Category Archives: Etiquette

Domme for Dollars

October 29, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I am a new slave and new to the scene. What should I expect from a Mistress? Some bring up money. Is that what it’s about? ~ new and confused

*****

Dear new and confused,

I understand that you’re new. It is a personal peeve of Mine for “newbies” (or anyone) to determine themselves “slaves” or “Dommes” without the first clue as to what that IS or involves. If you were truly a “slave” in service to a REAL Mistress, you would be properly trained and not asking this question. Period.

In My public service article, Domme v. dumme, I specify the differences between REAL Dominants and “hoochies with whips,” who are usually silly-young-girls being manipulated by some guy who calls his pseudo-brothel a “dungeon.” There is as much a difference between a tribute and a fee as there is a difference between a true professional and an actor who plays one on TV.

A REAL Mistress has invested the time, education, and dedication to Fetish As Art with the intention and understanding that BDSM IS an integral part of Her Life, not solely a source of income. To serve a REAL Mistress requires dedication and a measure of worth on your part. Tribute is an offering of appreciation to the Domina for Her time, consideration, and attention regarding you. A REAL tribute may or may not be monetary and if you are in service to a REAL Dominant, you will not be required to pay a “requisite amount” each and every time you visit. Be sure to read submissive v. substandard to understand the dynamic involved with being in service to a Dominant.

More information on the Lifestyle and safety practices can be found HERE. I encourage you to do the research to give yourself the opportunity to experience the best that Fetish has to offer. Because the adage, “you get what you pay for” does not purely have monetary application; skill and authenticity are paramount for happiness in all areas of life. And that’s what it’s all about.
Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Gruesomes

June 13, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I broke off a 3 month attempt at a relationship with a man who is a favorite of the females in [The Scene] to bat their eyelashes at. If they knew what I know now, they would look the other way! What annoys me is that we barely stopped seeing each other when a few of these heifers actually contacted me to ask if “everything was OK!” These people barely speak to me at any other time! I want to slap each one of them in their faces many times! I don’t know how to get over being so insulted and angry at how they dare to be so nosy!!!!! Any advice? Thanks, Miss T.

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Well, Miss T.,

You’re in luck! I recently ended a relationship with someone in The Scene (sort of), too and the gossips tried to circle around Me like vultures! Here is part of a post to My blog on this very issue and you will also find value in How To Deal With Relationship Gossip:

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I tell people what I want them to know. Period. The only reason I’m bothering to comment on the scavenging is to eliminate the opportunity for the usual-jealous-ugly-creatures to besmirch the person who is no longer a part of My life – though, the bumpkins will gossip lies anyway because that is all they have. This behavior is typical of people with a low sense of self-worth with good reason.

My Mother is a lady, as are/were ALL of the Women in My Family on all sides for as many generations as I can count. I grew up with and continue to be surrounded by a lot of love. Perhaps, this (also known as “good breeding” and “good home training”) is why I have no sense of jealousy for any other person and the ability to genuinely be happy for and wish other people well. I do not revel in the pains of others, not even those I intensely dislike due to their offenses against Me. Such behavior subtracts from your own worth and attracts negativity to you. I am enough in Myself that I do not need to waste energy “dissing” others when I could put that energy into doing more things to honor and love Myself.

I am disgusted by people who do not love or value themselves. I call these creatures “gruesomes” because they are not only ugly on the inside, they are inevitably ugly on the outside. Instead of seeking to improve the conditions of their lives, they seek to belittle everyone and everything in order to feel comfortable in their gruesomeness. They create communities of others like them to wallow in the muck and mire of the pathetic excuses for lives they choose to create while seeking out those of Us who truly are fabulous to lie, cheat, and attempt to sling into the feculence of their miserable realities.

A True Lady does not discuss the details of Her love affairs or such matters that are usually put into that category. If She has cause to mention the departed lover, She refrains from any displays of negativity – especially in public and particularly around gruesomes.

I will NEVER speak ill of anyone I have had any sort of relationship (or attempts at relationships) with because I have too much self-respect to have the need to besmirch another person. This is evident in the way I have never spoken ill of the silly dummes who have attempted to gain attention for themselves by telling lies on Me – and they’re still telling those same, old, tired, lies that have been exposed! People with a sense of low-self-worth do not ever realize that a person’s truths are evident based on their merits, which is why like attracts like and the fabulous associate with the fabulous and the gruesomes hang with the gruesomes. Take a good look around you.

I am evolved enough as a human being to understand that every person is unique to your experience and that when people don’t click, you should move on. I accept responsibility for My actions, which include choosing to stay in/leave situations with the goal of My happiness. Because I not only value Myself, I honor My integrity and I choose to remember the positive qualities that I found attractive in people who are now in My Past. I encourage everyone to do the same to reject negative feelings that do not serve you. If you love yourself, you do not need to have contempt for anyone you attempted to love.

When all the gossip buzzes around you like flies to manure, take a good look at the perpetrators, and see just how gruesome they are. There’s value to the adage: Consider the source. Sometimes, you can judge a book by its cover.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

MANNERS

March 4, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

i dread the holidays as Master’s sisters come to dinner and completely disrupt His household. Master has expressed His desire to address their behavior and has commanded this task to me. Since i would never dare to tell Master’s family what to do, i humbly ask for any advice You can give! With much gratitude, pf

Dear pf,

Here is a blog post I wrote recently that should be exactly what you’re looking for! I suggest that you offer this to your Master and that the two of you can figure out a way to “adapt” it to suit your needs. Best of luck!

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Throughout this season of … cheer, I permitted a few people into My humble home and was appalled by their complete lack of manners. I NEVER say, “make yourself at home” for a reason: the right to consider My home your home requires bill payments and TREMENDOUS amounts of feats of worthiness.

Since it appears that parents have completely failed to provide any social-grace education to their offspring over the past 40 or so years, here’s a quick list of How Not To Offend Your Hostess/Host. By all means, pass this information on to YOUR friends and relatives, especially the younger generations.

1. Sit down and stay seated. DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF A TOUR OF THE HOSTESS’ DOMAIN. A person’s home is NOT a museum. If you wish to see the domicile, ASK for a tour and respect the answer given to you.

Also, DO NOT choose to pick up items to inspect them. This is offensive to the Hostess’ personal space. If you are too bored with your own company to be left alone for the few moments it takes for the Hostess to go to the bathroom to urinate, bring a magazine when you visit so that you can amuse yourself.

2. Bathroom Hygiene. The fact that I have cause to write this disgusts Me, but mothers need slaps right across their faces – and not in a happy-fun way – for not training their children in cleanliness from early childhood. There is NO reason for anyone to leave urine on the toilet seat or the floor!

Step 1: Lift the toiled seat BEFORE using the toilet.

Step 2: Use toilet tissue to wipe the rim and inspect the floor to ensure that it is waste-free.

Step 3: WASH YOUR HANDS when done.

And WASH YOUR HANDS when you come in from the street. If you do not physically go to the bathroom to do so, carry hand sanitizer in case the Hostess does not offer it to you. AND if the Hostess offers, use it.

3. CALL before going to a person’s home. Don’t think it’s OK to drop by. I recently left someone in the hallway who foolishly thought I would open the door to My apartment because she was in the neighborhood. I told her that the same way she thinks to call Me to complain about her stupid husband, she should think to call to ask if she can come to My home. In this era of instant communication, there is no reason not to offer the courtesy of a text or phone call.

4. NO MEANS NO. When I say that I do not want you to clear the table, wash My dishes, or help Me, I mean it. A recent offender received 5 stitches for disrespecting My wishes in My home by deciding to help himself to a glass from My kitchen cabinet and broke a glass bowl with is forehead as it fell onto him. I honestly expressed My anger that he dared to even enter My kitchen, that his head broke My beautiful bowl (and he owes Me a new one), and that he bled on My kitchen floor. When I say My home is booby-trapped, I mean it.

5. Use a napkin, plate, utensils, chew quietly with your mouth closed, and don’t speak with your mouth full of food. Seriously, does no one tell these people that their table manners are atrocious? Really? Pigs eat at troughs for a reason. I do not wish to:

hear you smack your lips or slurp your liquids
see the food being chewed in your mouth
have you drop crumbs all over My apartment
have you wipe your hands on My furnishings or your clothing
scrape your utensils against your teeth
sing, hum, dance at the table

It always amazes Me that all these people who want to be in “control” don’t even have basic control of their own awareness and physicality to eat like civilized human beings… Yet, they will be the first to express disdain about someone else’s civility.

The BEST gift one can give is the gift of respect and good manners. By all means, take a refresher course and pass this info along – especially to the generations coming behind you. For more resources on manners, visit the Emily Post Institute where you can also find information on the appropriate amounts to tip for services.

What Prompted This Post

I would like to say that I had a marvelous Christmas, but the rudeness of all of the incredibly, self-absorbed people who chose their excitement over common courtesy, intelligence, and respect for anyone else seriously disrupted My Peace on Earth. I had an incredibly stressful Christmas Eve dealing with yet another relative being rushed to the hospital in serious condition (relatives in hospitals now up to 6) and I did NOT appreciate someone texting Me at 12:01 AM on December 25th because it was now Christmas. I also really did NOT appreciate the persons who chose to text Me at 8:30am, 9:00am, 9:02am and 9:15am to wish Me a Merry Christmas – and especially on a Saturday morning. I have STRICT contact times – which are between 12:00 NOON and 9pm ONLY – for very good reasons – one of them being that I am the emergency contact for all these hospitalized relatives, so I cannot turn off My phone. The fact that it is Christmas – a holiday that I respect but have no affiliation with – does NOT change anything. Besides what I wrote above, the decision of people to have their fun at My expense is why I chose to give this gift to assist Us all in remembering to mind Our manners.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom