Compassion & Tolerance

September 5, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I am a Domme in a D/s marriage to My submissive husband. I try and try to tolerate the way my husband’s sister is with her Master. Whenever they visit, which is weekly, she runs around My house putting things “just right for Master” and rearranging the pillows on My couch, moving plants off of the coffee table, and such. Because I adore My husband, I am trying very hard to deal with his sister’s choice to love and serve a person I could care less to know. I feel Myself getting to a boiling point and I don’t want to scorch everyone with the steam. Any suggestions? Lady W.


Lady W,

I’m going to give it to You straight with no chaser:

Compassion is the ability to see a person’s … “annoying behaviors” and recognize that this is where they are in their personal growth. You have the choice to allow this person and their behaviors in your personal space.

Tolerance is having the compassion to permit the person leeway to grow through such behaviors.

It is your responsibility to set boundaries – not only for your own well-being, but for the growth of the person whose behaviors come into conflict with your Peace of Being.

Otherwise, you are a part of the problem (in your life, in society, and in the person’s life) instead of being a part of the solution.

I always suggest taking the diplomatic approach to avoid having to “get ugly” and holding onto aggravation is a sure-fire way to explode.  You can research how to handle irritating behaviors on the internet and form Your own approach from the resources You find.  Another suggestion is that since your sister-in-law is a sub, You may wish to approach her with rules for Your Domain and express this to her Master.  If he’s any sort of a real Dominant (and not another person lost in the fantasy of his ego delusions), he will respect Your Domain on Your terms.

You have to “handle Your business” and, as the Wiccans say, when you work for yourself, soon you see that Self is everywhere.  That means that when you take care of Your needs, everyone else You love gets taken care of, too.  It is one of the benefits of being a Domme!

So, “Handle It!(That’s a power chant!)

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*


If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

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