Tag Archives: creep-control

©Mss Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

Make Rudeness Serve You

October 11, 2014

A Domina101™ Lesson

In the most recent session of The Domina101™ Collective Webcam Workshop, I presented the signs of the “substandard” who fakes being submissive.  As always, I can encounter any number of grossly-behaved, barbarians on websites where trolls and barbarians go to pretend they’re Fetishists and the rest of Us have to filter through the squalor.   Filtering through the “undesireables” is easier and less time consuming when you have the tools to maintain the integrity of Your Domain.  Below is a typical example of a faker-shaker-noise-maker and how to stop its idiocy while securing Your Dominance Comforts.

The Tool Tips are:

  • Copy, paste & revise as needed because the archetypes of fakers-shakers-noise-makers are ALWAYS the same.  There is no need to address each individual when they really are one-size-fits-all in terms of insecurities

~~~~~~~~~

subqueerling [name changed because I have integrity]:

And there it is!  your real intentions: to look to be threatened/offended so you could pretend to FEEL some sort of self-value with rudeness.

Know that you have exhibited value by being of service to Me.

you have been useful by exhibiting ALL traits of a “substandard” (as opposed to a submissive) for participants of My Domina101™ lectures – specifically:

  • proving the real intention of your query was to convince yourself of how smart you think you are by posing a question under the pretense of seeking answers and agreeing with what you believe you already know
  • showing a lack of real self-esteem (and quality home training) via attempts at condescension because you feel threatened by knowledge rather than being able to consider proven concepts beyond your limitations
  • showing obvious lack of attention to direction to find information

All too easy and boringly typical, but you’ve been useful nonetheless by being “less.”

And now, you will NEED to have The Last Word.

Ahhh, delicious! The conflict going on inside you now: if you respond, you prove Me right again!  If you don’t, it will eat you up inside!

No matter to Me. I have no further use for this situation on any level.

More Resources you’ll probably ignore, too, but you were actually right when you wrote above that they will help others:

How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks

Lizard-brain thinking instigates that another person’s actions and intentions come from the lower-level, nefarious intentions of what lizard-brain thinking would do if ever in the same situation – which is seldom ever the case because…

READ MORE

Always MY Pleasure,
 Mss Didi*
 www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

Rules For Clear Communication

August 13, 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I want You to know that I completely disagree with [NAME WITHHELD] and I did not feel like You were trying to tell me how to be a “real Domme.” I have been thinking about Our conversation and I now see what You pointed out as “possibilities” to be true!  The sub was topping from the bottom and he did hear what he wanted to hear when he wanted to hear it.  It became clear that he was playing me!  I was explaining [what You said] to my Domme friends and request that You please say it again to make sure that we get it right.  Thank You!

Miss ShaR

~~~~~~~~~

Dear Miss ShaR,

First, I thank You for receiving My observations as possibilities and for not feeling threatened by fantasies that My intention is to dictate anything to You or that My way is the “one twue wayyy” of Dominance – like the h8ters accuse. Clearly, h8ters never realize that using that concept is a cop-out for their own feelings of ineptitude and their inability to receive or perceive beyond their limitations.

I offered what I observed as a possibility from My own personal experience; that I could be wrong; and that the possibility could be something to consider. I noticed that You repeated Yourself more than twice to the sub, who was busy being interested in what he wanted to be interested in at the event instead of doing his job, attending to You. Unless a Domme’s fetish is dealing with people with ADHD-type behaviors or repeating Herself, a sub’s lack of attention is:

  • Disrespectful to the Domme. What is a submissive’s purpose in Your Domain? To serve You on Your terms as You decide he will serve. If the sub – and especially in public – is not attentive to You, it appears to The Scene that You are at fault in his training – no matter what the real deal is. And that presents a picture for all kinds of annoying situations to think that they can make a home in Your zone because not only are first impressions lasting, but too many creeple are out here looking for any and everything negative to disrupt Your flow – even if they have to make it up;
  • A sign of a lack of commitment to his service agreement with the Domme. There are whole generations of folks who believe that they can demonstrate the worst behaviors which will inevitably be forgiven and forgotten til the next time – and each and every time. I believe that this is a poor-parenting failure that is perpetrated on a variety of levels. The brat gets away with it at the source of his relationship identity and fully expects the same from You and everyone else on the planet, evidently…; and
  • Stressful to the Domme and, subsequently (no pun intended) to the sub. While there are tons of creeple addicted to chaos, most of Us don’t want to be stressed – especially in Our Fetish Lives.

In defense of a sub, quite often, communication rules are not clearly defined and mishaps can happen. This is why I present to The Domina101™ Collective:

Rules For Clear Communication

Know What You Want

First and foremost, a Domme needs to (i) know what She wants and (ii) choose the best ways to communicate Her wants. All too often, I see people barking orders and the sub as no clue what is really being requested of him because the Dominant doesn’t really know either! Vague commands yield “non-results” and are a setup for failure all the way around. Most submissives will default to what they already know (training from someone and somewhere else) when they do not have clear directives. It is imperative to know exactly what you want to have a starting point to be able to communicate your desires.

I streamline My conversation to the best of My ability – e.g., carefully choosing explicit words for EXACTLY what I want in order to make it easy for people to understand Me. The problem is that everyone is conditioned to believe that they can magically anticipate what someone wants from what we think they should want based upon our fantasies of their lives. I suggest that You research effective communication techniques for project managers because, after all, You are managing Your Domain. You will develop Your own sense of what works for You, of course, but the more You know, the better things go!

I am also consistent. I clearly define and relay My Rules to everyone, including posting them online, for people who want to participate in My Domain to be personally responsible for adhering to them. I actually have a script so that I tell each person the exact same thing and I have them repeat what My instructions mean in their own words to ensure that misunderstandings are not on My end. Each and every time, culprits attempt to insist that their behavior was in My “best interests” while clearly disrespecting My Rules – which is always merely them enacting their own agenda without consideration for the commitment they made. Their typical next step is to attempt to feign being offended and lashing out against you (i) because their behavior is not excused and (ii) for pointing out their wrong-doing with documented facts.

The Hearing Technique:

Most of the time, people speak at each other and not with each other.  To enhance comprehension:

1)  Identify and get clear on what You want to say.

2)  Choose the simplest, most direct words to communicate what You want.

  • Further simplify by expressing it as if You were communicating with a 5-year-old. This is not to be condescending (unless that’s part of the Fetish!); it helps you to be certain that you’re being clear

3)  Ask the person(s) to repeat back to You in their own words so that YOU can be sure You communicated clearly and were heard; revise as necessary

Often, I will tell the submissive about this process so that it is further enhanced by his own awareness of and focus on the technique. How people show up is what makes it worth Your while to continue with their service to You.

I use this technique in all of My communications with Dominants and submissives alike. It takes a bit of practice – and practice cannot always guarantee perfection. Some people are committed to being disruptive (See How To Handle Disruptors). But these tools will enhance your best efforts.

Always MY Pleasure,
 Mss Didi*
 www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttps://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

 

False Friends & Allies In Lies – Part 1of 3 “Domain Maintenance”

June 6, 2012

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I have watched for some time how people who have benefited from You have turned on You.  I am also dealing with someone who called himself a friend saying horrible things about me now and trying to destroy my business and position in the Scene.  You always seem to overcome abuse and keep going.  Please tell me how to do this.  Thank You, Miss P

 *****

Part 1 of 3 of Domain Maintenance With Self-Love and Personal Integrity

Dear Miss P.,

I have listed a few resources at the end of this post – please note the dates that they were written.  You will see that losers are never original; they just keep popping up — which is a sad sign of the decline of civilization and, particularly, of The Scene.

Since We can never KNOW what is going on in another person’s head – most of the time, they lie to themselves, so they’re not even aware – We must ALWAYS choose to do what’s best for Our own wellness.

What I have learned over a lifetime is that people are attracted to Us by 2 things:

1) what makes them comfortable about how they perceive Us.  Using My own experience of a “friend” who outted My fiance and is a leading cause in his death, she was attracted to My ability to create excitement and fun — as long as I was injured to the point that I could not surpass her ability to be creative (As you know, I am recovering from a crippling fall down a flight of marble stairs); and

2) what they believe that they are/have BETTER than We are/have.  she (somehow) considered her husband a major “achievement” in her life.  While I was partner-less and confined to bed most of the time, she called Me her “best friend” – probably because I was her misery-therapist.  All was fabulous while she could use Me to endure her litany of self-degradation, the world-is-woe, and why-bother-since-things-will-go-sour-anyway views of life.  As soon as I began treatments to improve My 24/7 pain and regain My life, she began to change and poo on My aspirations.  And when I met the love of My life, her every conversation was designed to thwart My happiness.  Poor thing probably didn’t even know she was doing this and, of course, is too much of a coward to face what would prompt her to do so.

This was very hurtful to Me because although I could see the type of person she was, I always had hope that she would evolve and live up to being the success she claimed she desired to be.  However, I PAID ATTENTION TO THE SIGNS and even told her how her behavior would end Our friendship.  I also wasn’t stupid enough to share everything (like My real submissives) in My life with her because I knew that her self-sabotage would spill over into disrupting My good things for Me.  And as I got better and better, she increasingly came face-to-face with her beliefs in her own inferiority and with her jealousy.

Now, understand that no matter what you say or do, people who believe in their own inferiority WILL be inferior for themselves first, and therefore, to everyone else in every way.  And since like-attracts-like, all other h8ters who identify with their inferiority will congregate in doing any-and-everything to take the focus off of their own self-h8tred.  The best way for sheeple to avoid personal responsibility is to join in negativity against those who are doing/being/creating what they cannot do themselves.  Quite frankly, these people SERVE YOU by rounding up all of the other “less-thans” who will inevitably be useless to you, too, and keeping them away from annoying you.

The Process of Making Peace

1) Check In before you flip out.  Acknowledge your feelings and thoughts before considering anything about anyone else.  KNOW that one of the reasons for being on this planet is for Our souls to learn lessons and that being vulnerable and trusting is NOT a bad thing.  When you can accept your feelings and consciously choose what to do with them, you have the control – and no one else.

2) Accept that We are NOT all created equal.  The very notion of that statement is insulting to each individual’s special qualities.  Just one problem that arises from this ridiculous notion is that people who exhibit and insist upon operating with inferior qualities believe they deserve the rights to what those of Us who actually create superior existences above their mundane realities have.  Differences should always be respected and looked upon as opportunities to learn, but avaricious behaviors are grounds for ostracization for the benefit of all those who ARE worthy of your talents and energies.  You are NOT wrong to acknowledge that someone is NOT on your level and does not deserve the same consideration and respect that you worked for when they have done nothing.

3) Reconsider your attachments to the past without judging yourself for having had the experiences to learn lessons about yourself to evolve into being better than you’ve ever been before.  One of the worst habits We are taught from birth is to make yourself wrong for … everything!  Logically: how can you know something without actually having the experience?  You can NOT know; one can only suppose, but not know in Truth.  Granted, We give people the benefit of the doubt.  But, to paraphrase Dr. Phil, why give anyone the benefit of the doubt; they need to prove worthy of your trust.  Each and every experience brings you to a new self-awareness.  When you focus on that, offenders have value to you that they don’t even have for themselves.

4) Rid yourself of animosity and denigration with gratitude.  This gets easier and more enjoyable with practice – just like exercise and eating in healthy ways.  Remember, one of the many problems with losers is that they see the world as a continuous set-up for loss.  No matter what is presented to them, they play the make-wrong and victim games because at the basis of their existence is the belief that they are wrong for existing.  And since they’re lazy, petty, and pathetic by choice, they always prove their beliefs about themselves to be true in every way.  Since they can’t face their ugliness, they want to take it out on you and they will test you.  THANK them for giving you the opportunity to move into the next phase of your fabulous evolution and pity them (don’t waste much energy here) that they insist on devolving.  Practice being grateful for even the “turdy” things in your life and your life will exponentially become happier – and you will avoid having that ugly look that people who choose to be losers have etched into their faces.  Gratitude sets you up for the WIN – something that losers NEVER have – no matter what they do.

5) No matter what, it is your duty to protect your domain.  Of course, if necessary, prove offenses are affecting your life and business and, by all means,  file police reports, report offenders to the FBI for stalking, even send a cease-and-desist letter (preferably via an attorney, but not always necessary) immediately prior to serving the a-hole with a lawsuit for damages – which will OUT them publicly.  (Cowards don’t want that – they’re usually too busy trying to provide lies of how great they want to be perceived to a fake world of “friends”.)  Once these people are on the “radar,” they stay on the radar and are regularly investigated.  I’ve said it before, the internet is a wonderful thing and everything you do is monitored.  If one has no nefarious intentions, one should have no concerns for “privacy” regarding their activities or the punishment of those who are offenders in other people’s domains.

Making It Work

Here’s the scary thought you have to ask: What was I thinking about Myself to attract her/him to Me? to consider her/him a friend? When you take responsibility for how you are disappointed in any situation, you are able to transcend the disappointment and grow from the lesson.

I recognize that I was depressed, in pain, unable to enjoy My life, and unable to create to the best of My abilities.  It sucked!  Whenever you are at the lowest moments in your life, lower-life-forms can sneak into your zone because (1) your vision of yourself is tainted by despair and (2) since they are attracted to your greatness, it is only your despair makes them believe that they can be on your level.  These kinds of people base their own worth on the qualities of other people they try to surround themselves with – which has nothing to do with them in reality.  It’s a superficial projection from what you are/have onto the vision they want to believe about themselves.

Superficiality always reveals truth.  This is why when your success grows, they become shady.  Then, they have the audacity to become disgruntled when they’re kicked out (as they always are) of a group of people who TRULY ARE VALUABLE because (i) they seek and insist upon Us sharing their qualities of inferiority and (ii) they refuse to face that they are NOT LIKE US and, most likely, never will be.  And, in true fashion of the inferior, it is always YOU who did something to them (just for being Who You Are) and YOUR FAULT that they (insert any failure here) because losers never accept responsibility for their actions.  And they will go to their graves believing their lies — even when proof of their offenses is documented and presented to the authorities.

I admit that I recognized her true value from the very beginning of Our relationship, but chose to enjoy the best she had to offer while it lasted.  This does not mean that I didn’t love her; I love her for who she was in My life and I release her for who she chooses to be.  Practicing loving and caring for Myself permits Me to release offenders with love.  I always have hope that they will stop h8ting themselves and improve the quality of their lives to BE HAPPY.  The more happy people there are in the world, the better the world will be.  I always have hope, but I waste no time or energy being concerned about the choices they make for themselves.  When I’m done, I’m done.  It’s intelligent to discard trash, there is no value in entertaining it.

The most important thing and Our primary responsibility for the Gift of Life is to cherish and make the most of each moment.  By focusing on trying to understand why someone does something against you is wasting precious time to maintain and enjoy what is good in your life – which can and will disrupt your future happiness.  Your love and care for yourself is infinitely more important than anyone else you permit into your life.

We all have a choice.  We can either make Ourselves miserable in the present into the future, whining and pining about how We perceived the past, OR We can love them for who they were in Our lives and release them for who they choose to be.

Forgive them for disappointing you and forgive yourself for attaching so much relevance to others.  If you do not love yourself most, you cannot love anyone else with the proper appreciation.  This explains why these creatures offend those who were kind to them; they do not love themselves and cannot receive love.  People get into toxic relationships because they are not appreciating their own self-worth.  We have all been there and done that; it is only when We learn from the experience that We can be free to BE HAPPY.

But We, Ourselves, must be brave to learn the lessons.  I have once again learned NOT to take pity on people due to their illnesses because most people use their illnesses to manipulate you into tolerating their bad behavior and their refusal to exercise self-control.  I acknowledge that I’ve gotten caught up in My own suffering of pain during the past 7 years and My own life of illnesses, and I have given people opportunities they did not deserve.  The difference between Me and them is that I strive for wellness.  And, when their attachment to inferiority manifested in ugly ways, I (1) “BRAVED My issues” and took a good look at how I wasn’t loving Myself enough to permit them near Me and (2) I’ve re-committed to loving Myself by LEARNING THIS LESSON for the last time!

KEY: When you can thank offenders (find value in them) for the lessons they’ve offered you to fortify your greatness, they have no power over you.

I’ve also learned to follow My instincts; when I immediately dislike someone, I will not permit anyone else to convince Me to “give them a chance” or permit them in My Domain ever again.  Self-loathers never appreciate opportunities. You will never live up to the unrealistic expectations they have of YOU because the more you are Who You ARE and do What You DO, the more they are reminded of what they are NOT.

As for the disgruntled creature’s attempts to destroy what’s yours, remember that these types of people ARE inferior because they believe they are inferior and behave in ways to prove their beliefs.  they h8te themselves.  Anyone who jumps on the bandwagon to believe negative tales about others with NO personal experience is also inferior — like attracts like.  These people are also lazy; they don’t bother to do anything to improve their own abilities; it’s easier for them to complain about you with other miserable people.  And it’s even easier for them to try to destroy what valuable folks create than for them to stop being cowards and take responsibility for, and steps to, improve themselves.  Trust Karma.

In reality, it’s not about them; it’s all about you.  The most powerful thing you can do is to be “enough” to and for yourself and keep your focus on what is important in your present to create a happy future.  Like attracts like.  The people who ultimately matter always recognize the “reindeer games” perpetrated by fakers.  When you are focusing on being your best, the people with the same focus and abilities will be attracted to you and visa-versa.

As My Grandmother always said (It completely annoys Me that people accredit Taylor Swift for an adage that’s been around long before her parents were born):

Remember, creeps throw rocks at things that shine.  Shine brilliantly!  Those who are worthy will revel in your brilliance; those who are not will incinerate for trying to snuff out your Light!

And they will inevitably refuse to accept their own responsibility for the consequences of their heinous actions and insist that all of it is your fault, too…

I hope that I have provided you some comfort and do check the resources I’ve offered to assist your Life Journey in Happiness.  All the best to you because that’s what you deserve.

Tips To Remember Your Value

Transcending Malicious Liars

Pity The Self-Loathing

The 4 I’s (& Flopped Friendships)

How To Handle Disruptors

How To Handle Lizard-Brain Thinking Attacks

Safety Tips for Dommes

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Newsletter

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

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