, and apply moisturizer.  During the winter months, I may add a drop of virgin olive oil for extra moisturizing and to slough off extra-dry skin cells.   Use 1-3 times weekly.  You can also use this recipe as a daily foot scrub —  and by all means, get pedicures and take care of your feet!

Bath Balm:

Mix 1 cup of baking soda with 1 cup of salt (regular salt is fine) to a warm bath of water.  Soak for 15 minutes (or more) and gently wash from head to toe with a bath sponge (or scrungie).  Rinse, dry, and moisturize.  I soak in the tub with candles and lovely music (classical, jazz) playing and I make this MY TIME FOR ME.  You can also add herbal teas (I often use teabags to avoid extra clean-up) for desired affects, e.g., chamomile and/or lavender for relaxation before bed for better sleep; vanilla for instant mood boost; lemon for an energy pick-up, etc.

Baking Soda Face Wash:

For a glowing complexion and healthy skin, My favorite facial wash is with a thin paste of baking soda.  I cleanse first and do an extremely gentle scrub with approximately 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda mixed with enough water to make a fine-textured, thin paste.  Using circular motions and avoiding the delicate skin around the eyes, I use only the fingertips of My middle and ring fingers (which are designed to perfectly fit the contours of your face without stretching your skin) to GENTLY massage My face.  Rinse with warm water, pat dry, and moisturize.  Repeat 1 – 2 times a week.  If you notice a burning sensation, you are probably rubbing your skin too hard.  However, see tips in the article below.

Baking Soda Facial:

1man_with_a_facial_maskThis article is quite excellent in explaining the how-tos and the why they work:

Using Baking Soda As A Facial Skin Cleanser by Beth Janicek

Learn How To Use and Apply A Facial Mask and try 15 Easy Homemade Face Mask Recipes That Work.

Chillout

Lately, people seem to be experiencing a lot more stress…  So, here is something natural, wonderful, safe – and you can even use it for your pets: Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower Remedies).  This mix was created to deal with emergencies and crises. It can be used to help us get through any stressful situations, from last-minute exam or interview nerves, to the aftermath of an accident or bad news. Rescue Remedy helps us relax, get focused and get the needed calmness.  While you’re on the site, definitely take a look at the full line of 38 remedies.

The Tapping Solution

Please NOTE that I swear by this technique for Myself and it totally works for Me and everyone who chooses to work it. It is a physiological-neurolinguistic technique that you can learn in less than 4 minutes (see video). There is an accompanying book and a movie, both of which I found value in, but you don’t need them to get started and achieve immediate results.  This technique interrupts psycho-kinetic patterns (conscious/subconscious-physical) that create chemical responses in Our bodies which We interpret as stress, fear, panic, confusion, depression, etc. The technique then permits you to re-pattern your response by identifying and acknowledging your process that triggers the negative responses.  With practice and choice, you can trigger positive chemistry, emotions, and responses.

So, check out The Tapping Solution. There is a link to a YouTube video where a lovely, young lady walks you through the technique in under 4 minutes. You should notice immediate results.

Now you can really enjoy your Self-Love Reflection practice!

Remember, Pleasure is the key to creating with joy and ease.  When you feel good, you look good, and do good works!

See Related Posts at the bottom of the page.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Day 7, Imani, Faith: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 7: Imani, Faith

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

56e5ff79f3f77ceac6bbac1fb756abbfToday, the seventh day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Imani (faith): Believing in our people, our families, our educators, our leaders, and the righteousness of the African American struggle.

Pronounced ee-MAH-nee

Symbol: Zawadi (zah-WAH-dee) are Kwanzaa gifts given to children that will make them better people. The gifts should always include a book, video, or other educational item that will educate and inform the child. There should also be a gift know as a “heritage symbol,” something to remind the child of the glory of the past and the promise of the future.  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

Where is your faith?  Is it in something or someone outside of yourself?  I have learned that Faith, Love & Happiness MUST begin and end with Self.  YOU are the Creatrix (or Creator) of YOUR REALITY by CHOICE.  Therefore, the greatest faith you can have is in yourself.  (Note for all the religious-tizzies that got triggered: God[dess] helps those who help themselves; read your Bibles, etc., whatever you subscribe to.)  When you believe in and enhance yourself (strengthen your self-confidence), you create the path for all things and energies to support you.

People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of…  And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.  – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

In My late teens, someone really ticked Me off by saying: To see what you want, look at what you have right now.  I got (and stayed) in a huff, annoyed with this person (who was actually a wonderful Teacher), and stopped talking to him because I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell Me (the follies of youth).  This type of reaction often happens when We are presented with a Truth that We don’t want to accept personal responsibility for.   We prefer to play the make-wrong game because that’s easier than doing any work on Ourselves.  So, I went through life avoiding the notion of how what I have in My life is a reflection of what I believe about Life and The Universe.  I’ve finally learned that:

How I see The Universe is exactly how The Universe will be for Me. – Dr. Ellie Drake

However, just becoming aware of a Power Concept is not enough.  We have to do the work to implement the power into Our lives.  Doing the work doesn’t have to be difficult; We can create with joy and ease.

Pleasure is the key to creating with joy and ease.

So, the best way to approach creating what We want is to make the process pleasurable.  The easiest way to experience pleasure is to feel good about yourself: mind, body & spirit, which work inter-changeably.

Feeling good about yourself ~> self-confidence ~> faith in yourself.

11I experience a great and pleasurable, faith-builder when I affirm Myself with My reflection (not limited to what you’re thinking).  While some folks will jump on the make-wrong bandwagon and call this vanity, I am aware that the way We see Ourselves defines how the world treats Us because We are tuned into those inner vibrations reflected back to Us from the outside world.  For example, why is it that you can receive several compliments, but the one criticism is what you play over and over again in your head?  Contemplating this type of self-reflection is difficult  because while I continue to commit to living in Beauty & Joy, I have to contend with the  lizard-brain thinkers who are so committed to their own self-loathing, that they try to disrupt My Peace – and everyone else who is living well and choosing to be happy.  So, I often ask what I’m feeling and thinking to attract these creeps who dare to attempt to invade My Domain.  In this way, I use their ugliness to strengthen My commitment to Beauty & Joy and to BEing My Best – I make them useful to see how I can love Myself better.

Speaking of lizard-brain thinking, check out this amazing (short) presentation by Spoken-Word Champion Prentice Powell: The System:

Back to using My (and your) reflection as a tool for affirmation:  We are conditioned from birth that to be self-loving is conceit by the same people (and institutions) who want Us to praise and admire them, usually for no valid reason.   These influences then tell Us to be unique while punishing Us for not conforming to mediocrity.  So, while you’re supposed to feel good about yourself and present your best, you’re not supposed stand out and be vain.  This is confusing and painful on a mental, physical, and spiritual level because it creates stagnation.   The only things that thrive in stagnation are toxic to your health.

Since this is the ONLY body you have, life you have (that We actually know of), time you have to experience greatness, you really need to LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF.  EVERY opportunity to feel good about being who you are should become a celebrated and repeated practice.  You must continuously repeat positive and empowering practices in order to recondition a lifetime of habits designed to disempower you.

The following technique will help boost your confidence, help you feel more comfortable around people (especially jealous creatures), and improve your attitude because when you feel good about yourself, life is good!

Self-Reflection Love Technique

1.  Place a mirror in every room where you can see your face clearly.  Each time you catch a glimpse of yourself, smile and give yourself a compliment and/or say, “I love you!”  Life is always better with love and best with self-love.  How you feel about and treat yourself is how others will feel about and treat you.

2.  Have at least one photo that you like of yourself in a nice frame in every room.  Whenever you see your photo, remember why you like it (how you look, what was happening, how you felt when it was taken, what you’re wearing, etc.)

3.  Make a list of how you feel good and/or want to feel good about yourself.  Write items on post-it notes and place them on/near mirrors, photos, wherever you will see them.  Be kind in the way you speak to yourself.  (See How to Turn Limp Affirmations into Mantras for Success!)

4.  Create a “catch phrase” to affirm the good feelings your have about yourself.  One of My phrases is, “Go, Diva!” which I share to encourage and acknowledge other people, too.

Note: Beware of people who don’t have mirrors in their homes.  This is a sure sign of self-loathing, low-self-esteem, and a lack of self-awareness.  I once briefly dated a guy who had no mirrors in his home and had the nerve to obsess over how I looked and to be upset with the compliments I received!  People who don’t appreciate themselves cannot know how to appreciate you in all of your fabulousness.  Since they are too cowardly to build themselves up, they will, inevitably, try to bring you down.

The more you offer yourself love and encouragement, the more the world will reflect that love and encouragement to you and fewer unworthy folks will be able to come onto your path.  This is how EpicuresNYC Private Members Fetish Club continues to grow with folks who are absolutely the best people I know and who I am proud and honored to have in My life!

11

More resources:

How to Build Self Confidence (with really cool graphics)

Building Self-Confidence, Preparing Yourself for Success! (and more goodies at Mind Tools)

The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.
― Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

©Mss Didi* ~ PartyDomme.comreadmynewsletter


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Day 6, Kuumba, Creativity: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 6: Kuumba, Creativity

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

11Today, the sixth day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Kuumba (creativity): Using creativity and imagination to make your communities better than what you inherited.

Pronounced koo-OOM-bah

Symbol: Muhindi (moo-HEEN-dee) represents the children (and future) of the family. One suke (ear) of corn is placed on the Mkeka for each child in the family. If there are no children in the family one suke is still placed on the Mkeka to symbolize the children of the community.  The Muhindi also represents the Native Americans who were the first inhabitants of the land. Without whom there would be no corn, also known as Maize. It is used as acknowledgment and respect of their contribution to the culture and ancestors of the African American.  A single ear of corn can also be know as Vibunzi. Indian Corn is sometimes used.  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

This year, Kuumba inspires Me to give up boredom and all things that block (and people who drain) My Creative Processes and Enjoyments.  Boredom is a sign that you are out of alignment with your purpose (see Kwanzaa 2013: Nia, Purpose).  Boredom is a result of stress, frustration, FEAR, avoiding personal issues, complacency, giving your power away, and a variety of other activities that you can control and improve in your life.  Ergo, boredom is a barometer for how well you are living.  You can also look at boredom as an indication of how well the CHOICES you make are working for you.

It is said that only boring people get bored.  So, when you get bored, you are clearly not taking the proper care of your mind-body-spirit to keep yourself stimulated to enjoy the creative process.  You need to make changes to your routine, your thoughts, and your actions.

She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn’t boring. – Zelda Fitzgerald

It is the beginning of a new solar year, so everyone is thinking – whether consciously or connected to the subconscious vibrations all around Us – about the changes and “resolutions” they want to make in the coming year. Repeat after Me: Change is good and you can choose to define change to mean positive progress.  (Note:  Like computers respond to keystrokes, Our mind-body-spirit connection responds to what We say.  Words have power so choose your words carefully.  See also How to Turn Limp Affirmations into Mantras for Success!)

Change begins with intention followed by inspired action.  When you are inspired, you are never bored.  I have given a variety of tools in previous posts in this series and elsewhere on My Ask Mistress Didi* resource blog.  Below are other resources to assist you in keeping your focus on Self-Love-and-Empowerment to BEing your Best and being thrilled by the process!

I know what I have given you; I do not know what you’ve received.  – Antonio Porchia

God[dess] helps those who help themselves. – Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanac, adapted from one of Æsop’s fables—Hercules and the Waggoner (6th century BC)

The 10 Differences Between Interesting People And Boring People

30 Things to Do to Keep From Getting Bored Out of Your Skull at Work

How to Build Your Creative Confidence –  watch video on TED Talks

Building Your Creative Muscles

The Mind Map: 6 Steps to Get Your Creativity Flowing

The war between being and nothingness is the underlying illness of the twentieth century. Boredom slays more of existence than war. – Norman Mailer

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Day 5, Nia, Purpose: Gifts from Me Inspired By The Kwanzaa Tradition

Day 5: Nia

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

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11Today, the fifth day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Nia (purpose): To restore African American people to their traditional greatness. To be responsible to Those Who Came Before (our ancestors) and to Those Who Will Follow (our descendants).

Pronounced NEE-ah

Symbol: Mishumaa Saba (mee-shoo-MAH SAH-ba): The Seven Candles, representing the seven principles of Nguzo Saba (The 7 Principles of Kwanzaa), which are placed in the Kwanzaa Kinara. The colors of the candles are red, green, and black which are the colors of the Bendera (or African Flag).  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

SO….

Just when I thought I’d survived 2012’s challenges,  this past year’s gems elicited quite a few swear words…  HOWEVER, I am greatful for how life tried to kick My glorious butt because I got just the clarity I needed for the revival of My Mojo!   I’m feeling really good when I could choose to whine about it all.  Perspective is everything.

Challenges serve to define Us.  They are wonderful servants to show Us what We’re made of; to show Us Our thoughts then and now; to give Us opportunities to reflect and to redirect Our intentions; to assist Us in defining WHO, WHAT, and HOW We want to BE and WHY = Purpose.  The more clarity you have for your purpose, the more thrilling life is!

Most people make a mistake in believing that We only have one purpose in life and that once We choose something, that is what We need to devote all of Our time and attention to.  Another error is to think that your purpose is what you do rather than who and how you are.

The true point of your purpose in life is to BE Happy.

Happiness is defined by the quality of your life including how you feel about yourself.  When We choose to BE Our Best, We are constantly evolving to becoming better and better.  So, your purpose evolves with you, too.  And it is healthy to re-evaluate and update the process as you go along.

I am ever researching ways to make life better and more fun, of course!  Below are some of the gems I’ve found to maintain a positive and powerful journey of purpose!

Finding Your Purpose

Ask The Right Questions.  Success training teaches that when you ask the right questions, you get the right answers.  So, ask yourself empowering questions to clarify and define your purpose.   For example, asking, why am I stuck in a dead-end job? is a question that the answers to are only about being trapped in misery; asking, what do I love to do and how can I support myself doing it? yields answers to take positive actions toward the achievement of your desires.  Check out these guidelines to ask better questions for better results.

Get your priorities straight.  Organize, schedule, and commit to Life-Affirming activities.  Unless you’re making money from it, NO, Keeping Up With The Kardashians and other inane, brain-drain distractions serve NO value – not even for entertainment, because there is no intellectual or creative stimulation in time-and-energy-wasters of this kind.  They are “judgmental TV” where you exercise lower vibrations that suck the creativity and the ability to achieve right out of your life.  If you’re going to exercise  – which you SHOULD do daily – put your energy into maintaining your wellness and enhancing your knowledge.  It’s ludicrous to find time to schedule your life around useless activities that add to your unhealthy and unhappy ways when the same amount of time –  or less – can be used on fulfilling pursuits.   ONLY when you feel good, will your life be good.  The best way to feel good is to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit.

Stay stimulated.  What makes you feel alive?  What makes your life exciting and worth living?   It is scientifically and medically proven that keeping your brain exercised not only enhances the quality of your life throughout the aging process, but also prevents mental and physical deterioration – of course, spiritual health is affected, too.   Keep your focus on positive inspirations.  What you focus on expands.  That means that your attention affects your intention – which creates your outcome.

Do what makes you feel good on a regular basis.  Of course, I advocate regular mental and physical exercise.  Also, having a constructive hobby to engage in keeps your creative and self-loving energies flowing.  When you feel good, you look good, and life is better and better because your perspective permits you to make it so.  AND the better you feel and look, the better-quality people and situations will be attracted to you for collaboration and cooperation.  Which leads to:

Let go of what no longer serves your Highest Good.  This can be an extremely difficult commitment to make to your well-BEing.  As We grow personally and become Better, We discover how many of the people in Our lives are NOT really in Our corner.  Remember, most people operate from FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real, and project their fears onto you.   Fear projection takes many forms, such as jealousy, sabotage, slander, and just about every form of abuse.  Sadly, We experience most of the abusive behaviors from people We love and trust.

While you can CHOOSE TO HAVE COMPASSION, it is paramount to your well-BEing to  “re-categorize” such individuals’ importance and place in your life.  This doesn’t mean that you stop loving them; it means that RIGHT NOW, you have to love yourself more by loving them in a different way – which can often mean “from afar.”  You CAN CHOOSE to avoid the “ugly drama” and playing the make-wrong games by creating “gentle distance” – which will definitely show the quality and intention of the individual by their reactions RIGHT NOW so that you can choose what you want to do concerning them in the immediate future.  There’s an expression:

If you love someone, set them free.  If they return to you, it’s meant to be.

Not everything or everyone is meant to be in your life forever.   We are all here to learn from each other.  Whatever the outcome, the ultimate lesson I’ve learned and maintain as a practice in My life is  to appreciate them for who they were in My life, and to release them for who they choose to be NOW.  This practice makes forgiveness a whole lot easier all the way around.  There is always the possibility that the person can return in the future to be a loving and supportive person in your life.  However, by letting go of negative, non-supportive people, situations, and things in your life (e.g., habits that contribute to unhealthy practices), you can keep your focus on your purpose, which is, ultimately, TO BE HAPPY.

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

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If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.