How To Handle Disruptors

June 18, 2012

Dear Mistress Didi*,

You offered to share damage control and safety tips for my future events.  I am very honored and in need of them for sure!  Lady C

Dear Lady C,

Buckle up, Babe, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

I do the research; I’ve read many of Your posts and Your intelligence is evident and why I’m going to save Us both time and give it to You straight, both barrels. 

I am aware that My delivery often seems caustic to the thin-skinned whose lack of self-esteem makes them whine and choose to find offense at any and everything, because that’s how they define themselves and how they feel “alive.”  Because I don’t know You, I own My responsibility for taking the liberty to be straight while welcoming the fact that I don’t have to “soften” things for You because You ARE intelligent and ARE maintaining Your domain.  Because You don’t know Me, please do not take offense at anything I present because My intention is not to offend You; it is merely to tell it like it is from My perspective based on My experience.

I offered to share My Knowledge with You as a courtesy – not because You have been inviting to or supportive of Me, but because I choose to view Your position as cautious (which I respect) because I’m aware of Your “associations” (the vast majority of whom I choose not to associate with due to their REAL actions and behaviors towards Me).  I choose to honor My Commitment to BetterFetish™ and improving Our Scene by Putting The ADULT Back Into Adult Entertainment.  I also offered to share because I want to see another Domina who offers quality succeed.  I’ve heard lovely things about Your events and look forward to being able to attend one in the near future.

What I’m sharing with You is (1) what I’ve written publicly and (2) what I teach in Domina101™.  The problem is that most people listen to ugliness from uglies and choose to believe it rather than ever investigate for themselves.  (Read Consider The Source) So, I’m the bitch – rather than the BITCH = Being In Total Control of Herself that I AM – because they can’t have what they want from Me/in My Domain.  PREPARE for this to be Your reality IF You choose to maintain Your integrity – which I totally expect You to do because You are evidently too much of a Person not to.

You’re now at a point where You’re going to have to make a decision: do You want to be “liked” by the “community” or to be respected by those who matter to You?

No matter what, the outcome is ALWAYS going to be either You maintain Your self-respect or You get screwed over by the rat-bastards (for example, attempts to steal from You by trying to charge You more to rent space at the club – behavior I predicted).

Sad Fact #1: No, We are NOT all equal.  People show You how they want to be treated – the problem is most folks are walking around with ego-blinders on and don’t even pay attention to what You tell them.  I pay attention and permit them to be of service to Me in this way when they make it necessary for Me to handle them.

Since no matter what You do, one way or another You’re going to be a bitch to some whiney trash, My advice is to OWN it, promote it, and make the offenders accountable and useful.  My latest example: How To STOP a Stalker.

1)    Put Your response to the disruptor in writing, post it, and promote it everywhere.

2)    Expect nay-sayers to take the opportunity to pretend they’re topping You with attacks on YOUR DOMAIN and make them useful.

a)    Do NOT permit Yourself to feel the need to be defensive; stay on the offensive and use their own tactics against them.  (See Domina101™ Workshops)

i)      Set the offenders up for Your use and TELL them how they serve You.

ii)     Always take the opportunity in Your responses to allow those who don’t know You to learn where to find what You want them to know about You.

iii)    Clearly state that the offenders have served Your purpose and ignore them from that point forward.  After all, they should tribute for Your time and attention.

iv)   Be sure to keep copies for Your records and use them for Your purposes in the future.

3)    Definitely:

a)    Post Your own RULES of Conduct for Your events online with warnings of what WILL happen to offenders.

b)    Repeat these Rules when acknowledging RSVPs.

c)    Have copies of Your Rules posted where guests sign-in, throughout the venue and in the bathrooms.

This will offer some legal protection, should You need it in the future, as ALL guests were informed of procedures before attending and during Your events.

4)    BE PREPARED for morons to come out of the woodwork to chime in. USE THEM to support Your purpose.  I ALWAYS tell them they serve Me with “control of undesirables” because anyone who aligns with them is unworthy of being near Me and Mine.

5)    Have “scary security” at Your events.  You need 2 or more and have them rotate working inside and at the door to be able to observe guests’ behaviors as the event progresses.  This permits early warnings and idiot-outbreak prevention.

6)    EVERY half-hour, personally do a “party sweep” to ensure that things are safe, sane, consensual, and sanitary.  This also gives You the opportunity to observe the progression of behaviors.

7)    Since “subreg…” made it necessary for Me to eject him from My SWIRL 8/18/11 Soiree, I:

a)    Continue to USE him to support My Purposes: see You Won’t Like My Events If…

b)    Now, I warn all guests in the response to their RSVPs and in ALL posts which advertise My Events that not only will I eject them from My Events upon the first sign of unacceptable behavior, but I WILL out them publicly.  I stand by My Motto: Don’t start none, won’t be none; I finish it.

I have taken a lot of crap for being a True Dominant and maintaining control in My Domain for the safety of My Guests.  I intensely dislike the vast majority of creeps calling themselves Fetishist when they are poor excuses for kinksters, bullies, and hookers calling themselves Dommes.  The quality of the people who support Me and attend My Events is unsurpassed and the reason I chose to design Fetish Events in the first place.

Yes, this makes Me elitist and I’m proud to be The Best and choose to associate with The Best.

With this attitude, a whole lot of h8ters attempt to throw stones at My Domain.  Their pathetic attempts barely make a dink in My Foundation because they come from a space of self-loathing and are too lazy to improve their conditions, knowing that they are unworthy of love, which perpetuates their lack of self-love.  I remind them of this with every opportunity because (1) aligning with the Greater Good, I give them the opportunity to improve (that’s for My Karma) and (2) (aligning with My Nature) I’m a Sadist and enjoy slapping down those who dare to disrupt The Beauty That I Give and Represent with their obvious inferiority.

Yes, that makes Me a BITCH and BITCHES rule the world.

FYI, years ago I suggested that promoters share info about creeps who disrupt events and I was shot down by just about everyone on the “panel” and considered in league with Satan for even thinking to protect Us rather than permit everyone to have “their experience of fetish” at Our expense.  These recent developments where now everyone wants to suddenly share info are due to the extremely dangerous and illegal practices that I predicted, and which continue to be permitted to run amok by people remaining silent.  I’m glad to see that You are taking a stand for the improvement of Our Scene.  Cheers to You!

The truth is that, as I experience it, Dommes dropped the ball and let the idiot males take over.  Any “hoochie-with-a –whip” (“Domme vs. “dumme) runs around calling herself a “Mistress.”  (This offends Me.  I spent quite a bit of time educating Myself  to be worthy of the Title, “Mistress,” contributing to the Art and respect deserving of Fetish, which is something that those who should be working at a fast-food restaurant instead of whoring have no clue of.)  It is Our responsibility to make a clear separation between “them” (which includes the promoters who support trolls and troglodytes at events) and Us.  It is Our responsibility to educate the ignorant and punish them by banishment when they do not comply/improve.  I truly believe that this is the only way We will bring Fetish back to what makes Our Lifestyles glorious.  I am committed to doing this – even if I have to change My name to “Mistress Gibraltar” to prove the strength and fortitude of My Commitment to BetterFetish™.

Please feel free to refer people to the links on My Websites; perhaps, My “scary” reputation can be supportive of Your goals. In particular, please direct them to How To Properly Present Yourself To A Mistress, My complimentary, etiquette primer for Dominants and submissives.  The more people who receive etiquette training (that was failed to be provided at home), the better for Us all and all the way around.

Go get ‘em!  And please permit Me the privilege of enjoying Your handling of situations by sending Me links!

Looking forward to attending one of Your events very soon.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*


If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom



Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

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