Tag Archives: social

My Contributions, your purpose

February 21, 2016

Note:  I choose to publish this entry to assist confused individuals who misunderstand the definition of Dominance and how it IS in real-life.

Whenever you offer something of value, people who contribute nothing and do nothing of their own, will often have the audacity to take offense and even threaten you.

Domina101™ Tip:  ALWAYS clarify their value to Your REALITY.  In this way, You give them an opportunity to evolve from ignorance — Good Karma for You!  What they choose to do with Your Gifts is their karma.

Dear Mistress Didi*,

You’re not having fun parties any more and what’s with all this self-help crap? If You’re not going to get back to business, i’m leaving your mailing list.

‑ mama-told-me-i’m-special (the name I dubbed this creature)

* * * * *

Attention:

I’m in the be-served business; NOT the service industry.

I create Events that please ME. While I know that My generosity and altruism will be unappreciated by those who are lacking any of their own, I have no interest in accommodating the whims of whiners.

Value Reality Check:

1)  I’m a REAL Domme.  I maintain My Domain My Way on My Terms.  Anyone who has anything to do with Me and My Domain are invited GUESTS.

2)  I have created, and continue to create, public and private events on a grand scale for guests with refined taste, skill, and integrity — something seriously lacking in the majority of what has become The Scene today.

3)  I have conducted, and continue to conduct, numerous classes and workshops in a wide variety of techniques and topics in the realm of My Expertise.

4)  Along with My Ask Mss Didi* Offerings, I create various opportunities for personal evolution via Fetish Appreciation with My Domina101™ and Superior submissive™ mentoring programs, contributing to The DommeSalon™, and a plethora of other training opportunities.

5)  I wrote My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress as a primer for both Dominants and submissives to improve the abysmal lack of manners that contributes to the deterioration of the elegance of The Scene.  you need to read it.

I improve The Scene with My Contributions that many have benefited, and continue to benefit from.

And who are you, really?

1) you have offered nothing to or for Me and/or Mine.

2) you have not donated to any of My Charitable Works.

3) you have not attended any of My Events, though I was gracious enough to comp you and a guest since you complained about a lack of finances.

4) you are not pleasant personally nor visually.  you make no effort to offer any beauty, talent, and certainly, not charm.  So, you are not a consideration in the creation of any of My Events.

5)  The only thing you have done in My Reality is ask Me to offer My Expertise — which I graciously gave more than once — for your “community” organization for NO compensation, collaboration, nor support of anything that I’ve done or do.  you have, however,  served to prove this truth:

Do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they be trampled under foot.
— Matthew 7:6, KJV

I wasn’t aware that you were on My Mailing List.  So, in truth, you removing yourself from it will have the same use for Me as you have always had in My Domain — none whatsoever.

you may take solace in the fact that NONE of what I do is for or about you or anyone else who offers NOTHING, and whines about what I DO.

For further clarification on the situation, read Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,

Mss Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshops

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

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Rejection

Dear Mistress Didi*,

i’ve done everything to make a particular Domme accept me for service and She said no. I can’t understand why and not knowing what else to do is really bothering me. i’m going to see Her this weekend at an event and confront Her. Do You have any advice for me?

– notta quitter

Dear notta quitter,

Whenever you are rejected, remember 3 things:

1) Trust that there is something (or someone) that is right for you;

2) Look at rejection as an opportunity to learn from the experience. Ask yourself these valuable questions:

  • How do you feel? Angry, belittled, despondent, etc.? Negative feelings are indications of what you feel you’re lacking in yourself. All too often, We can set Ourselves up for let-downs because We are placing Our self-valuation on another person’s response to Us. In other words, you are defining your worth based on another person’s treatment (acceptance) of you.
    .
  • Why do you feel this way? Be honest. Looking for the answers to this question will show you the covert, manipulative thoughts that are your hidden expectations. Most of the time, your reaction to rejection is based on the fact that you can’t have the fantasy you created in your head. There are no guarantees in any relationship. All things must be agreed to and worked on with integrity.
    .
  • What qualities do you really desire to have in your life? This question is important to determine not only what and why you want to be in service (or be in any situation), but what type of person (or situation) you are willing to commit yourself to having in your life. Yes, commitment is paramount. No Quality Domme wants to put the effort into training you to Her liking for you to do a half-hearted job, even at failing. Failure ALWAYS occurs when the idea of service in your head has no relation to the reality of actually doing anything to serve. Dedication must be the fuel for your desire in order to achieve your goals. When you know the type of person or situation you want in your life, only then can you make the proper commitment and be worthy of having Her or it.
    .
  • What can you do better next time? Never give up your search for the right Domme and, many times, you must deal with trial and error. But each experience will teach you something about yourself IF you are willing to learn instead of playing the make-wrong-game.

I have provided a most valuable and complimentary service to The Community to educate folks in Fetish Etiquette because I detest the lack of grace and manners that abominate The Scene. Download My Complimentary, How To Present yourself To A Mistress Guide (which is also an excellent tool for Dominants to use as a resource) and READ IT. I highly recommend that Dominants refer prospective subs to read it as a primer.

Now, I’ve taken the time to write the guide and I’m even offering it for FREE. I refer ALL to read it and I measure the worth of a potential submissive based on how s/he approaches Me. It is always clear whether or not a person reads My guide. It is a very useful tool for measuring a person’s dedication from the very beginning.

3) Let it go. Don’t be an annoyance; respect the rejection and move on with your life. Do not harass and definitely do not become an idiot-stalker – get a life! And be responsible for your life. The longer you hold onto things that are obviously NOT for you, the longer you will stifle the achievement of your goals. If your paths cross, be polite and say hello, and leave it at that. If you find yourself continuing to fixate on a situation that has been made clear is NOT for you, seek professional assistance because there is definitely something wrong with your way of thinking that will only cause you grief and trouble on a variety of levels. Choose to be healthy and well mentally, physically, and spiritually.

You must understand:

1) It is a Dominant’s prerogative to accept and/or reject anyone She wishes from Her (or his) Domain. She does not have to give you a reason and it is often best not to know Her reasons. Sometimes, a Domme is looking for something specific and most will outline Their requirements in Their web pages and online profiles. It is probable that your skill set, etc. does not meet what She is looking for and nothing more than that. Spending time trying to figure out why another person does whatever they do is a waste of your time. I am the type of Dominant Who definitely tells you why I reject/eject you from My Domain with the purpose of you (1) making improvements to whatever caused you to be rejected and (2) assisting you to not waste any more of either of Our time and to find the right Dominant for you. However, not every Dominant is like Me.

2) The sad truth is that the VAST majority of “submissives” are not truly submissive at all. Basic manners, paying attention to requirements to apply for service to Us, reading information about Who We Are and What We Want, and everything that should be common sense and courtesy are usually ignored because most people are only interested in their kinks and fantasies of how they want Us to serve them. See “submissive vs. substandard.” Did you follow instructions when you applied for service to Her? Or were you in a hurry? Did you even read the information She provided for you to understand what She wants and how She wants it? Or did you just lust over Her photos? We really do have better things to do than deal with time-wasting-energy-thieves, which is why We take the time to write Our requirements for all to read. As I’ve mentioned, I require all potentials to read My Etiquette Guide and I immediately know if they did or didn’t – which significantly saves Me precious time and energy.

3) Also, if you approached Her with your kinks, you can bet that you’ve turned off a Quality Domme. Unless the person is just in it for kinks herself, the Domme will want all of the fabulous fanfare and protocol that is part of the definition of Fetish as a Lifestyle. And, if She asks you to tell Her about your Fetishes – like I do – be certain to be as cordial as possible. Don’t address Her like you’re talking to one of the boys or to a sex worker – even if she is a sex worker.

When you find yourself stuck – for example, fixated on a person or situation; stuck in a rut or dead-end job – it is a sign that you are not facing fear that is controlling you. Being stuck is literally an inability and/or refusal to move forward, which only holds you back from fulfilling your desires. The feeling of being stuck is not just emotional, it is also physical and can result in symptoms like constipation, indigestion, headaches, and issues with the lower back, legs, and feet. The best way to get over a useless situation is to get on top of a useful one. Do something useful for yourself to shift your mindset from having a sense of loss to gaining perspective, experience, etc. Exercise, learn a new skill, take a class, read a book, etc. As the expression goes:

Backwards never forwards ever.

Good luck.

P.S.: April 4, 2014: Here’s a great video from Kute Blackson: Overcoming the FEAR of Rejection!

 

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com
www.Blackthornz.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbook

Workshops

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles:
AskMistressDidi.com

Permission or Forgiveness?

©Mss Didi* ~ PartyDomme.com

August 9, 2015

Domina101™ Tip”

“It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” – Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper

That depends on the type of person you are and who you’re dealing with. Ask yourself:

Do you prefer to TRUST someone to ask your permission to do something you may say no to, or do you prefer to TRUST that someone will apologize (or make amends) for doing something you didn’t want them to do?

Trust, after all, is the main dynamic in the D/s relationship and in all relationships of all kinds.

Before I go further, I offer this for your consideration: When you search that quote and the multitude of egocentric variations that you’ll find, be aware that:

(1) This quote is used for THE most selfish, turd-tards to excuse their offenses; and

(2) It’s stupid to adopt this philosophy because there are scary people out here…

Read on…

One of the most important things a Domme (or anyone) can know to improve Domain Maintenance is whether you are a Forgiveness person or a Permission person. The difference between these two personality characteristics is truly like night and day.

A Permission person, like Me, requires you to ask before doing. While I’ve been accused of being a Type A personality, control-freak (usually by the idiots who thought they were smarter than they are and failed to manipulate Me), I am a thinker and a planner. I intensely dislike wastes of My time. As anyone knows who takes even a glimpse at My Websites can see, I carefully, clearly, and thoroughly detail exactly what I wish to convey. I make things easy for people who are not lazy and careless to succeed with Me.

I really do know what I want and am very specific about exactly how I am and how I want things in My Domain. If an error is made, I accept My responsibility for it. If you make the error without asking My permission, you diminish your value to Me because it takes too much unnecessary work for Me to forgive you for disrespecting My Process. While I make it a point to “do forgiveness,” (you should read this) I don’t guarantee that offenders will not suffer. Just saying.

It’s a mistake when someone decides that they:

(1) are going to do what they want and that I’ll get over it. No, I get over you and dismiss you from My Domain – never to return. Understand that I have banished blood relatives for offending Me, so no one is exempt from this choice.;

(2) know better than I do about what I really want. No, I carefully think, research, and plan accordingly before I express My wishes. I’ll add that, unlike most people, I take into consideration the well-being of others involved in the scenarios and ask them appropriately. So, I intensely dislike people making (usually half-azzed) decisions for Me when they can easily ask Me; and/or

(3) try to play the victim to avoid their responsibility for offending Me. That’s a stupid move that never works – never “play victim” with a Sadist! You won’t like the torture.

A Forgiveness person is usually someone who says, “make it happen,” or “you handle it.” Sometimes, these people have specific rules for you, but if they don’t, they prefer to deal with situations after the fact. Forgiveness people are more easily satisfied with apologies where Permission people may need a lot more convincing that you’re sorry – you will have to prove yourself. Forgiveness people are apt to give you more chances where Permission people, like Me, have very strict limits and We tell you what they are at the beginning of Our relationships. Permission people feel disrespected by your audacity to take matters in Their Domains into your own hands on your terms. It’s never good to offend Us.

It is My experience that Forgiveness people often find themselves feeling taken advantage of because, sadly in this day and age, selfishness and self-absorption are the modus operandi for the majority. Most of the letters I receive for Ask Mss Didi* advice are from Dommes whose trust and kindness have been betrayed.

Equally important, is knowing what type of person you’re dealing with. The Forgiveness submissive may actually be a “brat” who gets off on causing you distress just to gain excusal for his behavior – until the next time, and to see how much further he can go. I find these creatures contemptible. The Permission sub can go overboard by needing your permission for everything, which can be annoying. Permission subs can also struggle with topping from the bottom because they have their own issues with giving permission to others.

While every Domme has Her own way of managing Her Domain, knowing which type of person YOU are will assist your training processes so that you are not drained and disappointed. While We all encounter the “usual suspects” of fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers, knowing how you operate is a strong tool for maintaining your sanity as well as your Domain. It is easier to design appropriate strategies for peaceful Domain maintenance.

ADDENDUM AUGUST 12, 2015

A Personal Tip

One of My Training Tools — for submissives as well as for My own success — is to regularly review PURPOSE:

  1. What My Purpose for the person is in My Domain;
  2. How the person’s desires fit in with Mine; and
  3. Does the person warrant the amount of training effort I extend.

I often see Dominants “working the whining” game — coddling, fighting, etc., less than compliant behaviors from people claiming to serve Them and, in essence, enabling excuses rather than excellence.  This is why (1) establishing clear rules and methods for communication are paramount BEFORE beginning any type of relationship, Fetish or otherwise, and (2) setting boundaries and limits for continuation or dismissal are paramount.  While there are many horrors in the world, desperate Dominants are high on My list of what is pathetic.  Food for thought…

Which are you: A Permission or Forgiveness Domme? (person?)

Thoughtful Resources:

Respect – How To’s

5 Golden Keys to Assertiveness and Setting Boundaries

How To Accept An Apology – especially #7

Respecting Other People’s Wishes

How to Maintain a Relationship with a Loved One Who’s Hurt You

Always MY Pleasure,
 Mss Didi*
 www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttps://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

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