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Owner vs. Fiancée

April 5, 2012

Dear Mistress Didi*,

I have just started this new world of submissive and my Master has told me to tell my fiancée i’m owned by him. Is this a normal thing to demand or is he overstepping his boundaries. I know she would not approve.

Thank You for reading my question and i look forward to any wisdom you wish to give me.

worried sub

Dear worried sub,

That’s a tough question because so many “Dominants” and others in The Scene misunderstand that integrity and consideration must go both ways in a D/s relationship and must be in balance with personal responsibilities in all areas of one’s life.  yours is a choice that must be made by you and only you.

When one becomes “owned,” the terms of such agreement MUST be determined BEFORE “collaring” (or becoming property).  Technically, once you are property, the will of your Owner comes before your will; you AGREE to put your Owner’s desires, etc. before your own.

However, I question the motives and integrity of any “Owner” who would jeopardize the safety and happiness of Her/his property.  A True Dominant will be considerate of your REAL life situations and responsibilities.

I also question the integrity, respect, and love of anyone who has a fiancé/fiancée and who does not share ALL of her/himself with that person – especially one’s Fetish Lifestyle.  If you are not fully committed to offer ALL of yourself to the person you are going to make the ultimate commitment for a lifetime of LOVE to, what is your worth as a person? Wife/husband? Dominant/ submissive?  What is the value of your Word?

Your Word is a reflection of your WORTH to yourself and your entire existence.

I will not advise you on what to do; I advise you to consider who you ARE and how you affect the people who trust you, which include your fiancée and your “owner.”

At the end of the day, at the end of your life, will you look back and be proud of who you are?  Or will you regret lacking integrity and everything else that is the measure of your worth?

Good luck.  More resources that will assist you: My Articles.  Pay particular attention to Domme vs. dumme and submissive vs. substandard along with other questions answered in My Ask Mistress Didi section.


If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi* Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

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