Author Archives: MssDidi

Photography At Fetish Events

December 23, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi

I am a fetish photographer and want to attend your next event to capture real life moments. Are you one of these annoying promoters who don’t allow photography at your events? ~ [name omitted]

Dear “flash,”

I would like a Rolls Royce complete with chauffeur. It seems that neither of Us is going to receive what We’d like today, though I assure you that I would be much more polite in My request than you have been with yours. Because you serve Me to answer your question for My purposes, I choose to respond to you:

The problems with photography at Fetish events in real-life are:

people are concerned with their privacy;
most photographers always think they are far more talented than they actually are;
most photographers think they OWN not only the photographs but all rights to the people in them; and
the lack of integrity and social skills of the vast majority of the population.

I do not permit any types of photography, etc. at My events EXCEPT for those provided by MY photographer. It took a long time for Me to carefully develop a fantastic relationship of TRUST with My photographers and event guests. I cherish these relationships and will do everything in My power to honor them.

NO photos are taken of anyone without their permission.
I maintain ALL copies of photos taken at each of My events and ONLY post photos to a private album which is available ONLY to guests of that event who (1) are in the photos and (2) who have given WRITTEN permission for the photos to be posted in the album. In other words, NO photos are taken or posted in the private album without written consent. Period.

The reason I maintain ALL photos is to ensure privacy control. (On numerous occasions, I have had to fight the illegal use of My photos. If any photos taken at any of My events are misused, I will be able to and most definitely will provide concrete evidence and support for legal action against the offender.)

This practice takes quite a bit of My time, as I make sure to handle all photos personally, and I gladly give this consideration to My guests. I am unique in this practice and in My generosity. Perhaps, this is because I’m an Event Designer and not just a promoter.

My suggestion to you is to develop a relationship with some other “fetish” event promoters and politely express your desire to capture photos of real-life moments. Choose the promoter(s) carefully because if the promoter is a sleazebag, your reputation will be tainted for a LONG time WHEN he does something heinous – which is inevitable.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Keeping Cool With Karma

July 2, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I have been practicing the techniques You gave us in the Domina101™ course and I must be doing something wrong. I can’t seem to deal with this [naughty word omitted] and I just want to beat her face in every time I see her! I remember You teaching not to let anyone bring me down to a level [where] I won’t like my behavior the next day. But I need help! Thank You!
~ Miss P

*****

Darling Miss P,

I wrote an entry in an earlier edition of My Newsletter about Keeping Cool With Karma which addresses exactly your issue! I have reprinted it below. Please note that I write My advice from My perspective, owning My responsibility for My choices and actions:

DOMINA 101 TIP: Keeping Cool With Karma. I believe that everyone can make a mistake and I am generous with giving people opportunities to be cool in My Domain. Again, My Motto isDon’t start none, won’t be none, so the only times that I encounter problems with people is because they forgot themselves ~ I’ll explain.

There are far too many folks pretending to be representative of the “face they show to the world” – especially in The Fetish Scene. They lie, cheat, make up stories about Me because they feel a serious lack of value within themselves (the “Void”). Something about Me (or you) triggers their ability for true-self-reflection and they recognize that they are not the façade that they work too hard to convince people and themselves of. So, instead of being inspired by Me (or you), they become “ired” (angered via jealousy and recognition that they are not what they want to believe they are) by My Truth and want to punish Us for the fact that they are “less-than.” This is an incredibly stupid and lascivious practice that ultimately gets them in trouble, causes “unpleasantries,” and leaves them deeper in “personal debt” (The recognition of how much one is lacking as a person – usually due to the practice of making lower-energy choices which inevitably lead to a spiritual-emotional-self-love Void.). I do My best to“Guide them to become inspired instead of ired,“~ meaning, choose to direct the less-evolved to avoid jealousy when they can take the high road to self-love via My inspiration.

I have always graciously given people “another chance” and, unfortunately, they seldom appreciate such a gift. I have had people look Me in My face and lie to Me to sabotage My events and projects; steal from Me; cost Me money; twist My (or others’) words around to try to cause trouble (see My Blog post regarding Mollena); accuse Me of doing the low-life things that they would do ~ anything to try to bring Me down to their sad, little levels of awareness. You’ve noticed that I have cut certain people out of My Domain (you suddenly don’t see them mentioned in My Newsletters; you don’t see them at events with Me anymore; I no longer promote their works; etc., and I don’t speak ill of them, which would be beneath Me). There is a VERY good reason I have removed them. (See Outting or Protecting and Handling My Stalkers – How To Deal With A Stalker.)

I know that Karma is a magnificent thing and I always wish accelerated karma for everyone ~ Myself included. This is why I don’t “do retaliation.“ When reality catches up to offenders, that Void becomes so large that all they can see is how much they miss the Beauty of My Energies. Those who evolve will come back ~ how they come back determines whether or not I will allow them access to My Domain ever again. If they really believe the stupidity that led them to attempt to take advantage of My generosity, they will remain on the fringes with that Void growing ever deeper. If they recognize that they had a “brain fart moment,” I may give them the opportunity to prove their worthiness of knowing My kindness again. MOST important is that they offer a proper apology, which most creeps would rather die than do!

They always come back – always. After all, I have what they want and I do just fine without them. And I sleep peacefully at night with a clear conscience.

Forgive the offenders. I understand that it is a lack of self-love that causes people to offend Me. I do pity them, but just enough to make sure that I don’t do anything to actually cause damage to them. I forgive those who have attempted to steal from Me, take advantage of My kindness, and I even forgive those who have rewritten history to somehow make Me wrong when their horrid behavior caused Me to take action to save their lives from people threatening to “eliminate” them ~ and I mean this literally. I do not have to do anything to offenders, nor would I ever cause damage to MY KARMA, when the offenders’ behaviors will balance things out just fine – I’ve seen the truth of Karma in action on many, many occasions.

The issue is whether the offenders can forgive themselves… One can have a lot of fun with that… and I usually do!

“To err is human; to forgive, divine” (Alexander Pope) and I truly am a Goddess incarnate… And it takes work!

Here are some resources for Forgiveness and for keeping your Karma straight! You will also find great benefit from My Concepts for Forgiveness.

The Forgiveness Project works at a local, national, and international level to help build a future free of conflict and violence by healing the wounds of the past. By collecting and sharing people’s stories, and delivering outreach programs, The Forgiveness Project encourages and empowers people to explore the nature of forgiveness and alternatives to revenge.

6 Timeless Thoughts on Forgiveness from The Positivity Blog. I recommend subscribing to this blog ~ very good stuff!

Handling Forgiving and Forgetting from LiveStrong.com

The Gift of Forgiveness with a wonderful video

Learning To Forgive – a good how-to guide

In conclusion, I have seriously contemplated the concept of loving a person in order to forgive them. Sometimes, you just have to say, “I love you enough to forgive you and so that I don’t hurt you, I completely release you.” That works, too. There is no rule that says you have to keep an offender in your Domain. There is no rule that says you have to like a person in order to forgive them, either. Forgiveness is for you and your self-love first and foremost. By being the example, you lead.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Forgiveness

December 1, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Last night, I overheard You discussing forgiveness. I only caught a bit of what You said, but it really helped me with a difficult situation that I am struggling with. Can You please offer me some more advice? Thank You, Ma’am.

~ Grateful

Dear Grateful,

Do understand that I write this from the perspective of a Sadist. Where I choose the term, “punish” and similar words, I suggest you choose an action that resonates with your Truth. I’m a Libra (The Scales), so perhaps that also explains what I’m about to say.

I have a 3-strikes-you’re-out-rule for Myself because the first time, shame on you; the second time, I was gracious and you set yourself up for the Divine Torture I’m going to extremely enjoy when/if you offend Me the third time!

My commitment is to the Win-Win. I do My very best to keep My Karma in balance. So, I do everything from the place of understanding that everyone and everything in Our Universe is here to teach Our souls lessons. When people disappoint Us – and they always will – it is part of Our mutual lessons. It is not so much the situation as it is what We do with the situation that allows Us to grow towards Joy – if We choose to.

Now, here’s the tricky part: We are conditioned by religion, social mores (plural, noun, Sociology:folkways of central importance accepted without question and embodying the fundamental moral views of a group) & pressures, family “stuff,” etc., to believe that:

evolving means to deny anger and all of the feelings that are natural to being disappointed, disturbed ~ “dissed” – which is ludicrous and against Nature.

We should somehow be all-knowing so that when people disappoint Us, “I should have” known better, seen it coming, [insert self-defeating statement here].

it is either all Our fault OR the other person’s fault and We misunderstand personal responsibility. It’s not until We’re adults that the concept of the dynamic of the interaction between ALL parties gives Us the opportunity to take a good look at Our egos (which shows Us how We are in/out of balance with Self-Love) presented to Us – if We’re lucky.

Having said that, I CHOOSE to permit everyone the opportunity to show Me who they are and HOW they are – which can often be quite different in behavior due to how folks handle stress and FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real. And because I embrace the fact that I Am A Sadist, and My Motto is Don’t start none, won’t be none, when they choose to operate outside of the Realm of Love and Respect, I enjoy creating balance for Myself.

I had the great fortune of meeting the Dalai Lama who told Me (I’m paraphrasing) that Karma is whether You can sleep at night. I forgive offenders because, as Jesus said, “they know not what they do.” And if they do know, they chose to receive the consequences for their actions – consciously or subconsciously – it’s all in Divine Order for evolution. I torture them because I do know what I’m doing to take care of My needs and I own My responsibility for doing so. I always choose to torture with the opportunity for evolution, because I’m also taking care of My Karma.

Some people think this is enacting vengeance. I believe that the same way the offender gave Me the opportunity to grow through pain, I am the Agent of Karma in return by giving them the opportunity to evolve however they choose to interpret the consequences of their actions.

Forgiveness first begins with Yourself because We have to undo all of that “conditioning” that is designed to make Us wrong. Once I do that, I find that I can choose to torture from a place of giving love, rather than from a place of retaliation. I prefer to reward rather than to punish. Sometimes, a gift can have an amazing sting, but one always grows through pain. Whether they choose to grow towards Joy is their choice.

Hedonist that I Am (I created My own religion, Spiritual Hedonism™), I choose Joy!

Resources For Forgiveness

Update 2016

6 Timeless Thoughts on Forgiveness from The Positivity Blog. I recommend subscribing to this blog ~ very good stuff!

Handling Forgiving and Forgetting from LiveStrong.com

The Gift of Forgiveness with a wonderful video

Learning To Forgive – a good how-to guide

Added 2/29/16 – What Is Radical Forgiveness by Collin Tipping

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.