UPDATE 3/16/14: Video “Tapping Into Gratitude”

December 4, 2013

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

…Things are going really well for me right now, but I still have set-backs when I have to deal with certain people… and the heartache of an abusive relationship… It’s exhausting trying to keep My focus… There’s always some [OMITTED] attacking the advice You give and Your opinions. How do You stay positive?

Miss VJK

*****

Dear Miss VJK,

Although I lost EVERYTHING in stupid-storm-sandy last year (still battling insurance companies); while My family and cherished ones have died and continue to fail in health; while I refuse to allow a serious injury to crush My Spirit with non-stop pain, I refuse to age horribly in eye-sore (non)fashion by keeping a positive perspective by practicing gratitude. That means instead of focusing on all the ugly in the world and what I don’t have, I am grateful ~ I am GREAT-full ~ for all that I do have.

Yes, I know: when all you can see is darkness, it’s hard to be grateful. But that’s because your focus is on the wrong things and your heart is in the wrong place! The more you focus on how fortunate you are to be you, exactly where you are RIGHT NOW, magic happens! Perspective determines outcome. Begin by thinking of all of the things that you take for granted – like clean water at your fingertips – and recognize how fortunate you ARE when multitudes in the world don’t have what you consider to be a basic right.

Speaking of clean water, please make a donation to My Charity Water Campaign so that more people can share gratitude and many lives can be saved! That is a perfect gift for The Whole!

I recommend contemplating “10 Things I Am Grateful For Today” every day, upon awakening, and before you get out of bed. I permit Myself to repeat only 3 things each day, such as how grateful I am that I have all of My 5 senses and that I live in a country where I have amazing freedoms as a Woman when so many Women are repressed by institutionalized fear of their greatness.

It is a scientifically proven fact that positive thoughts generate euphoria-inducing chemicals such as dopamine, which is the pleasure neurotransmitter!

It turns out that memory recall can be used to regulate mood in people who are experiencing depression, because thinking about positive memories causes the brain to release dopamine… [Read more on How Stuff Works]

So, begin your day with a jump-start of dopamine and take it from there. As soon as you become aware of those negative thoughts, immediately put your focus on what you are grateful for. As with all exercise, practice makes improvements in all areas of your life. in a very short amount of time, you will notice that you are more energetic, feel better about everything, and are able to remain positive and empowered for longer periods of time even when dealing with stress.

And this holiday season, give another gift that is truly useful to yourself and your loved ones by shifting your focus to your great-fullness by practicing gratitude!

OK, that was the nice way to give My message of cheer! For those who insist on being miserable, see graphic on the right!

Happy Holidays & A Powerful New Year!

UPDATE 3/16/14: Video “Tapping Into Gratitude”

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles

• Being Superior; My “How To” Process: Part 3 of 3 of “Domain Maintenance”
• More Safety Tips For Dommes by Divine Lady Sunna
• The Tapping Solution Blog

October 24, 2017

Dear Mistress Didi*,

I find myself focusing on my past breakup and having nothing but regrets.  In Your workshop, You mentioned getting stuck in “coulda-woulda-shoulda” and I can’t seem to move on. Can You please help me?

“quicksand”

Dear “quicksand,”

Aren’t you in luck – I just wrote the perfect response to your query for someone else!

READY? Let’s go!

STOP thinking of your experiences as regrets and see them as lessons:

  There is always something of value to be learned to support you in what you really want.

  No one is born knowing everything (no matter how many folks want to believe they are) and the entire purpose of The Gift of Life is to have experiences and learn from them to BE the best person you can be.

  Perspective is the key to happiness. Know the adage of seeing the glass as half-empty or half-full? How you choose to see your world creates your reality. So, I recommend being kind to yourself and choosing the most supportive and FUN ways to deal with every experience you have.

  Practice FORGIVENESS and begin with forgiving yourself. One of the main reasons one has regrets is because you are playing the make-wrong-game of thinking that you shoulda-woulda-coulda known better.

◊   How can you know better if you have not had the experience and learned from it?

◊  NOTE: Those i-told-you-so people can ONLY offer info from their experience as they have learned — or not — from it. And far too many people offer advice from second-hand and/or NO experience whatsoever. Their goal is to play the make-YOU-wrong-game — whether they admit it or not.

⇒  People who are on your side will offer suggestions about what to do now instead of invalidating what you did/didn’t do.

  Here’s something that works particularly well for Me: View offenders as servants for your greatness.

◊  When We wallow in the hurt feelings of betrayal, etc., We continue setting Ourselves up for what We perceive as failure (not being loved; not being worthy; not [insert whatever here]).

◊  People pay servants to perform useful tasks. Consider what you believe offenders have taken from you (especially, emotionally) as payment for an educational opportunity. And let them be paid in full.

◊   By operating from a perspective of SELF-TRUST, you heal faster, learn better, and can choose more wisely in the future.

⇒  Give yourself permission to have a few setbacks and bumps in the road to refine your lessons instead of viewing these as failures.

◊   And if you really want to feel better about it, write the offender a thank you note and — without sounding bitter (so take time to ruminate on your feelings which serves you to clarify them) — tell the offender how their nefarious behavior has made them a “good servant” and useful for the oxygen they breathe… That’s My line and I mean it!

⇒  It’s fine to never send the note to them — this is a forgiveness tool that is designed to make you feel better and release the toxicity of your experience of them to be better served by them. It may actually be better not to send it to avoid further annoyance.

  Enhance your Awareness with empowering techniques and practices. Awareness is your Key to Freedom as you discover what your underlying thoughts are that imprison you in “dis-empowerment” and “misery conditioning” via religions, (anti)social structures, etc.

◊   READ consciousness raising materials and learn to meditate — and yes, there are apps for that!

◊   Limit/avoid useless, social media— you don’t need to know about every step that someone’s toddler takes just because they’re obsessed with posting about it…

⇒  Make sure to  and limit media-fear-mongering-ghoulishness.

  Take your face out of your phone and smile at people. Develop personal interaction skills so that you’re not rude-creepy and attracting rude-creepy people and experiences to you.

◊  LAUGH as often as possible because laughter releases four, main, ‘feelgood’ chemicals – endorphin,  oxytocin , serotonin, and dopamine in the brain, which supports everything I’ve written here.

◊  Learn to laugh at yourself because:

(1) you relieve yourself from the make-wrong-game;

(2) you learn from the experience in a state of joyousness, which is always more fun and useful than learning from pain; and

(3) when you can laugh at yourself, those who laugh WITH you contribute to your growth and those who laugh AT you will have NO effect on you because YOU have The Power in the situation.

◊  I make it a habit to laugh immediately before I go to sleep to get that feel-good chemical boost for a better night’s sleep and a much more glorious morning!

◊  PRACTICE GRATITUDE.The more you focus on what is good in your life and have gratitude for, the more you will have to be grateful for. That’s Universal Law. And talk about pumping those feel-good chemicals!!!!

⇒  Start with The Magic by Rhonda Byrne which is a 28-day practice to develop Gratitude. The booklet’s tagline is, “The easiest, fastest way to change your life.”

  Surround yourself with people who are on the same paths of consciousness as you are.

◊  IMPORTANT: Learn to be alone and enjoy your own company. As you evolve, people will come and go because they are working on (or not) their own, personal journeys. Being distracted by conditioning that being alone means being lonely and/or unwanted is UNTRUE and a waste of valuable time to do and be what YOU want.

◊  Be prepared to let go of friends and relatives— or put them to the side. What people fear most is change. And when you make changes for your personal growth, jealousy and sabotage can often come from those closest to you because they are afraid (for whatever reasons) to face their own “demons” to evolve. Some folks even choose to believe that to discourage and sabotage you is love for you!

⇒  One of My favorite practices is to say, “I love you for who you were in My life; I release you for who you choose to be now.”  Whether you actually say this to the person or not is irrelevant; this is a TOOL for your strength and forgiveness.

⇒  PAY ATTENTION to people’s actions. Don’t make excuses for their bad behaviors because they’re a relative or you’ve been friends for a long time. None of that means (1) they truly care for you now and/or (2) that you owe them anything — especially to take abuse from them. You don’t need to know why or what their reasons are for being non-supportive of your happiness and greatness. Treat yourself well and them accordingly.

  Get and stay healthy — mind, body and spirit.

◊  Mind: Meditate daily; have daily infusions of positive news; READ conscious-raising materials; keep your focus on what you want and avoid negative distractions.

◊  Body: Exercise; eat with a focus to BE HEALTHY rather than skinny or whatever mind-control-conditioning is running you; rest/recuperate/sleep; get massages — Groupon and massage schools offer affordable options.

⇒  Try different forms of yoga to get started and/or enhance your routines because yoga is also excellent for the mind and spirit. Check out Sara Ivanhoe’s Yoga For Dummies Series — excellent! The link is to several, FREE YouTube videos.

◊  Spirit is NOT limited to religious conditioning; it is about the expansion of your excellence to contribute to The Whole. Follow your heart and what feels good with the highest integrity.

  MOST IMPORTANTLY, DON’T BE LAZY.This is the greatest time in known history for finding and having what you want with information at your fingertips, literally. The same way folks can search for the latest music video (or porn…), search for answers to your questions. If ever there was a time that “seek and ye shall find” was true, it is now!

◊  While there are many generous people who will share their knowledge, ONLY YOU can find what you need and how you need it.

REMEMBER: YOU are the creator of your life. Change your perspective, change your world. CHOOSE BETTER everything and that is what you will have.

You CAN do it! Good luck and I support you in living your greatest life and contributing your greatness to The Whole!

For detailed techniques, check out My current and upcoming Workshops.  Custom and private Workshops may be created,

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:

• The True Discipline
• Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude
• Dealing With Disappointing People
• Chill Out Training Technique: The Tapping Solution

September 5, 2016

Dear United States of America,

I write this as an offering to reconsider how We remember 9/11.

This wretched, “9/11 tradition” of assaulting Us by rehashing the events that brought Us terrible sadness does NOT allow Us to move forward in pride as a nation, as communities, as neighbors, as families.

It makes no emotionally-intelligent sense to continue to horrifically mourn the deceased for over a decade when We can honor each individual who perished on that day by celebrating their special gifts and contributions to their families and communities.

The attack on Our senses of non-stop, repeated footage of dreadful events is a tactic that keeps people docile with fear and loathing.

• Instead of tuning into non-stop-replays of The Towers coming down all day long and replayed over and over again on what passes for news TV;

• Instead of bombarding every channel with reading the names of the deceased for hours;

• Instead of tuning into h8te-mongers at pulpits inciting anti-love tactics in the name of their all-might-money-gods;

• Instead of staring at your brown-skinned and Muslim neighbors with suspicion; let Us consider evolving Our consciousness towards being a Better America;

• Instead of participating in ghoulish practices that bring an entire country’s vibration down, wouldn’t you much prefer to hear:

about the wonderful ways that the victims inspired people?

about the foundations and good works done in their names?

how their memories are now supporting Our Better Lives?

Wouldn’t you feel inspired to be an American by knowing how Our communities have grown stronger and moved forward from tragedy instead of being bombarded by what is actually whining – not remembrance, and certainly not honor for the deceased?

Every “religious” tradition has wisdom that serves for Us to live Better Lives.  Judaism offers the tradition of sitting shiva, which refers to “a seven-day period of formalized mourning by the immediate family of the deceased.”

“The psychological brilliance of Judaism is nowhere more apparent than in its carefully ritualized structure for dealing with grief. The open expression of sorrow is permitted, even encouraged.  Yet, beginning with the family’s arrival at their home after burial, a process is set into motion that leads the bereaved gently but firmly back to life and the world of the living. The first stage in this gradual process of healing is called shiva.” – ReformJudaism.org

Note:  Coincidence? Shiva, “The Auspicious One,” is the Hindu deity who is “the Creator, the Preserver, the Transformer, and the Destroyer.”  In spiritual traditions, Shiva embodies The Cycle of Life.  Interesting…

It’s time to create a New 9/11 Tradition of honor and pride.

We have the opportunity to build Better Communities by Being Better Neighbors.  We have the opportunity to learn about Our differences – like how We pray – to strengthen Our similarities – like how We love Our children.

Let Us start by taking the time to honor and remember what makes this country great and turn the annual 9/11 debacle into a Day of Inspiration.  We don’t need constant reminders of the horror; We need reminders of Our Greatness as a country made up of many different cultures, peoples, beliefs, and ways to love to be encouraged to be an even Better America.  We need these reminders because We are bombarded on a daily basis with the most negative news and awful behaviors of people at their worst and little to no time is spent celebrating Us at Our Best.

We can change this NOW, this 9/11 and every one thereafter, by choosing:

• NOT to watch TV that day. (The same goes for turning your attention to gruesome news websites.)  You don’t need to see those Towers fall ever again.  If enough people tune out, media companies will feel the loss of advertising profits and attend to Our interests for a change;

• To organize and/or attend a community building event. How fortunate We are to live in the internet age and have socializing websites like Meetup and even craigslist to find events to commune with like minds and energies;

• To pay it forward. Do something for the future.  In his wisdom and respect, President Obama declared 9/11 as a Day of Service, which is truly the highest way to honor Our deceased.  Plant a tree; clean up a lot to create a community garden; see where there is a need in your community and show up to be a solution and contribution;

• Learn something new. The more We know, the more We grow.  Especially if you’re a parent, take the opportunity to learn something new with your children to encourage their love of learning and sharing ideas.  A good thing to learn about would be a high-holy day in a tradition different from your own so that you may enhance tolerance in yourself and your children for a better today and tomorrow.

These are just a few suggestions that work for Me.  Please, do your thing.  The fact that you and I have as much freedom to do what We want to do as We have, already makes Us better off than the majority of the people on this planet.

Let’s not waste any more time festering in horror and being negative; let’s rise up with honor and integrity and be inspired by how We have strengthened as a nation from tragedy.

— This article’s Twin Towers painting: Original artwork by Jim Watts (2002)

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

 Related articles:

• The True Discipline
• Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude
• The Secrets of Happy Fetish
• Chill Out Training Technique: The Tapping Solution