No Bully Zone

Confusing Dominance for bullying

September 4, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I read Your post on [site omitted] and would like to say how much I appreciated the way you handled [name omitted]’s attempts to be rude and completely disrespectful to You.  Though it was clear to everyone but  [name omitted] that her original post was not expressed properly, and that her attack on your suggestion for her was obviously designed to provoke You, You handled her perfectly.  It is so nice to see such elegance and class on [site omitted] for a change… Respectfully, Mistress JT


Dear Mistress JT,

Recently, I had yet another typically boring incident of someone mistaking My actions to be in line with the nefarious intentions they have in their own actions.  If I make a mistake, I WILL apologize.  Just tell Me – don’t address Me the way one should address their insidiously-ill-mannered-spawn.  Though the person’s manner should have been more polite, I quickly apologized and the cow replied back to Me as if she were speaking to a humiliation-sub.  Nothing she has serves Me in any way.  I was being gracious by contributing to her online forum in the first place.

Then, one of My Domina101™ Attendees contacted Me with a similar problem.  So, I’m having a glorious day and I’ve decided to share the Domina101™ tip that I gave to Her:

Being a Domme should be a lot more fun than it often is.  You have to remember to focus first on Who You Are.  These silly creatures out here are so confused by what it means to be Dominant/submissive that they just exhibit bad behavior which reflects their lack of self-love – and they are too ignorant to know it.

Being a Dominant first and foremost requires self-control and personal responsibility.  Too many “wanna-doms” think that to treat people with humiliation at any and every opportunity means being “in control.”  This is always a set up for what one wishes one coulda-woulda-shoulda done when they come across a True Dominant Who actually has a Domain and not just a delusion – like moderating an online group is the extent of one’s domain.  For too many cybercreeps, the online “community” is all they have to pretend that they are what they present themselves to be.  This is not only pathetic and sad, but a testament to how little they actually think of themselves to be too afraid to venture out into the Real World with those of Us who ARE walking Our talk.

Bullies are cowards which are, in My opinion, down there with the lowest of life forms.  A coward always makes everything and everyone a reason for why they are failures.  They are first to criticize what you have created while having created nothing of their own.  They are first to berate you for making a mistake as if they have never, ever made even one.  They do not know how to give compliments because they recognize and despise their lack of self-value.  They do not know how to accept apologies because they cannot accept their own fallibility.  Somehow, they believe they are perfect and that the world offends them by not showing up according to their limited ability, from even more limited experience, to think that it should be.  These are the same people who want to dictate exactly how You should be Dominant in Your Domain while knowing absolutely nothing about You, Your life, Your Reality, etc.  It is this type of “little world of domination” mentality that annoys those of Us who are living in the Real World of Owning One’s Domain.

I have recently had to post You Won’t Like My Events If… as a cordial warning to “space invaders” with this same bullying-distortion of what Dominance is.  If one has to bully, one is a coward, not a Domme.  A True Dominant knows that She does not lose anything by showing respect, gratitude, and graciousness without waiting for an invitation to do so.  She can do this because She loves Herself, is responsible for Her actions, maintains Her Domain, and is not threatened by how other people do things in theirs.  Most importantly, A True Dominant has no need to even attempt to enter someone else’s Realm and impose anything on it.

The beauty, as William Shakespeare said, is that “Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.”  Julius Caesar, Act 2, Scene II.  Sadist that I am, I take much pleasure in knowing that they repeatedly cause their own suffering by avoiding personal responsibility!  And then, I wish them well as long as they are far away from Me and Mine.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*


If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

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