July 31, 2016

This is another entry for submissives AND Dominants to utilize for BetterFetish in your life. I cannot stress enough how important it is to take the time to carefully read and follow  instructions to avoid ruining great opportunities for yourself and others.

With all of the resources and tips that I generously give, there are always folks who (1) are their own, worst enemies; and (2) choose to be insulted because they failed to PAY ATTENTION AND FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.

Most folks are busy people who are juggling the important things in life to have time for Fetish Enjoyments. One of the worst things a potential submissive can do is to waste Our time.  A Smart Domme will prepare written materials to:

• prevent repeating Herself unnecessarily;
• ensure that Her Rules and Requirements can be understood; and
• provide an easy resource for those who are seeking to serve.

Smart Dommes know that how a submissive complies with written instructions will demonstrate how s/he will show up in Your Domain.

A smart and worthy submissive will pay attention and follow instructions carefully. Really smart submissives read and re-read instructions before making further connections with the Domme.

The person who inspired this Ask Mss Didi* post:

1. Has been on My Mailing List for years, so he is familiar with how I do things;
2. Has attended one of My Events, so he has had first-hand experience with how I do things; and
3. Is a perfect demonstration of a desperate substandard — which is NOT attractive or desirable — it is a form of psychic/emotional vampirism.

Now, I usually-always give people a second chance, but I do have a 3-strikes-you’re-out Rule. This guy demonstrates that his ONLY concern is what he wants and he’s not even aware enough to realize that he was given a second chance and is looking to be coddled and catered to.  Had he bothered to follow instructions, he would have seen that I’m in the be-served business, not the service industry.

In My previous post, How-To Tips for submissives: First Contact  (links to which are all over My websites and in My emails that this person responded to), I emphasize:

4)     Whatever you do, don’t approach Us with desperation! Do not beg! We will tell you when We want you to beg. Desperation is a warning sign of emotional immaturity, of whiners, energy vampires, incompetence, and selfish kinksters. While that may be a desire for some Dominants, I don’t know any of those types – and don’t want to know them because their attraction to people with “baggage” will bring drama-not-on-Broadway with them wherever they go. Neediness is NOT attractive and is a setup for disaster.

Here is the exchange that demonstrates that this person is lazy, inconsiderate, a faker-taker who will offer nothing of value to be worthy of My Domain.

Mistress Didi:

Is there any chance that a competent male might help with the move, in the hope of catching the eye of a domme who deems that male useful?
You have been most hospitable to this one in the past. Seeking a new FLR, not just play.

submissively
jun

My reply:

How lovely to offer and thank you, but the move is out of the country and I have trained staff.

I will be in NYC for the month of August (so far) and perhaps discussions about FLR may ensue. Do contact Me after 7/25 and read My Requirements.

Have a lovely day!

Note: My Requirements have a form to be submitted for consideration to serve Me — something I encourage Dominas to do to weed out the wankers. jun did NOT submit the required form and is only focused on his agenda.

Mistress Didi:

As You instructed, contacting You (nearly) after 7/25.  Read Your requirements, fully compliant.

Await Your pleasure pertaining to FLR.

submissively

jun

My 2nd Chance reply:

Clearly, you need to read My instructions again and pay attention this time.

his reply

Mistress Didi:

Apologies if i overstepped.  Did read and understand Your instructions.
Presumed, incorrectly, that You recalled me from past visits.
Once waited several hours at Your event for a Mistress who never arrived.  Served at another event.
Were we not thus previously acquainted, would never have dared to offer the services that began this thread, below.
How might one start over, at Your pleasure?

submissively
jun

Note: I have no recollection of this guy serving at any of My Events, which means that either he was not worth remembering or that he’s one of those people (there are many) who made up a story about serving Me and actually believes his lie!

Also note: jun’s apology has NOTHING to do with My response to follow instructions and he continues to make his request!

My 3rd Strike Reply:

There are always 3 things I consider when someone requests to serve Me:

1) how well they follow My instructions – which are the same for everyone and those who are worthy of My time and attentions follow them properly. I intensely dislike repeating Myself which is why I have what needs to be known written on My websites;

2) if they have bothered to read any of the gracious gifts I offer so that selfish-time-wasters don’t annoy Me; and

3) if someone has ever met Me in person and/or attended any of My events, how considerate to My ventures they have/have not been.

No, you did not properly pay attention, even after I gave you a chance to review My instructions, or you would have followed them.

I respectfully took the time to not only review My correspondence history with you, but also the instructions on My webpages and ensured that the links work.  Obviously, you did not take the time to follow My instructions – as those who are serving Me did and do.

you attended ONE of My events to meet a person who stood you up and I have not received anything from you since – not a hello or Happy Birthday email and definitely not a donation to My Charities. All you have offered is a desperate plea to “serve” – which in your case, means to serve yourself.

Had you paid attention to the links at the bottom of My email or the sidebar of My websites, you would have seen My recent Ask Mss Didi* post for submissives that addresses desperation and other faux pas that you continue to make.

If you don’t bother to invest the proper time in the preliminary steps to have what you want, you will not take the time to be of useful and proper service.  And you show that you do not invest even the minimal amount of time to appreciate Me and My Domain, which would make you a liability and annoyance.

And I have no use for someone who must be led-by-the-nose to even begin a connection with Me.

Good luck.

Now, jun can choose to be offended or he can learn from this experience. My Karma is positive as I have outlined his transgressions for review. On top of being efficient and gracious by making My Requirements easily available, I have gifted him with the chance to make improvements. What he chooses to do is his Karma.

I encourage submissives to take a look at your presentation because it shows your intentions whether you are aware of this or not. There are many people who don’t pay attention and just get excited that someone wants to serve them, but the Quality Fetishists pay close attention! When you are clear on your motivations, you can better refine your search for Dominas Who match your desires.

Domina101 Lesson

One of My Domina101  Collective Participants did what females who coddle their annoying male relatives do: she rushed to defend jun by saying that, perhaps, he didn’t understand My instructions or, perhaps, he didn’t have time to “read all that!” I relayed that if he did not have time to make a good start, he would definitely make a poor finish! And since I am not a desperate Domme, I do not bother to waste time on people who, for whatever their reasons, don’t give Me the time to properly begin a relationship with Me and What Is Mine. I have what he wants, not the other way around, and the submissive must be worthy of the attention he craves.

Her focus was on accommodating this stranger, which is something that people confuse with “being considerate of others’ needs.” As the Domme, Your needs are the primary consideration and Your attentions should be given to the useful and worthy. This conversation gave her the opportunity to see a reason that the subs who have shown up in her life did not fulfill her requirements and were not attentive to her desires. Making excuses for failures is a certain path to discontent.

I strongly recommend that you appreciate the many other Gifts I offer on My Ask Mss Didi* site to improve your chances for creating the D/s relationship of your dreams and avoid nightmares.  Pay particular attention to the following:

My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide

Domme vs. “dumme”

submissive vs. substandard

The Importance of Rituals and Protocols

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

• The Difference Between Fetish & Kink
• Fakers, Shakers, Takers, Noise-Makers
• submissive vs. substandard
• 10 Domina101 Tips

February 26, 2016

This entry is for submissives AND Dominants to utilize for BetterFetish in your life.

The following are tips for the serious submissive to make successful connections with Dominants by making a good impression to be taken seriously.   Since there are so many wanna-subs and kinksters polluting the Fetish Scene, it is difficult for the truly submissive (especially those who are new to the Scene) with a sincere desire to serve to be seen and heard. If you are not aware of what entices Dominants to notice you with interest, you will be discarded before you even have a chance to connect.

I strongly recommend that you appreciate the other Gifts I also offer on My Ask Mss Didi* site to improve your chances for finding the Dominant of your dreams and being a quality submissive.  Pay particular attention to the following:

My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide

submissive vs. substandard

The Importance of Rituals and Protocols

Presentation is everything. First impressions are lasting.

Contacting a Dominant can be very scary! I feel for you, I really do! However, it must be done if you are ever going to fulfill your destiny. Now, you have the choice to contact Us intelligently or repeat the stupid mistakes that make Us all wonder if We’re ever going to find what We’re looking for.

Understand that there are a lot of folks who are either confused or want to believe that the definition of a submissive is a sexual bottom and end their experiences there. These creatures annoy Quality Dominants by contacting Us with what they want and without any class, charm, or respect whatsoever. Approach Us correctly and We will want to know you!

Contacting Us

1)     READ AND PAY ATTENTION to Our information (websites, profiles, etc.), especially Our requirements for service. Don’t just get excited by Our photos. We have taken the time and care to clearly present Our requirements in writing so that there are no misunderstandings about what We want and do not want, etc. Be realistic to yourself about whether you fit what We’re interested in BEFORE contacting Us with your desire to serve.

2)     ALWAYS address a person (Dominant, submissive, whatever) with a polite salutation and by their name AND title. For example, “Hello, Mistress Didi,” is acceptable and shows that (1) you have manners and were not raised by complete barbarians; (2) you offer respect for how a person chooses to express Her/himself in The Scene; and (3) you gain Our intention by addressing Us directly. “Hey,” or to just begin your contact with a copy and pasted, impersonal writing is unacceptable because (1) you show that you are only interested in what you want; (2) you don’t care who accommodates you as long as you can get someone to; and (3) shows a lack of manners, social grace, and basic consideration for the person you’re addressing. IF I bother to respond at all to such an intrusion into My special, crafted, and cultivated Domain, I reply with only this link: How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

3)     Attractively state what you offer before mentioning what you’re looking for. There are far too many selfish twits who believe that “submissive” is code for lay-down-and-get-done. They always and only talk about what they want – and that’s all they talk about. These substandards must think that (a) they’re so special (because their mommies told them so) that the world is going to do back-flips in excitement to cater to them and/or (b) that We’re desperate (there are a lot of desperate “dominants,” but they are not in the mindset of Quality Dominance that I am referring to). Dominants are interested in what you offer to improve and/or compliment Our Domains. Some do’s and don’ts are:

• Do NOT write graphically explicit details about what you’re into, willing to do, fantasizing about, etc. Such personal details should be reserved for an already-established relationship and upon request.

• Do NOT send non-requested, naked photos – and especially photos of your genitals. I guarantee that how sexy you think your body parts are will not be appreciated by most Dominants who are interested in a true D/s relationship dynamic and not just kink. In fact, it’s rude to “flash” people! We will tell you if and when We want to see you naked.

• Do list your talents, skills, and what you’re comfortably able to provide to Us. BE USEFUL. No one wants dead weight hanging around, taking up space. And NO, your idea of your sexual prowess is not considered a talent or skill.

• Keep it short and to the point. I know that some of you are saying, “Really, Mistress Didi? That from You of all people?” It is true that I often choose to be loquacious, but as I teach in Domina101, My time is valuable. I carefully and clearly make My Requirements available so that everyone can handle their own business and not waste My or their time. Making people read quickly weeds out the lazy and other wannasubs who are not what I want in My Domain. Most of Us are busy people and you are not the only person requesting to serve Us.

• Use full sentences and proper phrasing – and definitely do NOT use texting abbreviations. Here’s one of the gems I teach in My Superior submissive Workshop: Always phrase your sentences as requests and be careful not to sound as if you are making demands. Dominants really dislike being told what to do. For example, “Call me,” or any type of command is NOT for you to say to Us; it’ for Us to say to you.

• Say please, thank you, and may I. Aside from being polite and having manners, you are speaking from your proper place and into how We can be most receptive to you.

• Be honest about your situation(s). For example, if you’re a starving artist and someone decides to give you a chance, truthfully relay what is comfortable for you in terms of time and finances.

I know, the alarms just went off in your head: I said, “finances.” PAY ATTENTION:

• Anything that is worthwhile will cost you time and/or money. While there are a lot of Dominants who don’t like to use the word, “tribute” because most people don’t know what a tribute is and are too lazy to look it up along with its historical connotations, even those Dominants want an investment from you in appreciation for Their time and attention – which IS what you want from Us.

4)     Whatever you do, don’t approach Us with desperation! Do not beg! We will tell you when We want you to beg. Desperation is a warning sign of emotional immaturity, of whiners, energy vampires, incompetence, and selfish kinksters. While that may be a desire for some Dominants, I don’t know any of those types – and don’t want to know them because their attraction to people with “baggage” will bring drama-not-on-Broadway with them wherever they go. Neediness is NOT attractive and is a setup for disaster.

5)     Don’t ask questions that you can look up to handle your own business. In the time it takes you to ask Us something like, “What’s shibari?” you can Google it. Do that. Otherwise, you’re showing Us that you’re lazy. Use the internet for more than just looking up porn!

6)     Be pleasant and sincere. Tell the truth. I never understand why people lie; the truth will inevitably be revealed sooner than later. If you’re in a relationship, DEFINITELY say so. Smart Dominants know that “my partner doesn’t understand me” crap is exactly that: crap.  It’s also code for a lot of things to look out for that I disclose in My Webcam Workshops.

7)     The stupidest thing you can do is supply a photograph that is not current. Not everyone is going to be polite when you’ve sent a photo of someone who’s fit and coiffed and you show up flabby, frumpy, and 20 years older – I most certainly am not!  If We’ve taken an interest in you, We want the real you from the start! I will never understand how people think that the bait-and-switch is going to work. We do NOT like being lied to and set up for disappointment. Starting out with a gigantic LIE is completely disrespectful to Us and is a wasteful form of masochism because you cut yourself off from authentic experiences by being disingenuous. Such idiocy robs Us both of the thrilling dynamics of Sadism and masochism and irritates Dominants. It is not smart to irritate Dominants… And definitely foolish to irritate Sadists…

Of course, I have MANY more tips, tools, and gems for your comfort and ease in making an excellent first impression. The easiest way to learn them is to treat yourself to My Webcam Workshops, the proceeds of which assist in My Charity fundraising! The other option is to read through all of the many, many Gifts I offer for FREE on My Ask Mss Didi* site and work it all out for yourself. Aren’t you lucky that I am such a Giving Goddess!

Whatever option you choose, get started NOW. No one is guaranteed your next breath…

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

• The Difference Between Fetish & Kink
• How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks
• submissive vs. substandard

February 18, 2015

I continue to receive an inundation of requests for help on topics that are covered in the Basics of what I teach in My Domina101 Workshops, which I conduct to raise funds for My Charities. While I understand that We’re busy people, I remind you to read what I’ve already provided in My Ask Mss Didi* blog before contacting Me. I took the time to write it and I generously share it with you for FREE.

The reason I offer My Wisdom From Experience for FREE is because:

1)    I am disgusted by the state of The Scene and its continued decline in quality, civility, integrity, beauty, and intelligence – which is the same reason I produce My own events for lack of any I’d care to attend;

2)    Money is NOT My Goddess and I believe in The Laws of Karma and Attraction: what you put out comes back to you multiplied; and

3)    I know that The Universe will always test your commitment to your Greatness, so I share how I deal with lizard-brain thinking and creeps of all kinds to assist the worthy in maintaining the positive energy to withstand the barbarian assaults.

The tips that I present below are the simple concepts that are further explained and explored in My Domina101 Workshops.

10 Domina101 Workshop Tips

1)    Clarify. Download and/or read My Domina101 Workshop Prep Guide to identify, define, and refine your past-present-future choices and desires for Your Domain Your Way. You do this not only for Your clarification, but also to gain the maximum value of what I share.

2)    Reality Check. Understand that the vast majority of the folks on these anything but “social” sites are self-loathing, losers whose sole purpose is to play the make-wrong game. The vast majority of those are fakers-shakers-takers-noise-makers who are there to waste Your time by manipulating “free sessions” – in most cases, their primary desire is to abuse You. These creeple believe that they gain some sick sense of value by attempting to steal your energy. This is why a tribute is always required. See Being Superior: My “How To” Process and Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want

3)    A tribute is a commitment to honor Your time and energies and it weeds out the worthless. The commitment is to and for You from Yourself as well as from the submissive. Just because the hoochies-with-whips have creeple insisting that a tribute is financial, does not make it so. It is for You to decide what and how a tribute should be given. My motto is: From each according to her/his ability, to each according to My desires. Depending upon the relationship and the worthiness the submissive has demonstrated in real-time, I have allowed submissives to bring a tribute as simple and inexpensive as 1 flower to add to My floral arrangement. Under no circumstances do I permit access to My Domain without tribute. Period.

4)    Make creeple useful. No matter what You do, the self-loathing will jump to attack You. Without engaging them, use them for Your purposes and amusements. See Make Rudeness Serve You, Flip-Flopping Attempts to Top, and The Last Word

5)    Purpose. Determine the purpose of the submissive and only reward her/him for proper service. Make sure that Your “punishment” is not playing into their fetishes, which only yields You being taken advantage of. See Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?

6)    Friends and Associations. Sadly, We live in a world where You are judged and mistreated for (and often by) those You associate with. Choose Your associates with the same discernment (maybe more) that You use to choose Your subs. See Fabulous & Guilty By Association

7)    Gossip Control. Have more than You show, say less than You know, and only tell them what You want them specifically to know. See How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

8)    Educate Yourself. Learn how to receive so that You are not Your own worst enemy. Invest in fetish education, first-aid training, and stay up-to-date with the legalities of Your location. See Fetish Safety & 50 Shades of Foolishness

9)    BE SAFE. See Safety Tips For Dommes

10)  Self-Control is the ONLY real control there is. You are responsible for Your Domain and who has access to and influence in it. See The True Discipline, Check In & Center of Attention and Chill Out Training Technique: The Tapping Solution

To participate in the next Domina101 Webcam Workshop and help Me raise funds for My Charities,

 Click Here

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

• Safety Tips for Dommes
• How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks
• Domme vs. “dumme”
• submissive vs. substandard