Tag Archives: The Fetish League™

AskMistressDidi.com

How-To Tips for submissives: First Contact

February 26, 2016

This entry is for submissives AND Dominants to utilize for BetterFetish™ in your life.

The following are tips for the serious submissive to make successful connections with Dominants by making a good impression to be taken seriously.   Since there are so many wanna-subs and kinksters polluting the Fetish Scene, it is difficult for the truly submissive (especially those who are new to the Scene) with a sincere desire to serve to be seen and heard. If you are not aware of what entices Dominants to notice you with interest, you will be discarded before you even have a chance to connect.

I strongly recommend that you appreciate the other Gifts I also offer on My Ask Mss Didi* site to improve your chances for finding the Dominant of your dreams and being a quality submissive.  Pay particular attention to the following:

My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide

submissive vs. substandard

The Importance of Rituals and Protocols


Presentation is everything. First impressions are lasting.

Contacting a Dominant can be very scary! I feel for you, I really do! However, it must be done if you are ever going to fulfill your destiny. Now, you have the choice to contact Us intelligently or repeat the stupid mistakes that make Us all wonder if We’re ever going to find what We’re looking for.

Understand that there are a lot of folks who are either confused or want to believe that the definition of a submissive is a sexual bottom and end their experiences there. These creatures annoy Quality Dominants by contacting Us with what they want and without any class, charm, or respect whatsoever. Approach Us correctly and We will want to know you!

Contacting Us

1)     READ AND PAY ATTENTION to Our information (websites, profiles, etc.), especially Our requirements for service. Don’t just get excited by Our photos. We have taken the time and care to clearly present Our requirements in writing so that there are no misunderstandings about what We want and do not want, etc. Be realistic to yourself about whether you fit what We’re interested in BEFORE contacting Us with your desire to serve.

2)     ALWAYS address a person (Dominant, submissive, whatever) with a polite salutation and by their name AND title. For example, “Hello, Mistress Didi,” is acceptable and shows that (1) you have manners and were not raised by complete barbarians; (2) you offer respect for how a person chooses to express Her/himself in The Scene; and (3) you gain Our intention by addressing Us directly. “Hey,” or to just begin your contact with a copy and pasted, impersonal writing is unacceptable because (1) you show that you are only interested in what you want; (2) you don’t care who accommodates you as long as you can get someone to; and (3) shows a lack of manners, social grace, and basic consideration for the person you’re addressing. IF I bother to respond at all to such an intrusion into My special, crafted, and cultivated Domain, I reply with only this link: How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

3)     Attractively state what you offer before mentioning what you’re looking for. There are far too many selfish twits who believe that “submissive” is code for lay-down-and-get-done. They always and only talk about what they want – and that’s all they talk about. These substandards must think that (a) they’re so special (because their mommies told them so) that the world is going to do back-flips in excitement to cater to them and/or (b) that We’re desperate (there are a lot of desperate “dominants,” but they are not in the mindset of Quality Dominance that I am referring to). Dominants are interested in what you offer to improve and/or compliment Our Domains. Some do’s and don’ts are:

  • Do NOT write graphically explicit details about what you’re into, willing to do, fantasizing about, etc. Such personal details should be reserved for an already-established relationship and upon request.
  • Do NOT send non-requested, naked photos – and especially photos of your genitals. I guarantee that how sexy you think your body parts are will not be appreciated by most Dominants who are interested in a true D/s relationship dynamic and not just kink. In fact, it’s rude to “flash” people! We will tell you if and when We want to see you naked.
  • Do list your talents, skills, and what you’re comfortably able to provide to Us. BE USEFUL. No one wants dead weight hanging around, taking up space. And NO, your idea of your sexual prowess is not considered a talent or skill.
  • Keep it short and to the point. I know that some of you are saying, “Really, Mistress Didi? That from You of all people?” It is true that I often choose to be loquacious, but as I teach in Domina101™, My time is valuable. I carefully and clearly make My Requirements available so that everyone can handle their own business and not waste My or their time. Making people read quickly weeds out the lazy and other wannasubs who are not what I want in My Domain. Most of Us are busy people and you are not the only person requesting to serve Us.
  • Use full sentences and proper phrasing – and definitely do NOT use texting abbreviations. Here’s one of the gems I teach in My Superior submissive™ Workshop: Always phrase your sentences as requests and be careful not to sound as if you are making demands. Dominants really dislike being told what to do. For example, “Call me,” or any type of command is NOT for you to say to Us; it’ for Us to say to you.
  • Say please, thank you, and may I. Aside from being polite and having manners, you are speaking from your proper place and into how We can be most receptive to you.
  • Be honest about your situation(s). For example, if you’re a starving artist and someone decides to give you a chance, truthfully relay what is comfortable for you in terms of time and finances.

I know, the alarms just went off in your head: I said, “finances.” PAY ATTENTION:

  • Anything that is worthwhile will cost you time and/or money. While there are a lot of Dominants who don’t like to use the word, “tribute” because most people don’t know what a tribute is and are too lazy to look it up along with its historical connotations, even those Dominants want an investment from you in appreciation for Their time and attention – which IS what you want from Us.

4)     Whatever you do, don’t approach Us with desperation! Do not beg! We will tell you when We want you to beg. Desperation is a warning sign of emotional immaturity, of whiners, energy vampires, incompetence, and selfish kinksters. While that may be a desire for some Dominants, I don’t know any of those types – and don’t want to know them because their attraction to people with “baggage” will bring drama-not-on-Broadway with them wherever they go. Neediness is NOT attractive and is a setup for disaster.

5)     Don’t ask questions that you can look up to handle your own business. In the time it takes you to ask Us something like, “What’s shibari?” you can Google it. Do that. Otherwise, you’re showing Us that you’re lazy. Use the internet for more than just looking up porn!

6)     Be pleasant and sincere. Tell the truth. I never understand why people lie; the truth will inevitably be revealed sooner than later. If you’re in a relationship, DEFINITELY say so. Smart Dominants know that “my partner doesn’t understand me” crap is exactly that: crap.  It’s also code for a lot of things to look out for that I disclose in My Webcam Workshops.

7)     The stupidest thing you can do is supply a photograph that is not current. Not everyone is going to be polite when you’ve sent a photo of someone who’s fit and coiffed and you show up flabby, frumpy, and 20 years older – I most certainly am not!  If We’ve taken an interest in you, We want the real you from the start! I will never understand how people think that the bait-and-switch is going to work. We do NOT like being lied to and set up for disappointment. Starting out with a gigantic LIE is completely disrespectful to Us and is a wasteful form of masochism because you cut yourself off from authentic experiences by being disingenuous. Such idiocy robs Us both of the thrilling dynamics of Sadism and masochism and irritates Dominants. It is not smart to irritate Dominants… And definitely foolish to irritate Sadists…

Of course, I have MANY more tips, tools, and gems for your comfort and ease in making an excellent first impression. The easiest way to learn them is to treat yourself to My Webcam Workshops, the proceeds of which assist in My Charity fundraising! The other option is to read through all of the many, many Gifts I offer for FREE on My Ask Mss Didi* site and work it all out for yourself. Aren’t you lucky that I am such a Giving Goddess!

Whatever option you choose, get started NOW. No one is guaranteed your next breath…

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopshttps://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gifBeing a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

 

Check In & Center of Attention

September 5, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I thought it was beyond rude that [name omitted] kept interrupting You and tried to take over while You were giving Your presentation.  I wanted to slap her face off and am amazed how You kept Your cool and took control.  PLEASE tell me how You do it!  — J.T.

*****

Well, J.T.,

Here’s what I do:

1)  I consider the source of aggravation before I take action, which makes everything else a lot easier.

2)  I Check In Before I Check Out.  I take a moment to see what’s going on with Me before I choose to put someone else in check.  Perception IS everything.  We all have moments when perhaps, We woke up on the wrong side of the bed and something simple can be THE most annoying thing at the moment.  I take a moment to acknowledge My feelings so that I can choose to respond rather than react.

As for [name omitted], I pity her for needing to be the center of attention without doing anything on her own merits to deserve it.  This latest outburst has finally made it unavoidably clear that she thrives to ride on My coattails with bad behavior in order to be noticed.  This is just sad.

It’s only good to be the center of attention when you know how to give back: your duty is to make those whose attention you have feel good about giving you their energy.

I don’t have to like a person to hope that she evolves to understand this lesson.  Here’s to hoping!

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

My Contributions, your purpose

February 21, 2016

Note:  I choose to publish this entry to assist confused individuals who misunderstand the definition of Dominance and how it IS in real-life.

Whenever you offer something of value, people who contribute nothing and do nothing of their own, will often have the audacity to take offense and even threaten you.

Domina101™ Tip:  ALWAYS clarify their value to Your REALITY.  In this way, You give them an opportunity to evolve from ignorance — Good Karma for You!  What they choose to do with Your Gifts is their karma.


Dear Mistress Didi*,

You’re not having fun parties any more and what’s with all this self-help crap? If You’re not going to get back to business, i’m leaving your mailing list.

‑ mama-told-me-i’m-special (the name I dubbed this creature)

* * * * *

Attention:

I’m in the be-served business; NOT the service industry.

I create Events that please ME. While I know that My generosity and altruism will be unappreciated by those who are lacking any of their own, I have no interest in accommodating the whims of whiners.

Value Reality Check:

1)  I’m a REAL Domme.  I maintain My Domain My Way on My Terms.  Anyone who has anything to do with Me and My Domain are invited GUESTS.

2)  I have created, and continue to create, public and private events on a grand scale for guests with refined taste, skill, and integrity — something seriously lacking in the majority of what has become The Scene today.

3)  I have conducted, and continue to conduct, numerous classes and workshops in a wide variety of techniques and topics in the realm of My Expertise.

4)  Along with My Ask Mss Didi* Offerings, I create various opportunities for personal evolution via Fetish Appreciation with My Domina101™ and Superior submissive™ mentoring programs, contributing to The DommeSalon™, and a plethora of other training opportunities.

5)  I wrote My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress as a primer for both Dominants and submissives to improve the abysmal lack of manners that contributes to the deterioration of the elegance of The Scene.  you need to read it.

I improve The Scene with My Contributions that many have benefited, and continue to benefit from.

And who are you, really?

1) you have offered nothing to or for Me and/or Mine.

2) you have not donated to any of My Charitable Works.

3) you have not attended any of My Events, though I was gracious enough to comp you and a guest since you complained about a lack of finances.

4) you are not pleasant personally nor visually.  you make no effort to offer any beauty, talent, and certainly, not charm.  So, you are not a consideration in the creation of any of My Events.

5)  The only thing you have done in My Reality is ask Me to offer My Expertise — which I graciously gave more than once — for your “community” organization for NO compensation, collaboration, nor support of anything that I’ve done or do.  you have, however,  served to prove this truth:

Do not cast your pearls before swine, lest they be trampled under foot.
— Matthew 7:6, KJV

I wasn’t aware that you were on My Mailing List.  So, in truth, you removing yourself from it will have the same use for Me as you have always had in My Domain — none whatsoever.

you may take solace in the fact that NONE of what I do is for or about you or anyone else who offers NOTHING, and whines about what I DO.

For further clarification on the situation, read Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,

Mss Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshops

https://askmssdidi.com/1/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/readmynewsletter.gif

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.