A Domina101 Tip

December 27, 2014

This post is in response to a few conversations regarding an incident where a Dominant made a few enemies due to her lack of courtesy. Let this be a guideline for You when You’re “Domme-tripping,” and for how to deal with head-trippers.

Never expect anything from a pig except a grunt.
~ #quote My Fabulous Grandmother

You know that thing: the oh-so-Dommey-Dom/me who condescends to You right off the bat? Even knowing that You’re a Domme? Not that condescending without a good reason is ever ok…

My recent experience of that thing while celebrating the Holiday Spirit:  I asked a few Dommes I’ve been aware of if they would like for Me to mention them and their works in My Holiday Newsletter. One lovely, Domina said thanks and didn’t give Me drama-not-on-Broadway where drama belongs. The other one is the perfect representation of what I’m writing here and I’ve made her useful for a Domina101 training. Now:

1)    I am a very gregarious person and a strong supporter of Women Supporting Women;

2)    I am in NO way desperate for content for My Newsletter or for anything that I do; and

3)    I am not asking for anything from YOU other than exactly how you would like Me to present your work in My Newsletter, which is more for-and-about-you than it is for Me.  If one chooses to look at the situation as someone doing something for someone else (which I don’t), I’m doing YOU the favor of free promotion – not the other way around. I am generously sharing My resources with You.

We all know that technology today makes it possible to research the person you’re dealing with before you make a complete turd of yourself. And yet, it is My experience on a regular basis that all these silly creatures do is look at My photos and immediately make up ignorant- fantasies about Me that are extremely limited… The really gruesome just look to pick out specific words in something you and I post online about OUR experiences to play the make-wrong game. And those who believe that they are as ugly as they are, are outright rude in person – as if somehow, everyone observing will not peg their behavior as jealousy. Pity these people; there is something seriously lacking in the quality of their existence that makes them hostile and combative. Pity them, but definitely put them in their places – beneath You.

While I do pity them, I find it helpful to understand the motivations for their rudeness to prevent Me from wanting to completely eviscerate them. I am a Responsible Sadist whose motto is:

Don’t start none, won’t be none – I finish it.

How To Handle The Piggy Dom/me

1)    Recognize that s/he is intimidated by You and needs to convince herself of her false-sense of superiority. People who suffer from inferiority complexes often believe that if they can force their idea of dominance onto you, that they will prove to the world that they are superior to everything and everyone else.

2)    Whatever You do, do not become hostile. That’s exactly what they want You to do! They can only feel alive through negative experiences because that is the punishment of people who focus on lower-level activities and expression. These are the people, after all, who usually don’t exercise, eat well, or read, and who rush to watch judgment-TV with bowls of junk food-stuff on a daily basis. That is the recipe for toxicity and they are toxic in mind, body, and spirit. So, they most certainly can’t feel good about themselves and they want to disrupt the flow of everyone who not only lives well and feels good, but certainly those who look good! These are also the people who are quick to call YOU conceited for having a sense of style – which, in My Opinion, is Our Duty To Society.

3)    Dismiss them. As always, You have the choice in how You wish to respond. I usually treat them with pleasantries and respect right up until the moment they serve their purpose for Me dealing with them in the first place. Then, I immediately change My tone of communication to a clearly-dismissive one. This lets them know that they are no longer of importance and shakes up their comfort zone. The best part is that I always “plant a seed of torture” – Domina101 participants know what I mean! Ahhh, delicious!

A favorite story recanted among My Associates is of a male dominant who had the audacity to think he could bark orders to Us at an event. You know the type: the guy who thinks that every woman – especially Dommes – really want to sub to him.  It was immediately clear to Me that this person would never be someone or something enjoyable or of value to Me or Mine. So, I chose to “nip it in the bud,” as the expression goes. I stood in front of him, pointed My finger at him, laughed genuinely, turned to My submissive and walked away, laughing. For the rest of the event, I specifically let him see Me enjoying Myself with worthy humans and not once did My eyes glance in his direction. I made him disappear. As usual, the gruesome grapevine passed along his attempts to defame Me, but witnesses addressed his rudeness before I ever got wind of their remarks – not that I care about gruesomes have to say anyway. They only serve to add salt to the wounds of My sprouting seeds of torture.

4)    Most importantly, let it be known that You don’t care about them. They have served your purpose and are unworthy of further attention. People who do not care for themselves want you – anyone – to care about them. Because they know that they are bereft of redeeming qualities, the only tool they have to be noticed is gruesome behavior. And that’s where pity can be a most useful tool for You.

As a Responsible Sadist, I find comfort in leading them by the nose into seeing just how ridiculous they are. Because I am a firm believer in Karma, I always find ways to give a reality slap that permits offenders the opportunity for personal growth – which is good for My Karma, which is always My primary motivation. What they choose to do with My Gift is their karma.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

 *****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles:

• Confusing Dominance for bullying
• Pity The Self-Loathing
• Domme vs. “dumme”

Special Note

June 5, 2013

This note was written to assist a person who was dismissed from My Domain for (1) increasingly aggressive behavior, (2) over-stepping boundaries with My Guests and Friends; and (3) endangering My well-being while disobeying medical and legal rules on his driving abilities, to move on with his life in a positive manner and to cease and desist all threats, stalking, harassment (including of My assistants and associates), and attempts to disrupt anything else in My Domain before he destroys his family’s life and future.

 *****

Here’s why I have such extensive security measures for ALL of My Events:

One of the annoyances of extending invitations to the public is having to vet undesireables.

There is always some creature who refuses to take responsibility for his bad behavior being the reason he was ejected from My Domain and not wanted by the people who associate and party with Me.

These types of people were that ugly kid on the playground that no one liked because he was too busy trying to force what he wanted on everyone else and didn’t ever want to learn how to “play nice.” So, when people rejected him for being creepy, a liar, a cheat, a manipulator, etc., he maintained (and still does as an adult) that everyone else is wrong to OFFEND him with ostracization.

I have always felt sorry for the ugly-little-kids and, obviously, STILL have not learned that by giving them a chance to be cool, that they will not choose to evolve. These are damaged creatures who “bite the hand that feeds them” and only desire to destroy because they don’t feel they are worthy of love in any of its forms. And they do everything possible to refuse your kindness to prove that point!

So, this year’s ugly-little-kid is doing:

• the stalking thing;
• the typical attempting-to-defame-Me thing;
• the making-up-profiles-on-fetlife-to-attempt-to-taunt-Me thing (poor creature even has them giving him compliments);
• the projecting-his-behaviors-onto-Me-thing;
• the believing-there’s-a-conspiracy-against-him thing;
• the attempting-to-pit-My-friends-and-other-women-against-Me thing;
• the harassing-My-assistants thing;
• the texting-and-emailing-Me thing;

– all the usual loser-fare that all the other losers before him have tried to do. they are never original.

And this one refuses to accept that there was a computer glitch – though knowing of My device problems – and an error occurred – the message wasn’t for or about him (but sociopathic narcissists always believe -everything- is about them). Nor will the creature accept the apology I made privately and publicly – as if anyone is even paying attention to him – which is ultimately his problem.

The sad thing is that these pathetic creatures are so insistent on making Me/you/everyone wrong for their choices to be immature, badly behaved, and their refusal to accept personal responsibility that they abuse and ENDANGER their own families. That’s how their children become drug addicts, alcoholics, victims of others’ abuses, commit suicide, etc.

The internet is a wonderful thing. I, for one, am glad that every movement you make is tracked by Big Brother and I’m voting for this practice to continue.

I’m also ecstatic that I have friends in high places who have taken steps to stop previous stalkers and are observing physically as well as electronically.

Hopefully, the offender will not be seen anywhere near Me and Mine again, or I will not be able to continue to protect him from My scary friends… even if I wanted to.

I really hope that this one – and all of the others – finally get the professional care that will help them to evolve to contribute something of beauty to the world and not waste their lives h8ting themselves. Because their self-h8tred IS the impetus for all of their behaviors.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles

• False Friends & Allies In Lies
• Safety Tips For Dommes

June 30, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I recently broke up with someone in The Scene.  The problem is that where I live, the community is very small and everyone knows each other.  Last weekend, there was a party and when I arrived, people had been talking about us and tried to get me to say what was wrong with him.  What bothers me most is that the people who approached me were not even people who were ever friendly to me in the past.  I felt very uncomfortable and left the party very early because I didn’t want to discuss our personal business with nosy people.  Since this is where I normally socialize, how do I handle them trying to be in my business?  And how do I keep my ex from talking about me to them?  Thank You, Miss Private

Dear Miss Private,

It is difficult to take the high road with low-lives.  However, that is My advice.  The most important thing you have is your reputation.  You and your ex know the truth, so no matter what anyone else chooses to think or say, your best defense is a strong offense.

Defuse the situation as soon as it presents itself.  The moment someone begins prying into your personal business, and especially if they try to get you to speak ill of your ex:

1)    Put your hand up with a gentle “stop” motion.  This speaks to the unconscious mind and helps to reinforce what you say to them on a conscious level.  Keep your hand near your own body – do not extend it into or near their space because this action will be perceived as invasive (even thought they are invading your space).  Then withdraw your hand into your own body and bring it to rest, which reinforces that you are taking responsibility both to your own and to observers’ subconscious minds;

2)    Be very kind, gentle, and direct as you take personal responsibility by saying something like, “It would not be polite or fair to [your ex] or to me to break the trust of our privacy.”

a)  Taking personal responsibility does not overtly make the nosy people wrong and prevents egotistical defenses (unless you are dealing with a complete moron);

b)  Maintaining a non-confrontational attitude alleviates you from being perceived as defensive; and

c)  If they push the issue further, they will expose themselves to be nosy gossips, which they most likely do not want to do.

3)    Immediately turn the topic of conversation on to the questioner – complimenting them in some way works best.  People like nothing better than to talk about themselves.  Complimenting attire or asking about something you know they are proud of or feel good about quickly takes the attention off of you and your business.

There will always be circumstances where you may have to do more work to get rid of a space invader.  Some other tips I recommend are:

• “Excuse me, costume malfunction!” and walk away.
• Asking them why they want to know and then stating that you wouldn’t want them to be accused of gossiping so you will take responsibility to change the subject.
• If you’re anything like Me, just say, “It’s none of your business.”  I usually do it ever so sweetly, with a lovely smile on My face, and jokingly as if their intention was to be humorous instead of nosy.

The goal is to maintain your dignity while refusing to divulge your personal and private information.

Should you encounter a situation where an offender will actually claim that your ex is saying crappy things about you, take the high road again with compassion.  “I am sorry to hear that he is so devastated that he has to tell such stories!  How pitiful.”  And walk away.  Walk away from that kind of offender because they are intent on disrupting your peace and looking for some kind of confrontation.  I have actually had a situation where such an offender decided to follow Me around to badger information from Me, so I chose a very, highly-visible area where people observed Me say, “Now I know why people say you’re a nosy gossip.”  And I walked away again.  It was unfortunate, but necessary, that I had to embarrass this dreadful creature.

You cannot stop your ex or other people from saying things.  The best approach is to make it a point to be observed being amused by the situation with a no-care attitude.  And don’t be a drama-queen when you do it.  Gossips and low-lives can only thrive if they disrupt your peace.  If you present yourself as if you don’t care, you disrupt their feeding frenzy and they will soon latch onto someone else.  If you really let go and don’t care about negative behavior, you free yourself to receive better things.

You may also want to read My blog post on what I call “gruesomes” as you seem to be surrounded by them and they’re everywhere… Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

• How To Move Forward & Strengthen From Crappy Relationships
• The 4 I’s
  (& Flopped Friendships)
• How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks