December 1, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Last night, I overheard You discussing forgiveness.  I only caught a bit of what You said, but it really helped me with a difficult situation that I am struggling with.  Can You please offer me some more advice?  Thank You, Ma’am.

~ Grateful

Dear Grateful,

Do understand that I write this from the perspective of a Sadist.  Where I choose the term, “punish” and similar words, I suggest you choose an action that resonates with your Truth.  I’m a Libra (The Scales), so perhaps that  also explains what I’m about to say.

I have a 3-strikes-you’re-out-rule for Myself because the first time, shame on you; the second time, I was gracious and you set yourself up for the Divine Torture I’m going to extremely enjoy when/if you offend Me the third time!

My commitment is to the Win-Win.  I do My very best to keep My Karma in balance.  So, I do everything from the place of understanding that everyone and everything in Our Universe is here to teach Our souls lessons.  When people disappoint Us – and they always will – it is part of Our mutual lessons.  It is not so much the situation as it is what We do with the situation that allows Us to grow towards Joy – if We choose to.

Now, here’s the tricky part: We are conditioned by religion, social mores (plural, noun, Sociology:folkways of central importance accepted without question and embodying the fundamental moral views of a group) & pressures, family “stuff,” etc., to believe that:

  • evolving means to deny anger and all of the feelings that are natural to being disappointed, disturbed ~ “dissed” – which is ludicrous and against Nature.
  • We should somehow be all-knowing so that when people disappoint Us, “I should have” known better, seen it coming, [insert self-defeating statement here].
  • it is either all Our fault OR the other person’s fault and We misunderstand personal responsibility.  It’s not until We’re adults that the concept of the dynamic of the interaction between ALL parties gives Us the opportunity to take a good look at Our egos (which shows Us how We are in/out of balance with Self-Love) presented to Us – if We’re lucky.

Having said that, I CHOOSE to permit everyone the opportunity to show Me who they are and HOW they are – which can often be quite different in behavior due to how folks handle stress and FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.  And because I embrace the fact that I Am A Sadist, and My Motto is Don’t start none, won’t be none, when they choose to operate outside of the Realm of Love and Respect, I enjoy creating balance for Myself.

I had the great fortune of meeting the Dalai Lama who told Me (I’m paraphrasing) that Karma is whether You can sleep at night.  I forgive offenders because, as Jesus said, “they know not what they do.”  And if they do know, they chose to receive the consequences for their actions – consciously or subconsciously – it’s all in Divine Order for evolution.  I torture them because I do know what I’m doing to take care of My needs and I own My responsibility for doing so.  I always choose to torture with the opportunity for evolution, because I’m also taking care of My Karma.

Some people think this is enacting vengeance.  I believe that the same way the offender gave Me the opportunity to grow through pain, I am the Agent of Karma in return by giving them the opportunity to evolve however they choose to interpret the consequences of their actions.

Forgiveness first begins with Yourself because We have to undo all of that “conditioning” that is designed to make Us wrong.  Once I do that, I find that I can choose to torture from a place of giving love, rather than from a place of retaliation.  I prefer to reward rather than to punish.  Sometimes, a gift can have an amazing sting, but one always grows through pain.  Whether they choose to grow towards Joy is their choice.

Hedonist that I Am (I created My own religion,  Spiritual Hedonism™), I choose Joy!

Resources For Forgiveness

Update 2016

The Forgiveness Project works at a local, national, and international level to help build a future free of conflict and violence by healing the wounds of the past.  By collecting and sharing people’s stories, and delivering outreach programs, The Forgiveness Project encourages and empowers people to explore the nature of forgiveness and alternatives to revenge.

6 Timeless Thoughts on Forgiveness from The Positivity Blog.  I recommend subscribing to this blog ~ very good stuff!

Handling Forgiving and Forgetting from

The Gift of Forgiveness with a wonderful video

Learning To Forgive – a good how-to guide

Added 2/29/16 – What Is Radical Forgiveness by Collin Tipping

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*


If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.