October 24, 2017
Dear Mistress Didi*,
I find myself focusing on my past breakup and having nothing but regrets. In Your workshop, You mentioned getting stuck in “coulda-woulda-shoulda” and I can’t seem to move on. Can You please help me?
Aren’t you in luck – I just wrote the perfect response to your query for someone else!
READY? Let’s go!
STOP thinking of your experiences as regrets and see them as lessons:
♦ There is always something of value to be learned to support you in what you really want.
♦ No one is born knowing everything (no matter how many folks want to believe they are) and the entire purpose of The Gift of Life is to have experiences and learn from them to BE the best person you can be.
♦ Perspective is the key to happiness. Know the adage of seeing the glass as half-empty or half-full? How you choose to see your world creates your reality. So, I recommend being kind to yourself and choosing the most supportive and FUN ways to deal with every experience you have.
♦ Practice FORGIVENESS and begin with forgiving yourself. One of the main reasons one has regrets is because you are playing the make-wrong-game of thinking that you shoulda-woulda-coulda known better.
◊ How can you know better if you have not had the experience and learned from it?
◊ NOTE: Those i-told-you-so people can ONLY offer info from their experience as they have learned — or not — from it. And far too many people offer advice from second-hand and/or NO experience whatsoever. Their goal is to play the make-YOU-wrong-game — whether they admit it or not.
⇒ People who are on your side will offer suggestions about what to do now instead of invalidating what you did/didn’t do.
♦ Here’s something that works particularly well for Me: View offenders as servants for your greatness.
◊ When We wallow in the hurt feelings of betrayal, etc., We continue setting Ourselves up for what We perceive as failure (not being loved; not being worthy; not [insert whatever here]).
◊ People pay servants to perform useful tasks. Consider what you believe offenders have taken from you (especially, emotionally) as payment for an educational opportunity. And let them be paid in full.
◊ By operating from a perspective of SELF-TRUST, you heal faster, learn better, and can choose more wisely in the future.
⇒ Give yourself permission to have a few setbacks and bumps in the road to refine your lessons instead of viewing these as failures.
◊ And if you really want to feel better about it, write the offender a thank you note and — without sounding bitter (so take time to ruminate on your feelings which serves you to clarify them) — tell the offender how their nefarious behavior has made them a “good servant” and useful for the oxygen they breathe… That’s My line and I mean it!
⇒ It’s fine to never send the note to them — this is a forgiveness tool that is designed to make you feel better and release the toxicity of your experience of them to be better served by them. It may actually be better not to send it to avoid further annoyance.
♦ Enhance your Awareness with empowering techniques and practices. Awareness is your Key to Freedom as you discover what your underlying thoughts are that imprison you in “dis-empowerment” and “misery conditioning” via religions, (anti)social structures, etc.
◊ READ consciousness raising materials and learn to meditate — and yes, there are apps for that!
◊ Limit/avoid useless, social media— you don’t need to know about every step that someone’s toddler takes just because they’re obsessed with posting about it…
⇒ Make sure to have a daily intake of GOOD NEWS and limit media-fear-mongering-ghoulishness.
♦ Take your face out of your phone and smile at people. Develop personal interaction skills so that you’re not rude-creepy and attracting rude-creepy people and experiences to you.
◊ LAUGH as often as possible because laughter releases four, main, ‘feelgood’ chemicals – endorphin, oxytocin , serotonin, and dopamine in the brain, which supports everything I’ve written here.
◊ Learn to laugh at yourself because:
(1) you relieve yourself from the make-wrong-game;
(2) you learn from the experience in a state of joyousness, which is always more fun and useful than learning from pain; and
(3) when you can laugh at yourself, those who laugh WITH you contribute to your growth and those who laugh AT you will have NO effect on you because YOU have The Power in the situation.
◊ I make it a habit to laugh immediately before I go to sleep to get that feel-good chemical boost for a better night’s sleep and a much more glorious morning!
◊ PRACTICE GRATITUDE.The more you focus on what is good in your life and have gratitude for, the more you will have to be grateful for. That’s Universal Law. And talk about pumping those feel-good chemicals!!!!
⇒ Start with The Magic by Rhonda Byrne which is a 28-day practice to develop Gratitude. The booklet’s tagline is, “The easiest, fastest way to change your life.”
♦ Surround yourself with people who are on the same paths of consciousness as you are.
◊ IMPORTANT: Learn to be alone and enjoy your own company. As you evolve, people will come and go because they are working on (or not) their own, personal journeys. Being distracted by conditioning that being alone means being lonely and/or unwanted is UNTRUE and a waste of valuable time to do and be what YOU want.
◊ Be prepared to let go of friends and relatives— or put them to the side. What people fear most is change. And when you make changes for your personal growth, jealousy and sabotage can often come from those closest to you because they are afraid (for whatever reasons) to face their own “demons” to evolve. Some folks even choose to believe that to discourage and sabotage you is love for you!
⇒ One of My favorite practices is to say, “I love you for who you were in My life; I release you for who you choose to be now.” Whether you actually say this to the person or not is irrelevant; this is a TOOL for your strength and forgiveness.
⇒ PAY ATTENTION to people’s actions. Don’t make excuses for their bad behaviors because they’re a relative or you’ve been friends for a long time. None of that means (1) they truly care for you now and/or (2) that you owe them anything — especially to take abuse from them. You don’t need to know why or what their reasons are for being non-supportive of your happiness and greatness. Treat yourself well and them accordingly.
♦ Get and stay healthy — mind, body and spirit.
◊ Mind: Meditate daily; have daily infusions of positive news; READ conscious-raising materials; keep your focus on what you want and avoid negative distractions.
◊ Body: Exercise; eat with a focus to BE HEALTHY rather than skinny or whatever mind-control-conditioning is running you; rest/recuperate/sleep; get massages — Groupon and massage schools offer affordable options.
⇒ Try different forms of yoga to get started and/or enhance your routines because yoga is also excellent for the mind and spirit. Check out Sara Ivanhoe’s Yoga For Dummies Series — excellent! The link is to several, FREE YouTube videos.
◊ Spirit is NOT limited to religious conditioning; it is about the expansion of your excellence to contribute to The Whole. Follow your heart and what feels good with the highest integrity.
♦ MOST IMPORTANTLY, DON’T BE LAZY.This is the greatest time in known history for finding and having what you want with information at your fingertips, literally. The same way folks can search for the latest music video (or porn…), search for answers to your questions. If ever there was a time that “seek and ye shall find” was true, it is now!
◊ While there are many generous people who will share their knowledge, ONLY YOU can find what you need and how you need it.
REMEMBER: YOU are the creator of your life. Change your perspective, change your world. CHOOSE BETTER everything and that is what you will have.
You CAN do it! Good luck and I support you in living your greatest life and contributing your greatness to The Whole!
For detailed techniques, check out My current and upcoming Workshops. Custom and private Workshops may be created,
Always MY Pleasure,
If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…
I’m a Domme, not your mom.
More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom
Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.