December 3, 2019

UPDATED INFO from original post, How To Stop A Stalker

The United State Department of Justice National Institute of Corrections has moved/removed the resources that I mentioned in My original article.  I can’t help but think this creep-president and his associates’ deplorable behavior has a LOT to do with the disappearance of resources detailing steps to protect yourself and hold barbarians accountable for heinous atrocities…

Here is an updated list of resources along with My original article.

Safe Horizons Stalking Resources

Office for Victims ofCrime

Victim Connect offers a list of resources and information on the various types of stalking.  “The VictimConnect Resource Center is a place for victims of all crime to learn about their rights and options, confidentially and compassionately. VictimConnect can be accessed anywhere in the United States through a traditional telephone-based helpline and innovative text and online chat services Monday through Friday. Services are available in English and Spanish and interpreters for more than 200 languages can be accessed. Victim assistance specialists help people who reach out find appropriate national, local, or online resources. Additionally, victimconnect.org has information regarding types of crime, crime statistics, and maintains a searchable online directory for crime victim service providers. VictimConnect is a program of The National Center for Victims of Crime. ”

The Community Policing Dispatch is the award-winning e-newsletter of the Community Oriented Policing Services (COPS Office) offers Stalking: Know It. Name It. Stop It with guides for law enforcement as well as for victims and links to publications and multimedia resources to identify and properly attend to stalking.

And just because, The United States Department of Justice offers links to helplines.

Information from the original How To Stop A Stalker:

CallerSmart.com provides an excellent resource on cyberstalking and what to do if you are a victim, along with a very, cool app! CallerSmart helps you identify mystery callers and block those you don’t want to hear from ever again. Definitely check it out!

• Cyberstalking: What Is Cyberstalking and What to Do if You’re a Victim

And thanks to Callersmart for these resources:

• WHO@ (Working to Halt Online Abuse) has a searchable database of U.S. laws regarding cyberstalking — see what the laws are in your state.

• Wired Safety has a plethora of information and resources including on sexting, sextortion, and revenge porn for all you pervs…

• National Stalking Helpline can provide help and advice for victims.

January 12, 2012

Dear Mistress Didi*,

I am sorry to hear about Your unfortunate circumstances with [name of stalker omitted], especially after all that You did for him. I want to thank You for providing anti-stalking resources in Your Newsletter and ask if I may reprint Your article to assist others who have to deal with similar horrors? Sincerely, Sir WLX

Dear Sir WLX,

It is My pleasure to give You ~ and anyone else who wishes to share the safety resources I’ve provided against STALKING ~ permission to do so. I ask that You please provide a link back to My Resources Page so that as many people as possible will have access to opportunities for positive growth and joy.

For anyone reading this reply who is not aware of the heinous activities that caused Me to cooperate with the FBI, it is My intention that, by making the public aware of his lascivious behavior, the offender is prompted to seek psychiatric and emotional health assistance so that no one else nor his children will be victims of his vicious behaviors, such as the injuries he has caused to My submissive and his children. (See also: Warning: This year’s stalker…)

NOTE: October 2, 2018 – For up-to-date resources, see The United States Department of Justice National Institute of Corrections.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

• Safety Tips For Dommes
• How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks
• How To Stop A Stalker
• Warning: This year’s stalker…

This post is a letter I wrote to a very special friend who, though I’ve not yet met in person, I have a very special place in My heart for. She is one of the Shining Stars who pops up in your life just when you need them, whether you know it or not. Because of Her beautiful spirit and Her inspiring gifts, I shared one of My most joyous Life Lessons with Her. In keeping with the what I am creating with Ask Mistress Didi*, I share this post to encourage the brave people who are doing the work to BE Better. I appreciate all of you! And remember to remind your friends that you appreciate them, too!

*****

Dear Ms. Star,

Thank you, as always, for the lovely smiles you send! Other than the disappointing news You wrote about, I hope that life is treating You very well. It is quite the challenge to get past the nefarious actions of people who prove unworthy of Our considerations. So, here’s what I’d like to offer:

I am having an amazing journey! I would like to share this with You because, whether you know it or not, You have been a precious gift to Me in so many, many ways! I respect Your intelligence, integrity, and the beauty You share with The Whole. I believe that souls travel in groups to learn and that We have a special connection. If this is just My fantasy, well, I hope You enjoy reading about My Journey and that You are able to appreciate My revelations in My Truth! However, from Our interactions, I’m sure that what I share will be right on time for You.

My Solar New Year’s Commitment is to BEing true to Myself, Honoring how well I handle My “stuff” (which includes My Sadism, quelling My desires for retribution, and the enjoyments of watching offenders suffer), and to BEING Better. I knew from birth that sometimes what I can think and how I can feel are so intense that they even scare Me! So, I choose to work on that to be a positive contributor to Life on Our planet and in The Universe!

Unlike the vast majority of people, I don’t try to pretend that We don’t all have a duplexity [Genetics – a double-stranded region of DNA] of Sadist and masochist in Our natures. So, because I take responsibility for My nature, My heart, and My Spirit, I have committed My life to balancing My Karma. As a Libra, the duality of My Nature has always been challenging when I’ve based it on society’s rules – which are designed to imprison Us in disenfranchisement.

So, after 2 most recent years of thievery; heartbreak; deaths; sabotage from loved & trusted ones; loss of property, income, business, etc., I recognized how I need to be “able to sleep at night” to attend to My Karma — per My understanding of guidance I received from My audience with His Holiness The Dalai Lama. His Holiness told Me, when I asked about Karma — and referred to Jesus saying to turn the other cheek — that Jesus didn’t say to get beat up; that Karma is whether you can sleep at night – did you take care of yourself? If something in the past tortures you in the present (shoulda-woulda-coulda), it affects/creates your future as moment leads to moment. So, if someone slaps you and you didn’t take care of your needs in the moment for whatever reasons, it is your karma to learn and choose what to do to take care of your well-being from NOW (present) on (future) – even if that is slapping them back (My words; not The Dalai Lama’s!).

I realized that experiencing and expressing My Joy was impeded by My attachments to “other people’s interpretations of right/wrong.” And while I was treating people the way I want to be treated, their lack of self-love and awareness made them comfortable to treat Me like poo-on-a-shoe – down to finding fault with ME for stealing from ME (including betrayal, theft, abusing My kindness, etc.).

So, I wrestled with feeling sorry for them because of the stresses in their lives and all of the other crap that was taught to Me via the sociology-religious slavery doctrines (“conditioning”) that have nothing to do with The Golden Rule, and I found Myself regressing into a major case of “the grumpies.” Because I meditated on My Commitment to BEing Better, it became clear to Me that I was not Living My Truth! And I had that magnificent epiphany of FULLY Accepting MySelf! (Meanwhile, I thought I had accepted Myself a long time ago already…) Life is truly a Journey of Learning About Yourself.

Side Note: Talk about synchronicity: I’m listening to a new mix from one of My DJs and Teddy Pendergrass is singing, “You Can’t Hide From Yourself!”

I KNOW that I am a loving, giving, Goddess Healer (which The Universe has just confirmed with a position as Director of a special, medical-science, research project of My dreams!) and that one of My Purposes on the planet at this time is to be a guide to Happy Wellness. In order for Me to BE in My Purpose, I deserve to “BE Happy & Well in Truth.” And that looks like this:

• I am clear on My intentions. Intentions are the root of all creations and define the value of all actions and, Karma itself. Somewhere along My Life, I picked up the belief that I am not to BE “human” with all of My emotions, desires, and thoughts BEing “valid.” I attribute this to My upbringing and special circumstances that defined My childhood and determined My approach to Life (“conditioning,” again). After all the “drama,” I am affirmed that My intentions come from a place of Love – even if others want to believe that when I do something FOR Me that it is against them. I am committed to loving Myself first in order to best love others and contribute to The Whole. This is the basis for “My Religion: SpiritualHedonism” and how I WANT to BE and live My Life.

• I forgive the offenders out loud. I RESPECTFULLY tell them to their faces, write them letters, make videos for them, write public blog posts, whatever works for ME to (1) have completion and (2) make sure that there is absolutely NO way that they do not have the opportunity to accept responsibility for their offenses. I ALWAYS apologize if I have wronged someone who has made Me aware of how they feel offended by My actions that have truly caused them any harm. And I make it a point to make amends (if warranted) and to be more careful in the future. It is the choice of offenders to do what they will do, but the knowledge of what they’ve done cannot be ignored or distorted to avoid their responsibilities for their actions.

• I have released My Flying Monkeys! Coming from a Magickal Family, I’ve lived My entire life watching inexplicable things happen to people who offend Us and judging this to be wrongful uses of Our Energies (which may have been true in some cases, but Karma was always in play). I used to do a LOT of work to contain My Energies from directing “accelerated Karma” for all involved — which includes Me. My concern with MY Karma is the sole reason that so many people have not “spontaneously combusted” in one way or another! Now, I’ve removed all interests that I had in place for their protection, etc. No more of My “guardians” and “watchdogs” to safeguard them from the ramifications of their stupidities; they shall suffer their consequences without My generous interventions (which I believe were actually interfering with Karma where My conditioning made Me believe I was “being good” to have such care for those who offend Me).

Now, instead of mistakenly believing that I was enhancing My Good Karma, I’ve come to believe that I was retarding both My and the offenders’ Karmic travels. So, without wishing malice, I wish “accelerated Karma” for all of Us. Knowing My true intentions, I have no fear. I’ve released The Flying Monkeys and Karma is forever in My favor!

• I have created I Win-I Win situations. Since I AM accepting My Truth, whatever offenders do, the seeds for Personal Growth have been planted. If they choose to be honorable, they will thrive and continue to have Me for the inspiration, motivation, feel-good-about-themselves-musings that they have taken Me for granted for in the past. However, each and every time they come to Me, I “water the Seeds of Awareness” that I’ve planted. If they choose to be despicable, their behavior is fertilizer for their deserved suffering to exponentially grow as constant reminders of how they’ve offended Me (and others). The offenders will (i) not be able to sleep peacefully, (ii) will actually look haggard to themselves and to others, and (iii) have all of the things that would normally happen via Karma, but which they WILL be aware of the connections to Me no matter how hard they try to ignore My seeds. And I get to watch them suffer from their own devices — provided I care enough to know about them at all! MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I am clear that I do not delight in suffering; I delight in pleasure however one enjoys it without harming another. This is the tenet of My Fetish Lifestyle. And I delight in seeing Karma at work. To better deal with the disappointments of offenders, I consider their actions to be a balance of Karmic Debt so that I am free from past lifetime stuff that brought Us together in this lifetime, and that I will not “suffer” them in subsequent lifetimes. This thinking helps Me to accept a lot of crapazoola that has occurred in My Life and to move forward with Joy!

Best of all, I am free from that wretched feeling of needing retribution. I can BE and am BETTER than that! Karma has My back ~ and My front!

You know how epiphanies work: they can “take a long time coming,” but they are recognized instantaneously! Well, POOF! Puff of Practical Magick and [personal success info omitted to maintain privacy]. THIS is what makes Me KNOW and understand that, although some folks may not be able to understand My Epiphany as I described to You, it is definitely the right thing for Me to do to BE Happy & Well.

And this is why I have shared with You: I hope that My journey of Self-Judgment to an Epiphany of My Truth affirms You in remembering to Honor Your Truth. Our concepts of right and wrong, et al., are based upon the Grand Illusion that enslaves the populace in darkness. We are The Beacons of The Light and We MUST SHINE in Our Unique and Varied Ways. It does not serve Us to judge Our ways based on other people’s agendas; it is Our duty to accept Ourselves in totality to discover Our Truths to choose how We will work powerfully for Ourselves and The Whole.

Thank You for letting Me share My Joy with You, who are always a giver of Joy to Me!

Namaste.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles:

• • Forgiveness
  • The True Discipline
  • Keeping Cool With Karma

July 31, 2016

This is another entry for submissives AND Dominants to utilize for BetterFetish in your life. I cannot stress enough how important it is to take the time to carefully read and follow  instructions to avoid ruining great opportunities for yourself and others.

With all of the resources and tips that I generously give, there are always folks who (1) are their own, worst enemies; and (2) choose to be insulted because they failed to PAY ATTENTION AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

Most folks are busy people who are juggling the important things in life to have time for Fetish Enjoyments. One of the worst things a potential submissive can do is to waste Our time.  A Smart Domme will prepare written materials to:

• prevent repeating Herself unnecessarily;
• ensure that Her Rules and Requirements can be understood; and
• provide an easy resource for those who are seeking to serve.

Smart Dommes know that how a submissive complies with written instructions will demonstrate how s/he will show up in Your Domain.

A smart and worthy submissive will pay attention and follow instructions carefully. Really smart submissives read and re-read instructions before making further connections with the Domme.

The person who inspired this Ask Mss Didi* post:

1. Has been on My Mailing List for years, so he is familiar with how I do things;
2. Has attended one of My Events, so he has had first-hand experience with how I do things; and
3. Is a perfect demonstration of a desperate substandard — which is NOT attractive or desirable — it is a form of psychic/emotional vampirism.

Now, I usually-always give people a second chance, but I do have a 3-strikes-you’re-out Rule. This guy demonstrates that his ONLY concern is what he wants and he’s not even aware enough to realize that he was given a second chance and is looking to be coddled and catered to.  Had he bothered to follow instructions, he would have seen that I’m in the be-served business, not the service industry.

In My previous post, How-To Tips for submissives: First Contact  (links to which are all over My websites and in My emails that this person responded to), I emphasize:

4)     Whatever you do, don’t approach Us with desperation! Do not beg! We will tell you when We want you to beg. Desperation is a warning sign of emotional immaturity, of whiners, energy vampires, incompetence, and selfish kinksters. While that may be a desire for some Dominants, I don’t know any of those types – and don’t want to know them because their attraction to people with “baggage” will bring drama-not-on-Broadway with them wherever they go. Neediness is NOT attractive and is a setup for disaster.

Here is the exchange that demonstrates that this person is lazy, inconsiderate, a faker-taker who will offer nothing of value to be worthy of My Domain.

Mistress Didi:

Is there any chance that a competent male might help with the move, in the hope of catching the eye of a domme who deems that male useful?
You have been most hospitable to this one in the past. Seeking a new FLR, not just play.

submissively
jun

My reply:

How lovely to offer and thank you, but the move is out of the country and I have trained staff.

I will be in NYC for the month of August (so far) and perhaps discussions about FLR may ensue. Do contact Me after 7/25 and read My Requirements.

Have a lovely day!

Note: My Requirements have a form to be submitted for consideration to serve Me — something I encourage Dominas to do to weed out the wankers. jun did NOT submit the required form and is only focused on his agenda.

Mistress Didi:

As You instructed, contacting You (nearly) after 7/25.  Read Your requirements, fully compliant.

Await Your pleasure pertaining to FLR.

submissively

jun

My 2nd Chance reply:

Clearly, you need to read My instructions again and pay attention this time.

his reply

Mistress Didi:

Apologies if i overstepped.  Did read and understand Your instructions.
Presumed, incorrectly, that You recalled me from past visits.
Once waited several hours at Your event for a Mistress who never arrived.  Served at another event.
Were we not thus previously acquainted, would never have dared to offer the services that began this thread, below.
How might one start over, at Your pleasure?

submissively
jun

Note: I have no recollection of this guy serving at any of My Events, which means that either he was not worth remembering or that he’s one of those people (there are many) who made up a story about serving Me and actually believes his lie!

Also note: jun’s apology has NOTHING to do with My response to follow instructions and he continues to make his request!

My 3rd Strike Reply:

There are always 3 things I consider when someone requests to serve Me:

1) how well they follow My instructions – which are the same for everyone and those who are worthy of My time and attentions follow them properly. I intensely dislike repeating Myself which is why I have what needs to be known written on My websites;

2) if they have bothered to read any of the gracious gifts I offer so that selfish-time-wasters don’t annoy Me; and

3) if someone has ever met Me in person and/or attended any of My events, how considerate to My ventures they have/have not been.

No, you did not properly pay attention, even after I gave you a chance to review My instructions, or you would have followed them.

I respectfully took the time to not only review My correspondence history with you, but also the instructions on My webpages and ensured that the links work.  Obviously, you did not take the time to follow My instructions – as those who are serving Me did and do.

you attended ONE of My events to meet a person who stood you up and I have not received anything from you since – not a hello or Happy Birthday email and definitely not a donation to My Charities. All you have offered is a desperate plea to “serve” – which in your case, means to serve yourself.

Had you paid attention to the links at the bottom of My email or the sidebar of My websites, you would have seen My recent Ask Mss Didi* post for submissives that addresses desperation and other faux pas that you continue to make.

If you don’t bother to invest the proper time in the preliminary steps to have what you want, you will not take the time to be of useful and proper service.  And you show that you do not invest even the minimal amount of time to appreciate Me and My Domain, which would make you a liability and annoyance.

And I have no use for someone who must be led-by-the-nose to even begin a connection with Me.

Good luck.

Now, jun can choose to be offended or he can learn from this experience. My Karma is positive as I have outlined his transgressions for review. On top of being efficient and gracious by making My Requirements easily available, I have gifted him with the chance to make improvements. What he chooses to do is his Karma.

I encourage submissives to take a look at your presentation because it shows your intentions whether you are aware of this or not. There are many people who don’t pay attention and just get excited that someone wants to serve them, but the Quality Fetishists pay close attention! When you are clear on your motivations, you can better refine your search for Dominas Who match your desires.

Domina101 Lesson

One of My Domina101  Collective Participants did what females who coddle their annoying male relatives do: she rushed to defend jun by saying that, perhaps, he didn’t understand My instructions or, perhaps, he didn’t have time to “read all that!” I relayed that if he did not have time to make a good start, he would definitely make a poor finish! And since I am not a desperate Domme, I do not bother to waste time on people who, for whatever their reasons, don’t give Me the time to properly begin a relationship with Me and What Is Mine. I have what he wants, not the other way around, and the submissive must be worthy of the attention he craves.

Her focus was on accommodating this stranger, which is something that people confuse with “being considerate of others’ needs.” As the Domme, Your needs are the primary consideration and Your attentions should be given to the useful and worthy. This conversation gave her the opportunity to see a reason that the subs who have shown up in her life did not fulfill her requirements and were not attentive to her desires. Making excuses for failures is a certain path to discontent.

I strongly recommend that you appreciate the many other Gifts I offer on My Ask Mss Didi* site to improve your chances for creating the D/s relationship of your dreams and avoid nightmares.  Pay particular attention to the following:

My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide

Domme vs. “dumme”

submissive vs. substandard

The Importance of Rituals and Protocols

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

• The Difference Between Fetish & Kink
• Fakers, Shakers, Takers, Noise-Makers
• submissive vs. substandard
• 10 Domina101 Tips