Tag Archives: howto

My Contributions, your purpose

February 21, 2016

Note: I choose to publish this entry to assist confused individuals who misunderstand the definition of Dominance and how it IS in real-life.

Whenever you offer something of value, people who contribute nothing and do nothing of their own, will often have the audacity to take offense and even threaten you.

Domina101™ Tip: ALWAYS clarify their value to Your REALITY. In this way, You give them an opportunity to evolve from ignorance — Good Karma for You! What they choose to do with Your Gifts is their karma.

Dear Mistress Didi*,

You’re not having fun parties any more and what’s with all this self-help crap? If You’re not going to get back to business, i’m leaving your mailing list.

‑ mama-told-me-i’m-special (the name I dubbed this creature)

* * * * *

Attention:

I’m in the be-served business; NOT the service industry.

I create Events that please ME. While I know that My generosity and altruism will be unappreciated by those who are lacking any of their own, I have no interest in accommodating the whims of whiners.

Value Reality Check:

1) I’m a REAL Domme. I maintain My Domain My Way on My Terms. Anyone who has anything to do with Me and My Domain are invited GUESTS.

2) I have created, and continue to create, public and private events on a grand scale for guests with refined taste, skill, and integrity — something seriously lacking in the majority of what has become The Scene today.

3) I have conducted, and continue to conduct, numerous classes and workshops in a wide variety of techniques and topics in the realm of My Expertise.

4) Along with My Ask Mss Didi* Offerings, I create various opportunities for personal evolution via Fetish Appreciation with My Domina101™ and Superior submissive™ mentoring programs, contributing to The DommeSalon™, and a plethora of other training opportunities.

5) I wrote My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress as a primer for both Dominants and submissives to improve the abysmal lack of manners that contributes to the deterioration of the elegance of The Scene. you need to read it.

I improve The Scene with My Contributions that many have benefited, and continue to benefit from.

And who are you, really?

1) you have offered nothing to or for Me and/or Mine.

2) you have not donated to any of My Charitable Works.

3) you have not attended any of My Events, though I was gracious enough to comp you and a guest since you complained about a lack of finances.

4) you are not pleasant personally nor visually. you make no effort to offer any beauty, talent, and certainly, not charm. So, you are not a consideration in the creation of any of My Events.

5) The only thing you have done in My Reality is ask Me to offer My Expertise — which I graciously gave more than once — for your “community” organization for NO compensation, collaboration, nor support of anything that I’ve done or do. you have, however, served to prove this truth:

Do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they be trampled under foot.
— Matthew 7:6, KJV

I wasn’t aware that you were on My Mailing List. So, in truth, you removing yourself from it will have the same use for Me as you have always had in My Domain — none whatsoever.

you may take solace in the fact that NONE of what I do is for or about you or anyone else who offers NOTHING, and whines about what I DO.

For further clarification on the situation, read Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,

Mss Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Rejection

Dear Mistress Didi*,

i’ve done everything to make a particular Domme accept me for service and She said no. I can’t understand why and not knowing what else to do is really bothering me. i’m going to see Her this weekend at an event and confront Her. Do You have any advice for me?

– notta quitter

Dear notta quitter,

Whenever you are rejected, remember 3 things:

1) Trust that there is something (or someone) that is right for you;

2) Look at rejection as an opportunity to learn from the experience. Ask yourself these valuable questions:

How do you feel? Angry, belittled, despondent, etc.? Negative feelings are indications of what you feel you’re lacking in yourself. All too often, We can set Ourselves up for let-downs because We are placing Our self-valuation on another person’s response to Us. In other words, you are defining your worth based on another person’s treatment (acceptance) of you.
.
Why do you feel this way? Be honest. Looking for the answers to this question will show you the covert, manipulative thoughts that are your hidden expectations. Most of the time, your reaction to rejection is based on the fact that you can’t have the fantasy you created in your head. There are no guarantees in any relationship. All things must be agreed to and worked on with integrity.
.
What qualities do you really desire to have in your life? This question is important to determine not only what and why you want to be in service (or be in any situation), but what type of person (or situation) you are willing to commit yourself to having in your life. Yes, commitment is paramount. No Quality Domme wants to put the effort into training you to Her liking for you to do a half-hearted job, even at failing. Failure ALWAYS occurs when the idea of service in your head has no relation to the reality of actually doing anything to serve. Dedication must be the fuel for your desire in order to achieve your goals. When you know the type of person or situation you want in your life, only then can you make the proper commitment and be worthy of having Her or it.
.
What can you do better next time? Never give up your search for the right Domme and, many times, you must deal with trial and error. But each experience will teach you something about yourself IF you are willing to learn instead of playing the make-wrong-game.

I have provided a most valuable and complimentary service to The Community to educate folks in Fetish Etiquette because I detest the lack of grace and manners that abominate The Scene. Download My Complimentary, How To Present yourself To A Mistress Guide (which is also an excellent tool for Dominants to use as a resource) and READ IT. I highly recommend that Dominants refer prospective subs to read it as a primer.

Now, I’ve taken the time to write the guide and I’m even offering it for FREE. I refer ALL to read it and I measure the worth of a potential submissive based on how s/he approaches Me. It is always clear whether or not a person reads My guide. It is a very useful tool for measuring a person’s dedication from the very beginning.

3) Let it go. Don’t be an annoyance; respect the rejection and move on with your life. Do not harass and definitely do not become an idiot-stalker – get a life! And be responsible for your life. The longer you hold onto things that are obviously NOT for you, the longer you will stifle the achievement of your goals. If your paths cross, be polite and say hello, and leave it at that. If you find yourself continuing to fixate on a situation that has been made clear is NOT for you, seek professional assistance because there is definitely something wrong with your way of thinking that will only cause you grief and trouble on a variety of levels. Choose to be healthy and well mentally, physically, and spiritually.

You must understand:

1) It is a Dominant’s prerogative to accept and/or reject anyone She wishes from Her (or his) Domain. She does not have to give you a reason and it is often best not to know Her reasons. Sometimes, a Domme is looking for something specific and most will outline Their requirements in Their web pages and online profiles. It is probable that your skill set, etc. does not meet what She is looking for and nothing more than that. Spending time trying to figure out why another person does whatever they do is a waste of your time. I am the type of Dominant Who definitely tells you why I reject/eject you from My Domain with the purpose of you (1) making improvements to whatever caused you to be rejected and (2) assisting you to not waste any more of either of Our time and to find the right Dominant for you. However, not every Dominant is like Me.

2) The sad truth is that the VAST majority of “submissives” are not truly submissive at all. Basic manners, paying attention to requirements to apply for service to Us, reading information about Who We Are and What We Want, and everything that should be common sense and courtesy are usually ignored because most people are only interested in their kinks and fantasies of how they want Us to serve them. See “submissive vs. substandard.” Did you follow instructions when you applied for service to Her? Or were you in a hurry? Did you even read the information She provided for you to understand what She wants and how She wants it? Or did you just lust over Her photos? We really do have better things to do than deal with time-wasting-energy-thieves, which is why We take the time to write Our requirements for all to read. As I’ve mentioned, I require all potentials to read My Etiquette Guide and I immediately know if they did or didn’t – which significantly saves Me precious time and energy.

3) Also, if you approached Her with your kinks, you can bet that you’ve turned off a Quality Domme. Unless the person is just in it for kinks herself, the Domme will want all of the fabulous fanfare and protocol that is part of the definition of Fetish as a Lifestyle. And, if She asks you to tell Her about your Fetishes – like I do – be certain to be as cordial as possible. Don’t address Her like you’re talking to one of the boys or to a sex worker – even if she is a sex worker.

When you find yourself stuck – for example, fixated on a person or situation; stuck in a rut or dead-end job – it is a sign that you are not facing fear that is controlling you. Being stuck is literally an inability and/or refusal to move forward, which only holds you back from fulfilling your desires. The feeling of being stuck is not just emotional, it is also physical and can result in symptoms like constipation, indigestion, headaches, and issues with the lower back, legs, and feet. The best way to get over a useless situation is to get on top of a useful one. Do something useful for yourself to shift your mindset from having a sense of loss to gaining perspective, experience, etc. Exercise, learn a new skill, take a class, read a book, etc. As the expression goes:

Backwards never forwards ever.

Good luck.

P.S.: April 4, 2014: Here’s a great video from Kute Blackson: Overcoming the FEAR of Rejection!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com
www.Blackthornz.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

How To Handle Lizard-Brain Thinking Attacks

December 29, 2012

The following is a Domina101™Lesson that I offered while being attacked by “gruesome” for creating a post in an online forum where they congregate en masse:

lizard (Photo credit: sodaro,k)

Consider Water. When water is in a container where there is no flow of new water or anything else, the longer it remains in a state of stagnation, it putrefies and becomes distasteful and toxic to the point of deterioration that eventually taints/destroys the container that holds it – think slime.

When water has a consistent flow, it is refreshed with nutrients, life force energy, and “goes new places” to nourish and become part of larger bodies of water in the symbiotic process of Nature.

There are 2 types of people: those who see the “glass as half-empty” and focus on repression (stagnation); seeking everywhere to find fault to be insulted; spending their lives fearing new/unfamiliar concepts and resisting possibilities – especially for change & evolution – because they believe that “they” themselves will be invalidated – usually because they have misplaced “values” that originate from and perpetuate self-loathing -> putrefaction (slime). This “fight” impulse comes from “lizard-brain thinking,” – primitive, survival mode. they have a “poverty consciousness” in mind, emotions and spirit.

Then, there are people who see the “glass as half-full” and focus on abundance and expansion; who choose to be inspired to create and share; who seek knowledge and conversation (vs. argument); who have a healthy sense of self that is not defined by acquisitions or definitions by others; and who are continually on a path of self-improvement in order to expand the Joys of Living. They have a “prosperity consciousness” in mind, emotions, spirit and body.

Water seeks its own level. There’s an expression: There is only fear or love. FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real. Lizard-brain thinking exists in a perpetual state of fear: primarily a fear of inadequacy – not being “good enough” (self-worth based on external influences) vs. accepting and permitting a constant level of personal growth via possibilities. Lizard-brain thinking fosters cowardice because it gives permission to (i) block self-reflection to avoid facing beliefs (real or imagined) in one’s inadequacies and (ii) remain in stagnation which usually leads to a vicious cycle of devolution. Lizard-brain thinking instigates that another person’s actions and intentions come from the lower-level, nefarious intentions of what lizard-brain thinking would do if ever in the same situation – which is seldom ever the case because lizard-brain thinking:

does not create, share, communicate, cooperate;

is ALWAYS reactive rather than responsive because it perceives everything as a threat;

seeks to destroy, hoard, belittle (slime) everything and everyone in order to believe in the illusion of its value in its stagnation;

operates from a belief that everyone and everything is trying to scam, steal, defraud, etc. because that is how lizard-brain thinking worships its god of money;

takes everything personally, as if all things in the world revolve around and care about its particular existence, and takes offense whether acknowledged or ignored;

dictates ignorance-based fantasies onto others’ realities rather than asking questions before jumping to conclusions;

ALWAYS seeks ONLY to support its limitations -even to picking words from a sentence and ignoring entire paragraphs to insist on “being right” from a place of ignorance and inexperience (and NEVER uses a dictionary or thesaurus to consider misunderstanding anything);

ALWAYS confuses Dominance and any expression of sense-of-self for bullying/being bullied (playing the “victim game”);

ALWAYS seeks an enemy (without exercising awareness to realize it is its own worst enemy) in order to feed on negativity. It rarely, if ever, recognizes that the amount of insults and denigration it expresses are a direct reflection of its amount of self-loathing; and

operates from a confused model of “power over” which prompts insistence that others are trying to invade/control its zone rather than learning that Self-Control (and the lack thereof) is the only real control there is.

EVERY time I share what I love, I am attacked by lizard-brain thinking. Even when I point out what is written on My Website (where ALL of the info I share is FREE) that the “paid” version of My eBook is to raise funds for My charities (and payment has been disabled for more than a year & the reason for this is also on My Website) ~ as have been the proceeds from the vast majority of events that I’ve produced ~ lizard-brain thinking seeks to play the “make-wrong game” because that’s how it is able to conjure a sense of value in its stagnant limitations.

My choice for living My Life is to believe that “My Cup runneth over” and I choose to find value from experiences. I choose Flow and make use of lizard-brain thinking attacks because:

those who are on My level of consciousness and life choices will actually read what is on the same pages of My website (and My profile) to discover what lizard-brain thinking refuses to acknowledge; and

lizard-brain thinking generates and feeds on negativity to maintain its toxic, comfort zone. Misery loves company.

So, the BEST thing that comes from EVERY lizard-brain thinking attack directed towards Me is that they serve for people I care to associate with to connect with Me, and for those I have no interest in to congregate with others in lizard-brain thinking away from My Domain. It’s a Win-Win – but lizard-brain thinking only perceives a Win if it creates a belief with all its might that someone loses. Watch what happens now…

Again, Water seeks its own level. I am seldom astonished by how many supportive, private messages I receive from people who don’t want to weather lizard-brain thinking attacks EVERY time I post to share – this time is no exception… in any way. I am not religious but, because I choose to flow in possibility and am responsible for My Own Life Choices, I find value in philosophies from a variety of sources:

Again, lizard-brain thinking chooses to perceive threats and, therefore, cannot appreciate pearls. I am not trapped in lizard-brain thinking and I have no fear of sharing My experiences with others. I KNOW that I never lose anything by sharing; that sharing is ALWAYS an opportunity to receive love. So, when I see a forum that states its purpose is for sharing and supporting the “community,” I share what I have and appreciate that others share what they have. If I don’t find value in something offered, I accept responsibility for My own thoughts and actions and do not invalidate the fact that someone else may find value from it.

It is My choice to evolve past MY negative reactions that may arise because, in reality, they serve ME to show where I have an opportunity to evolve My consciousness. I love Myself and so I brave this process! I discipline Myself to reject the entrapment of lizard-brain thinking’s cowardice. I honor Personal Responsibility.

Paraphrasing Romans 12:2 – New International Version 1984: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what … good, pleasing and perfect…”

It is an individual’s choice for how he perceives in order to be able to receive anything. One cannot receive with a closed fist or a closed mind. You know the adage, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. The bottom line is “How are YOU enjoying life?” I understand that the fact that I AM living My dream, My way , and inviting cool people to join Me is very scary to lizard-brain thinking’s choice of fear over love. Whether this choice is conscious or unconscious is evident in how you’re living in mind, body, spirit, and in love – or in its lack thereof. I am grateful that I have done and continue to do the work to be soooo much more fortunate than those who choose entrapment in lizard-brain thinking. It is scary, but the rewards are worth it.

One of the best rewards is the ever-increasing strength against “the ugly” that results from behaviors designed to mask self-loathing – which I let roll like water off of a duck’s back because I take pity on the perils of lizard-brain entrapment.

“Compassion brings peace of mind and with it better health; so cherish compassion.” Tweet by His Holiness The Dalai Lama 12/25/12

Here’s to evolution! By the way, what I’ve just shared is another FREE lesson from My Domain that I teach in workshops and via My FREE blogs. Responding to you gave Me the opportunity to present a new blog post for ALL the people on My mailing list and who follow Me via social media – which is MY purpose for MY mailing list! I sincerely thank you for being a part of this sharing! Another Win-Win! Happy & Prosperous Mind-Body-Spirit New Year!

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Ask Mss Didi*

ClassicFetish™ Lifestyle Experience

Tag Archives: howto

How To Handle Lizard-Brain Thinking Attacks

Video: Seth Godin: Quieting The Lizard Brain

How to By-Pass Your Reptilian Brain and Restore Your Creative Power

Note: I choose to publish this entry to assist confused individuals who misunderstand the definition of Dominance and how it IS in real-life.

I’m in the be-served business; NOT the service industry.

Value Reality Check:

And who are you, really?

you may take solace in the fact that NONE of what I do is for or about you or anyone else who offers NOTHING, and whines about what I DO.

Related articles:

Related articles:

Related articles

Video: Seth Godin: Quieting The Lizard Brain

How to By-Pass Your Reptilian Brain and Restore Your Creative Power