Category Archives: Technique

Check In & Center of Attention

September 5, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I thought it was beyond rude that [name omitted] kept interrupting You and tried to take over while You were giving Your presentation.  I wanted to slap her face off and am amazed how You kept Your cool and took control.  PLEASE tell me how You do it!  — J.T.

*****

Well, J.T.,

Here’s what I do:

1)  I consider the source of aggravation before I take action, which makes everything else a lot easier.

2)  I Check In Before I Check Out.  I take a moment to see what’s going on with Me before I choose to put someone else in check.  Perception IS everything.  We all have moments when perhaps, We woke up on the wrong side of the bed and something simple can be THE most annoying thing at the moment.  I take a moment to acknowledge My feelings so that I can choose to respond rather than react.

As for [name omitted], I pity her for needing to be the center of attention without doing anything on her own merits to deserve it.  This latest outburst has finally made it unavoidably clear that she thrives to ride on My coattails with bad behavior in order to be noticed.  This is just sad.

It’s only good to be the center of attention when you know how to give back: your duty is to make those whose attention you have feel good about giving you their energy.

I don’t have to like a person to hope that she evolves to understand this lesson.  Here’s to hoping!

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

My Contributions, your purpose

February 21, 2016

Note:  I choose to publish this entry to assist confused individuals who misunderstand the definition of Dominance and how it IS in real-life.

Whenever you offer something of value, people who contribute nothing and do nothing of their own, will often have the audacity to take offense and even threaten you.

Domina101™ Tip:  ALWAYS clarify their value to Your REALITY.  In this way, You give them an opportunity to evolve from ignorance — Good Karma for You!  What they choose to do with Your Gifts is their karma.


Dear Mistress Didi*,

You’re not having fun parties any more and what’s with all this self-help crap? If You’re not going to get back to business, i’m leaving your mailing list.

‑ mama-told-me-i’m-special (the name I dubbed this creature)

* * * * *

Attention:

I’m in the be-served business; NOT the service industry.

I create Events that please ME. While I know that My generosity and altruism will be unappreciated by those who are lacking any of their own, I have no interest in accommodating the whims of whiners.

Value Reality Check:

1)  I’m a REAL Domme.  I maintain My Domain My Way on My Terms.  Anyone who has anything to do with Me and My Domain are invited GUESTS.

2)  I have created, and continue to create, public and private events on a grand scale for guests with refined taste, skill, and integrity — something seriously lacking in the majority of what has become The Scene today.

3)  I have conducted, and continue to conduct, numerous classes and workshops in a wide variety of techniques and topics in the realm of My Expertise.

4)  Along with My Ask Mistress Didi* Offerings, I create various opportunities for personal evolution via Fetish Appreciation with My Domina101™ and Superior submissive™ mentoring programs, contributing to The DommeSalon™, and a plethora of other training opportunities.

5)  I wrote My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress as a primer for both Dominants and submissives to improve the abysmal lack of manners that contributes to the deterioration of the elegance of The Scene.  you need to read it.

I improve The Scene with My Contributions that many have benefited, and continue to benefit from.

And who are you, really?

1) you have offered nothing to or for Me and/or Mine.

2) you have not donated to any of My Charitable Works.

3) you have not attended any of My Events, though I was gracious enough to comp you and a guest since you complained about a lack of finances.

4) you are not pleasant personally nor visually.  you make no effort to offer any beauty, talent, and certainly, not charm.  So, you are not a consideration in the creation of any of My Events.

5)  The only thing you have done in My Reality is ask Me to offer My Expertise — which I graciously gave more than once — for your “community” organization for NO compensation, collaboration, nor support of anything that I’ve done or do.  you have, however,  served to prove this truth:

Do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they be trampled under foot.
— Matthew 7:6, KJV

I wasn’t aware that you were on My Mailing List.  So, in truth, you removing yourself from it will have the same use for Me as you have always had in My Domain — none whatsoever.

you may take solace in the fact that NONE of what I do is for or about you or anyone else who offers NOTHING, and whines about what I DO.

For further clarification on the situation, read Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,

Mss Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshops

http://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

 

Releasing The Flying Monkeys: Balancing Karma & Retribution

This post is a letter I wrote to a very special friend who, though I’ve not yet met in person, I have a very special place in My heart for.  She is one of the Shining Stars who pops up in your life just when you need them, whether you know it or not.  Because of Her beautiful spirit and Her inspiring gifts, I shared one of My most joyous Life Lessons with Her.  In keeping with the what I am creating with Ask Mistress Didi*, I share this post to encourage the brave people who are doing the work to BE Better.  I appreciate all of you!  And remember to remind your friends that you appreciate them, too!

 *****

Dear Ms. Star,

Thank you, as always, for the lovely smiles you send!  Other than the disappointing news You wrote about, I hope that life is treating You very well.  It is quite the challenge to get past the nefarious actions of people who prove unworthy of Our considerations.  So, here’s what I’d like to offer:

I am having an amazing journey!  I would like to share this with You because, whether you know it or not, You have been a precious gift to Me in so many, many ways!  I respect Your intelligence, integrity, and the beauty You share with The Whole.  I believe that souls travel in groups to learn and that We have a special connection.  If this is just My fantasy, well, I hope You enjoy reading about My Journey and that You are able to appreciate My revelations in My Truth!  However, from Our interactions, I’m sure that what I share will be right on time for You.

My Solar New Year’s Commitment is to BEing true to Myself, Honoring how well I handle My “stuff” (which includes My Sadism, quelling My desires for retribution, and the enjoyments of watching offenders suffer), and to BEING Better.  I knew from birth that sometimes what I can think and how I can feel are so intense that they even scare Me!  So, I choose to work on that to be a positive contributor to Life on Our planet and in The Universe!

Unlike the vast majority of people, I don’t try to pretend that We don’t all have a duplexity [Genetics – a double-stranded region of DNA] of Sadist and masochist in Our natures.  So, because I take responsibility for My nature, My heart, and My Spirit, I have committed My life to balancing My Karma.  As a Libra, the duality of My Nature has always been challenging when I’ve based it on society’s rules – which are designed to imprison Us in disenfranchisement.

So, after 2 most recent years of thievery; heartbreak; deaths; sabotage from loved & trusted ones; loss of property, income, business, etc., I recognized how I need to be “able to sleep at night” to attend to My Karma — per My understanding of guidance I received from My audience with His Holiness The Dalai Lama.  His Holiness told Me, when I asked about Karma — and referred to Jesus saying to turn the other cheek — that Jesus didn’t say to get beat up; that Karma is whether you can sleep at night – did you take care of yourself?  If something in the past tortures you in the present (shoulda-woulda-coulda), it affects/creates your future as moment leads to moment.  So, if someone slaps you and you didn’t take care of your needs in the moment for whatever reasons, it is your karma to learn and choose what to do to take care of your well-being from NOW (present) on (future) – even if that is slapping them back (My words; not The Dalai Lama’s!).

I realized that experiencing and expressing My Joy was impeded by My attachments to “other people’s interpretations of right/wrong.”  And while I was treating people the way I want to be treated, their lack of self-love and awareness made them comfortable to treat Me like poo-on-a-shoe – down to finding fault with ME for stealing from ME (including betrayal, theft, abusing My kindness, etc.).

So, I wrestled with feeling sorry for them because of the stresses in their lives and all of the other crap that was taught to Me via the sociology-religious slavery doctrines (“conditioning”) that have nothing to do with The Golden Rule, and I found Myself regressing into a major case of “the grumpies.”  Because I meditated on My Commitment to BEing Better, it became clear to Me that I was not Living My Truth! And I had that magnificent epiphany of FULLY Accepting MySelf! (Meanwhile, I thought I had accepted Myself a long time ago already…)  Life is truly a Journey of Learning About Yourself.

Side Note:  Talk about synchronicity: I’m listening to a new mix from one of My DJs and Teddy Pendergrass is singing, “You Can’t Hide From Yourself!”

I KNOW that I am a loving, giving, Goddess Healer (which The Universe has just confirmed with a position as Director of a special, medical-science, research project of My dreams!) and that one of My Purposes on the planet at this time is to be a guide to Happy Wellness. In order for Me to BE in My Purpose, I deserve to “BE Happy & Well in Truth.”  And that looks like this:

  • I am clear on My intentions.  Intentions are the root of all creations and define the value of all actions and, Karma itself.  Somewhere along My Life, I picked up the belief that I am not to BE “human” with all of My emotions, desires, and thoughts BEing “valid.”  I attribute this to My upbringing and special circumstances that defined My childhood and determined My approach to Life (“conditioning,” again). After all the “drama,” I am affirmed that My intentions come from a place of Love – even if others want to believe that when I do something FOR Me that it is against them.  I am committed to loving Myself first in order to best love others and contribute to The Whole.  This is the basis for “My Religion: SpiritualHedonism™” and how I WANT to BE and live My Life.
  • I forgive the offenders out loud.  I RESPECTFULLY tell them to their faces, write them letters, make videos for them,  write public blog posts, whatever works for ME to (1) have completion and (2) make sure that there is absolutely NO way that they do not have the opportunity to accept responsibility for their offenses.  I ALWAYS apologize if I have wronged someone who has made Me aware of how they feel offended by My actions that have truly caused them any harm.  And I make it a point to make amends (if warranted) and to be more careful in the future.  It is the choice of offenders to do what they will do, but the knowledge of what they’ve done cannot be ignored or distorted to avoid their responsibilities for their actions.
  • I have released My Flying Monkeys!  Coming from a Magickal Family, I’ve lived My entire life watching inexplicable things happen to people who offend Us and judging this to be wrongful uses of Our Energies (which may have been true in some cases, but Karma was always in play).  I used to do a LOT of work to contain My Energies from directing “accelerated Karma” for all involved — which includes Me.  My concern with MY Karma is the sole reason that so many people have not “spontaneously combusted” in one way or another!  Now, I’ve removed all interests that I had in place for their protection, etc.  No more of My “guardians” and “watchdogs” to safeguard them from the ramifications of their stupidities; they shall suffer their consequences without My generous interventions (which I believe were actually interfering with Karma where My conditioning made Me believe I was “being good” to have such care for those who offend Me).

Now, instead of mistakenly believing that I was enhancing My Good Karma, I’ve come to believe that I was retarding both My and the offenders’ Karmic travels.  So, without wishing malice, I wish “accelerated Karma” for all of Us. Knowing My true intentions, I have no fear.  I’ve released The Flying Monkeys and Karma is forever in My favor!

  • I have created I Win-I Win situations.  Since I AM accepting My Truth, whatever offenders do, the seeds for Personal Growth have been planted.  If they choose to be honorable, they will thrive and continue to have Me for the inspiration, motivation, feel-good-about-themselves-musings that they have taken Me for granted for in the past.  However, each and every time they come to Me, I “water the Seeds of Awareness” that I’ve planted.  If they choose to be despicable, their behavior is fertilizer for their deserved suffering to exponentially grow as constant reminders of how they’ve offended Me (and others).  The offenders will (i) not be able to sleep peacefully, (ii) will actually look haggard to themselves and to others, and (iii) have all of the things that would normally happen via Karma, but which they WILL be aware of the connections to Me no matter how hard they try to ignore My seeds.  And I get to watch them suffer from their own devices — provided I care enough to know about them at all! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I am clear that I do not delight in suffering; I delight in pleasure however one enjoys it without harming another.  This is the tenet of My Fetish Lifestyle.  And I delight in seeing Karma at work.  To better deal with the disappointments of offenders, I consider their actions to be a balance of Karmic Debt so that I am free from past lifetime stuff that brought Us together in this lifetime, and that I will not “suffer” them in subsequent lifetimes.  This thinking helps Me to accept a lot of crapazoola that has occurred in My Life and to move forward with Joy!

Best of all, I am free from that wretched feeling of needing retribution.  I can BE and am BETTER than that!  Karma has My back ~ and My front!

You know how epiphanies work: they can “take a long time coming,” but they are recognized instantaneously!  Well, POOF!  Puff of Practical Magick and [personal success info omitted to maintain privacy].  THIS is what makes Me KNOW and understand that, although some folks may not be able to understand My Epiphany as I described to You, it is definitely the right thing for Me to do to BE Happy & Well.

And this is why I have shared with You: I hope that My journey of Self-Judgment to an Epiphany of My Truth affirms You in remembering to Honor Your Truth.  Our concepts of right and wrong, et al., are based upon the Grand Illusion that enslaves the populace in darkness.  We are The Beacons of The Light and We MUST SHINE in Our Unique and Varied Ways.  It does not serve Us to judge Our ways based on other people’s agendas; it is Our duty to accept Ourselves in totality to discover Our Truths to choose how We will work powerfully for Ourselves and The Whole.

Thank You for letting Me share My Joy with You, who are always a giver of Joy to Me!

Namaste.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

http://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles:
AskMistressDidi.com

Permission or Forgiveness?

©Mss Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

August 9, 2015

Domina101™ Tip”

“It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” – Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper

That depends on the type of person you are and who you’re dealing with. Ask yourself:

Do you prefer to TRUST someone to ask your permission to do something you may say no to, or do you prefer to TRUST that someone will apologize (or make amends) for doing something you didn’t want them to do?

Trust, after all, is the main dynamic in the D/s relationship and in all relationships of all kinds.

Before I go further, I offer this for your consideration: When you search that quote and the multitude of egocentric variations that you’ll find, be aware that:

(1) This quote is used for THE most selfish, turd-tards to excuse their offenses; and

(2) It’s stupid to adopt this philosophy because there are scary people out here…

Read on…

One of the most important things a Domme (or anyone) can know to improve Domain Maintenance is whether you are a Forgiveness person or a Permission person. The difference between these two personality characteristics is truly like night and day.

A Permission person, like Me, requires you to ask before doing. While I’ve been accused of being a Type A personality, control-freak (usually by the idiots who thought they were smarter than they are and failed to manipulate Me), I am a thinker and a planner. I intensely dislike wastes of My time. As anyone knows who takes even a glimpse at My Websites can see, I carefully, clearly, and thoroughly detail exactly what I wish to convey. I make things easy for people who are not lazy and careless to succeed with Me.

I really do know what I want and am very specific about exactly how I am and how I want things in My Domain. If an error is made, I accept My responsibility for it. If you make the error without asking My permission, you diminish your value to Me because it takes too much unnecessary work for Me to forgive you for disrespecting My Process. While I make it a point to “do forgiveness,” (you should read this) I don’t guarantee that offenders will not suffer. Just saying.

It’s a mistake when someone decides that they:

(1) are going to do what they want and that I’ll get over it. No, I get over you and dismiss you from My Domain – never to return. Understand that I have banished blood relatives for offending Me, so no one is exempt from this choice.;

(2) know better than I do about what I really want. No, I carefully think, research, and plan accordingly before I express My wishes. I’ll add that, unlike most people, I take into consideration the well-being of others involved in the scenarios and ask them appropriately. So, I intensely dislike people making (usually half-azzed) decisions for Me when they can easily ask Me; and/or

(3) try to play the victim to avoid their responsibility for offending Me. That’s a stupid move that never works – never “play victim” with a Sadist! You won’t like the torture.

A Forgiveness person is usually someone who says, “make it happen,” or “you handle it.” Sometimes, these people have specific rules for you, but if they don’t, they prefer to deal with situations after the fact. Forgiveness people are more easily satisfied with apologies where Permission people may need a lot more convincing that you’re sorry – you will have to prove yourself. Forgiveness people are apt to give you more chances where Permission people, like Me, have very strict limits and We tell you what they are at the beginning of Our relationships. Permission people feel disrespected by your audacity to take matters in Their Domains into your own hands on your terms. It’s never good to offend Us.

It is My experience that Forgiveness people often find themselves feeling taken advantage of because, sadly in this day and age, selfishness and self-absorption are the modus operandi for the majority. Most of the letters I receive for Ask Mistress Didi* advice are from Dommes whose trust and kindness have been betrayed.

Equally important, is knowing what type of person you’re dealing with. The Forgiveness submissive may actually be a “brat” who gets off on causing you distress just to gain excusal for his behavior – until the next time, and to see how much further he can go. I find these creatures contemptible. The Permission sub can go overboard by needing your permission for everything, which can be annoying. Permission subs can also struggle with topping from the bottom because they have their own issues with giving permission to others.

While every Domme has Her own way of managing Her Domain, knowing which type of person YOU are will assist your training processes so that you are not drained and disappointed. While We all encounter the “usual suspects” of fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers, knowing how you operate is a strong tool for maintaining your sanity as well as your Domain. It is easier to design appropriate strategies for peaceful Domain maintenance.

ADDENDUM AUGUST 12, 2015

A Personal Tip

One of My Training Tools — for submissives as well as for My own success — is to regularly review PURPOSE:

  1. What My Purpose for the person is in My Domain;
  2. How the person’s desires fit in with Mine; and
  3. Does the person warrant the amount of training effort I extend.

I often see Dominants “working the whining” game — coddling, fighting, etc., less than compliant behaviors from people claiming to serve Them and, in essence, enabling excuses rather than excellence.  This is why (1) establishing clear rules and methods for communication are paramount BEFORE beginning any type of relationship, Fetish or otherwise, and (2) setting boundaries and limits for continuation or dismissal are paramount.  While there are many horrors in the world, desperate Dominants are high on My list of what is pathetic.  Food for thought…

Which are you: A Permission or Forgiveness Domme? (person?)

Thoughtful Resources:

Respect – How To’s

5 Golden Keys to Assertiveness and Setting Boundaries

How To Accept An Apology – especially #7

Respecting Other People’s Wishes

How to Maintain a Relationship with a Loved One Who’s Hurt You

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

AskMistressDidi.com

The Martyr Syndrome

May, 2015

This post is in response to a letter about a situation that may “out” the parties involved, which is why I choose to omit it. They know who they are and, hopefully, this article will help them evolve to their true greatness – beyond the limitations of stories they tell.


There is a philosophy that souls are born to learn lessons and that your duty to the Gift of Life is to evolve into being the best you can be on all levels. I subscribe to this philosophy and by practicing Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Checking In With Myself to respond to situations rather than react to them. My ultimate concern is always My Karma.

We live in a world that is contrary to logic and Natural Energy: everything is set up to make you wrong so that someone can be less than their best and exert power over you. From the time that We’re born, society, religious structures, family, and educational institutions teach Us that it’s better to damage people, places, and things than it is to admit that We are wrong. This twisted habit yields selfish creeple who do not apologize, who engage in sabotage, who cast suspicions of their own emotional immaturity and nefarious intentions on others with the insistence that everyone is as treacherous as they are – because if that were not true, they could not be right while doing wrongful things.

People will always look to make others wrong to avoid (1) facing their feelings about themselves, (2) facing their bad behavior and taking personal responsibility for it, (3) making changes, and (4) apologizing for anything — especially for offending you. Many go so far as to offend you and then insist on being offended that you dare to be upset and/or call them on it! Some people become screaming accusers, attempting to defame your character to every- and anyone they can wrangle to listen. This is an epidemic on antisocial sites where trolls and gossips gather to be ugly. Others pick specific people in your circles to plant seeds of their victimhood and the more sympathy they get from the greedy gossips they carefully choose, the more they can be seen as martyrs.

The Martyr Syndrome is a setup to avoid facing one’s true feelings about who you know you really are whenever faced with a discrepancy in who you want to believe you are. Martyrs want to believe that they are generous, kind, and caring and that everyone else is out to take advantage of them. Martyrs appear to be popular because they always create audiences to tell their tales of woe. In truth, they have few friends because they don’t know how to receive the kindness and care that they want to believe they are capable of giving. They suspect everyone else of the avarice within them so they must accuse others before they’re found out and accused.

You can always catch a martyr in high form when they make a mistake. In the panic that they will be perceived as negligent, unprofessional, devious, [insert appropriate adjective here], they invent offenses done to them by the very people their actions have offended. This is a sign of extreme emotional immaturity and, usually, poor upbringing to believe that as long as they can create a feeling of being offended by those whom they have actually offended, they are “pardoned” for their own wrong-doings. Martyrs will go so far as to repeat their “offended stories” so many times that they even suppress all memories of their true behaviors that sparked them to work the syndrome in the first place.  Even in the face of proof that they are liars, martyrs will ignore it in this moment, and repeat their lies at the next opportunity they have a captive audience.

The Martyr Syndrome is a sure sign of low self-esteem. Even people who are very accomplished have feelings of failure and martyrs attempt to mask their feelings of unworthiness with the illusion of doing good deeds. This is not to say that amazing people like Mother Theresa was not sincere in her work, but how many Mother Theresa’s do you know compared to people who work the Martyr Syndrome?

Signs of The Martyr Syndrome

The conversations of people with The Martyr Syndrome:

1)    Allude to how they generously take care of family, friends, associates – as if these people should be indebted to them, but they would never look for anything in return. This is a setup in martyrs’ minds that they are capable of giving without expecting something in return – the opposite is usually true. In fact, martyrs are usually unable to receive in one way or another;

2)    Always regale how they do favors for people who abuse their kindness somehow – especially when money is involved. 2 considerations: (i) While they love money, they don’t want to be seen as greedy and (ii) they believe that “business” associates will be hooked to believe in their integrity by the stories of how their profits and opportunities for prosperity have been thwarted. Martyrs count on the dynamics of their tales of woe so that they will not be questioned or asked for proof of their story’s validity; and

3)    Give “martyr performances” in groups and to people they believe will contribute to damaging the reputation of the person they have offended. Not only do they gain pity-party attention, but they can achieve their true goal: to belittle the character of the person they offended to insist to themselves that (i) the person they wronged is not a good person; (ii) they are not at fault for any wrong-doing (real or imagined) and/or they are justified for the wrong-doing and character maligning; and (iii) they “sucker people in” to fortify their false persona of being a “good person.”

How To Handle The Martyr Syndrome

1)    Pay attention to the conversation for the elements mentioned above. This is not to say that heinous creeple have not offended folks – anyone reading this has been a victim, even if you are the creep. Once you hear the patterns, be on the lookout for being their next pity-party subject. Martyrs also have a victim-story every time you speak to or about them – whether they’re telling the story or someone else tells a tale when their name comes up in conversation.

2)    Put everything – yes, everything – in writing when making arrangements with everyone.   This is a good practice to back up what is understood, clarify what is not understood, and prove negligence. Sadly, very few people honor their word.

3)    Attempt to communicate (in writing) when they begin their “martyr performance” setup – which is “being offended” by you. Most martyrs prefer to talk about you than to communicate with you. When you have things in writing, you have proof of who is actually the creep should you need it.

4)    Forgiveness, Gratitude, Pity & Karma. Utilize these tools because they will save and improve your life on all fronts!

a)    Forgiveness is not for the offender; it is for your peace of mind. Being offended is a form of h8tred and like acid, it destroys the vessel that contains it. (For those smart-alec friends, you are not glass!)

b)   Make the best use of pity and compassion. Having compassion and pity alleviates your own disappointment and annoyance of having to deal with The Martyr Syndrome.   When you consider how sad it must be for a person to be so trapped in a lack of self-love that they have to create a psychotic episode in order to avoid facing their truth, you can also be grateful that you are not suffering with the same affliction.

c)    Be grateful that this person showed you who-what-how they are so that you do not make a bigger investment in dealing with them. I usually set up a little “test run” situation to see how people behave when given opportunities and to see if they are worthy of doing important “business” with them.

d)    The Law of Karma can (sort-of) be trimmed down to a quick definition of what you do comes back to you multiplied along with The Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do to you). I have also been advised that Karma is how you care for yourself (how your actions in your past affect-your present-affects your future – can you sleep at night?). I always do My best to act in accordance with the highest for My Karma. So, knowing that My actions with someone working The Martyr Syndrome is not about Me at all – it is their reaction and dedication to avoiding facing the truth about their own self-worth – I can forgive, have gratitude for the lesson I’ve learned, and move forward to better choices, better people, and BetterFetish™!

Another note: give yourself plenty of time to “get over yourself” because for all of the awareness you may have about the situation, unresolved anger will most likely surface should the martyr do what-they-do in your future. I’ve found that My best cure for the problem is to avoid dealing with the martyr until I have not only released My anger, but I can completely let the person out of My life with no emotional attachment whatsoever should their commitment to their martyrdom be more important to them than My friendship. I deserve better friends.

If you’re suffering from The Martyr Syndrome, you may find, “How To Overcome The Martyr Syndrome” valuable.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttp://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.