The Toe-In-The-Water Retreat

March 12, 2012

Q: Dear Mistress Didi*,

I really enjoyed Your lecture!  You told me to contact You for detailed notes, so would You please be so kind to send me the lesson about cowards who want to waste Our time pretending that they want to serve Us? 

Thank You, Lady WAM

Dear Lady WAM,

Here is the article I wrote that accompanies the lecture.  I chose to offer as much as I did to this guy to use him for demonstration purposes and and to write this article.

The Toe-In-The-Water Retreat
© July 25, 2010

Tedious is not a strong enough word to describe the cowardice that is fostered by mothers and tolerated by people – females, in particular – in today’s society. This is a time-wasting trait that Dommes can curb by recognizing it and curbing future behaviors by addressing the situation when it is presented to You.

Below is a typical example of a “wanna-sub’s” selfish foray into attempting to waste My time. What he did not realize is that everything I wrote was copied and pasted from a script I have ready to deal with these creatures and which I’ve used numerous times.

I am committed to The Greater Good. My intention is ALWAYS to educate. I present the opportunity for one to clearly see his/her less-than-intelligent behavior, which prevents him from having a greater experience of his Fetishism and his existence, in general.  Whether these creatures bother to take the opportunities to evolve that I present to them or not is a measure of their character.  My Karma is tat I have given gifts to The Whole by providing such opportunities for personal and Fetish evolution.

Here is how the “Toe In The Water & Retreat” tactic goes:

1.  The wanna-sub presents himself adequately – meaning with enough respect and manners that You consider that he may have value.

2.  After You reply with requirements for him to take the next step, he either:

  • does not respond, or
  • comes up with some lame excuse disguised as concern for Your time, etc.

Both of these behaviors are examples of COWARDICE.

Below is the latest example to prove this archetype.  I only bothered to communicate as much as I did to permit the substandard to fully demonstrate the Toe-In-The-Water & Retreat tactic to My current Domina101 Class.

Hello Mistress Didi,

I am writing this email in hopes of potentially being able to experience a play session with you. As a big fan of your work and intelligence, I would truly appreciate the opportunity to just be in your presence let alone serve you. I am reaching out to you because it would be a honor to experience my first foray into bdsm/fetish with a dynamic, mature, knowledgable, and graceful individual such as yourself.

I am intrigued by trampling, foot worship, corporal punishment, furniture service, pantyhose fetish, slapping, and spitting. My main interest is just getting the opportunity to serve a dominant woman. I am 24 years old and believe I am a masochist. I believe the opportunity to serve you would have a therapeutic effect and allow me to come out of my shell. I read you allow  special tributes to those with fit bodies so I have enclosed pics of my body. I take physical fitness seriously and lift weights 5 days a week. —
Sent from my mobile device

from*Mss Didi*
toyturuyt yutytutr

person who did not provide a name:

Because – and ONLY because your email to Me was so very polite, I am making an exception to consider you.  I completely appreciate manners.

Here are My requirements for service.

* Understand that I am not a pay-to-Play practitioner so time with Me truly is an honor and you must be exceptional to be worthy of it.  your approach to Me has demonstrated promise.

Be certain to follow instructions carefully.  Also,  READ THIS.

I look forward to Our next communication.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

How embarrassing. I apologize Mistress Didi my name is Robert and thank You for Your kind words. I was just so focused on writing the perfect email it flew over my head. The fact that You have stated that I show promise means a lot to me.  Whether it be as a submissive, attendant, or patron, just the opportunity to be in Your domain and presence would be a honor. I feel like I would be a good fit for You because I am obedient, eager to please, submissive, in good health, and a genuine urge to serve a goddess like Yourself.

As for me, I am currently attending college and majoring in History. I work out 5 times a week and follow a pretty strict diet. My regimen has taught me discipline but I still seek to serve and experience serving a dynamic individual such as Yourself. My cellphone number is 1-718-2xx-xxx9. I apologize once again Mistress Didi. Speaking to You is like speaking to royalty.


from*Mss Didi*
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I give you another chance to properly follow My photo instructions.  Read it again and comply:

SEND your Introduction Email with your  photo(s)1 headshot and 1 full-body shot …

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

I apologize Mistress Didi.

(headshot attached)

from*Mss Didi*
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See? Now, how could you have denied Me such a vision of beauty?

What is your availability for the week?

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

Thank you Mistress Didi. That’s a compliment especially coming from you. Sorry for the delayed response having issues with my phone. I work Monday through Thursday but am available before 4 on those days. I’m free saturday and sunday.

from*Mss Didi*
toyturuyt yutytutr


I would like you to meet Me for lunch on either Saturday or Sunday for an interview.

The purpose of the interview is to see if Our vibes synch.  Know that interviews are useful to weed out the fakers for both the Domme and the prospective submissive.

Because you mentioned that you are in school, I will modify My requirements for your interview to lunch at a moderately-priced-but-good restaurant and a tribute of a bottle of Champagne Veuve Cliquot.

Since I am giving a workshop demo for TES on Wednesday, the best time for Me to speak with you will be on Thursday early afternoon.  Since I don’t function before Noon, I will attempt to call you between Noon & 1pm.  If you do not hear from Me by 1pm, call Me: xxx xxx xxxx.

Have a delightful evening and I look forward to your interview.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

NOTE:  I always say that I may call them, but give instructions for them to call Me.  There was no response from robert for 2 days.  Usually, non-responsiveness indicates embarrassment for a lack of funds or an “attack of cheapness”.  Either way, the substandard recognizes he lacks what You required.  Now, if he had bothered to read what I took the time to write on My Website, he would have seen that I make allowances for those who have financial challenges, but who have other fine qualities to offer.  Notice how polite and generous I am.
from*Mss Didi*
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subject: P.S.: Don’t be embarrassed

I forgot to mention that if you are unable to financially afford My norms, do not feel embarrassed.  Times are hard for just about everyone and I am not a cruel Mistress.

It is your job to determine what else you have to offer and, if you prove worthy with a good heart, I will enjoy your company.

Reply to My question regarding whether you have a car and include what you think you have to offer of value in your email.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

Unfortunately, no I don’t have a car at this time. Currently I’m focusing on saving money due to the fact I’m planning on attending grad school and I’m trying to minimize the brunt of the loans I am going to have to take out while also paying my rent and other bills and the fact that I am also currently trying to become a certified personal trainer.

The other service I could offer You is my sincere desire to be of service to You. Whether it be running errands or doing chores for You. To be honest though, I rather wait till I am financially able to treat You like the Goddess You are. Although I’ve never met you, from Your newsletter to Your last two emails I know serving You would be an amazing experience thus I feel its only fair that I don’t get to experience that untill I am able to serve you the way You deserve to be served.

Sorry I didn’t respond. You were right I was embarrassed. Its like going to school without the hw that’s due.

Many thanks though for your understanding Mistress Didi.

from*Mss Didi*
toyturuyt yutytutr


First lesson: ALWAYS respond when a Mistress communicates with you.  The “silent” thing – for whatever reason – will ALWAYS get you punished by any and every type of situation-of-life a Woman exists in.  Remember this.  It’s better to be honest – ALWAYS.

If someone rejects your offer of service due to a lack of finances, that person is NOT for you in the capacity of what you are willing to offer.

Pay close attention to the specific words that I used in the preceding paragraph.

I much prefer that you care for your future intelligently than to jeopardize it for momentary pleasure.  However, don’t deny yourself opportunities for education outside of the realm of “paper education.”

I have numerous projects where you may be able to serve Me, however, it must be determined IF you can ACTUALLY serve Me.  What one is truly capable of and what one thinks he is capable of is the reality of every situation.

I do require the bottle of Champagne Veuve Cliquot as a minimal tribute.  As for your interview, We can enjoy an exhibit or two at The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

If I recall correctly, you are available to speak before 4pm.  What is the latest time that is comfortable to you for Me to call tonight?  earliest time to call Friday morning?  (Ha! I don’t function before Noon, so I just asked in case something out of the ordinary occurs.)

I have a busy day and will check email later this afternoon.

Enjoy your day.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

NOTE:  NEVER allow a potential submissive to arrive for an interview without a minimal tribute.  Once You allow “slacking,” You will ALWAYS have “attempts to slack” which will be an annoyance.  The serious submissive will do whatever is necessary to please You within the best of her/his abilities.

Now that the opportunity for robert to actually show up real-time has been presented, his cowardice kicks in and here is the Retreat.

The typical steps of the Retreat are:

  1. to dare to make decisions for The Domme with whiney statements such as “It’s not fair to You…” and other statements to make determinations about what’s best for YOU and what YOU want; and
  2. the “it’s not You, it’s me” routine, which is stupidly, self-explanatory.

And in the case of robert, while acknowledging that he is a novice with no experience, he dares to tell ME what he “thinks” is best – and look at how ridiculous his ideas are:

Mistress Didi thank You for Your compassion and understanding. I really believe it would be unfair to You to have to deal with a novice. It would be selfish of me to serve You when everything is put into consideration. 1) My entire school/financial situation and not being able to accomodate Your norms especially after you have been nothing but gracious to me. 2) My age and inexeperience , well non existent experience, when it comes to serving a mistress. It would probably be best if I explore fetish and kink with a professional so I am able to distinguish whether my urge to serve is just to fulfill my kinks or if I truly want to serve.

   You truly are a Goddess though and I would love to explore this with You but it would be unfair to You since You are to beautiful to have your time wasted. If You would be willing to, I would be ecstatic and if not I would understand. If you are willing, feel free to call me or I’ll call you whenever you wish.


NOTE:  It now could appear that robert is “giving” Me the choice to continue considering him.  Don’t be fooled; pay attention.  I gave him specific instructions and he chose to tryto appear concerned for My well-being to cover his decision to want something for nothing with his Retreat.If he was concerned about service to Me (and not from Me) at all, he would have read My website BEFORE contacting Me and most definitely have read the links that I provided to him.  So, he got a dismissal with TRUTH.  This is his opportunity to evolve – I have no concern for whether he does or not beyond how he and others like him affect the future of The Scene that I enjoy.

from*Mss Didi*
toyturuyt yutytutr

you obviously did NOT ready My FREE ebook that tells you how to communicate with a Mistress.  Nor did you bother to read anything on My website about service to Me.

I detest laziness.  you are not that cute.  And looks fade.

What you have done is predictably offend Me by punking out with “it’s not fair to You” crap – which is attempting to make a decision for Me – as if you could.

The reality is that you are experiencing fear = False Experiences Appearing Real – and cheapness at a $40 bottle of champagne.  How do you think you could possibly afford a professional?  And what type of hoochie-with-a-whip do you think you’re going to get damaged by?

Worst is that while you admit your lack of experience, you dare to TELL ME what’s “best” for ME.

This is the crap that mothers abominate society with by allowing their spawn to get away with cowardice and irresponsibility.

Download My ebook

and learn what not to do next time.

you could have been amusing instead of just boringly typical.  At least, I will still make you useful as an example for My Workshops.

Good luck.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

This type of substandard (and unfortunately, this generation of 20- and 30-somethings) often has the expectation that You will accommodate him because that is what he is used to from his mother.  In robert’s case, he is a hot-bodied-20-something from a culture that coos over males who look the way he does.  I am not impressed and have no children by choice.

It is the submissive’s job to attend to The Domme, not the other way around.  (FYI: All of the submissives who have enjoyed the honor of service to Me have earned the love, compassion, and care that I have given to them.)


If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.  As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking.  In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events.  She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

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