Tag Archives: advice

MANNERS

March 4, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

i dread the holidays as Master’s sisters come to dinner and completely disrupt His household. Master has expressed His desire to address their behavior and has commanded this task to me. Since i would never dare to tell Master’s family what to do, i humbly ask for any advice You can give! With much gratitude, pf

Dear pf,

Here is a blog post I wrote recently that should be exactly what you’re looking for! I suggest that you offer this to your Master and that the two of you can figure out a way to “adapt” it to suit your needs. Best of luck!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Throughout this season of … cheer, I permitted a few people into My humble home and was appalled by their complete lack of manners. I NEVER say, “make yourself at home” for a reason: the right to consider My home your home requires bill payments and TREMENDOUS amounts of feats of worthiness.

Since it appears that parents have completely failed to provide any social-grace education to their offspring over the past 40 or so years, here’s a quick list of How Not To Offend Your Hostess/Host. By all means, pass this information on to YOUR friends and relatives, especially the younger generations.

1. Sit down and stay seated. DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF A TOUR OF THE HOSTESS’ DOMAIN. A person’s home is NOT a museum. If you wish to see the domicile, ASK for a tour and respect the answer given to you.

Also, DO NOT choose to pick up items to inspect them. This is offensive to the Hostess’ personal space. If you are too bored with your own company to be left alone for the few moments it takes for the Hostess to go to the bathroom to urinate, bring a magazine when you visit so that you can amuse yourself.

2. Bathroom Hygiene. The fact that I have cause to write this disgusts Me, but mothers need slaps right across their faces – and not in a happy-fun way – for not training their children in cleanliness from early childhood. There is NO reason for anyone to leave urine on the toilet seat or the floor!

Step 1: Lift the toiled seat BEFORE using the toilet.

Step 2: Use toilet tissue to wipe the rim and inspect the floor to ensure that it is waste-free.

Step 3: WASH YOUR HANDS when done.

And WASH YOUR HANDS when you come in from the street. If you do not physically go to the bathroom to do so, carry hand sanitizer in case the Hostess does not offer it to you. AND if the Hostess offers, use it.

3. CALL before going to a person’s home. Don’t think it’s OK to drop by. I recently left someone in the hallway who foolishly thought I would open the door to My apartment because she was in the neighborhood. I told her that the same way she thinks to call Me to complain about her stupid husband, she should think to call to ask if she can come to My home. In this era of instant communication, there is no reason not to offer the courtesy of a text or phone call.

4. NO MEANS NO. When I say that I do not want you to clear the table, wash My dishes, or help Me, I mean it. A recent offender received 5 stitches for disrespecting My wishes in My home by deciding to help himself to a glass from My kitchen cabinet and broke a glass bowl with is forehead as it fell onto him. I honestly expressed My anger that he dared to even enter My kitchen, that his head broke My beautiful bowl (and he owes Me a new one), and that he bled on My kitchen floor. When I say My home is booby-trapped, I mean it.

5. Use a napkin, plate, utensils, chew quietly with your mouth closed, and don’t speak with your mouth full of food. Seriously, does no one tell these people that their table manners are atrocious? Really? Pigs eat at troughs for a reason. I do not wish to:

hear you smack your lips or slurp your liquids
see the food being chewed in your mouth
have you drop crumbs all over My apartment
have you wipe your hands on My furnishings or your clothing
scrape your utensils against your teeth
sing, hum, dance at the table

It always amazes Me that all these people who want to be in “control” don’t even have basic control of their own awareness and physicality to eat like civilized human beings… Yet, they will be the first to express disdain about someone else’s civility.

The BEST gift one can give is the gift of respect and good manners. By all means, take a refresher course and pass this info along – especially to the generations coming behind you. For more resources on manners, visit the Emily Post Institute where you can also find information on the appropriate amounts to tip for services.

What Prompted This Post

I would like to say that I had a marvelous Christmas, but the rudeness of all of the incredibly, self-absorbed people who chose their excitement over common courtesy, intelligence, and respect for anyone else seriously disrupted My Peace on Earth. I had an incredibly stressful Christmas Eve dealing with yet another relative being rushed to the hospital in serious condition (relatives in hospitals now up to 6) and I did NOT appreciate someone texting Me at 12:01 AM on December 25th because it was now Christmas. I also really did NOT appreciate the persons who chose to text Me at 8:30am, 9:00am, 9:02am and 9:15am to wish Me a Merry Christmas – and especially on a Saturday morning. I have STRICT contact times – which are between 12:00 NOON and 9pm ONLY – for very good reasons – one of them being that I am the emergency contact for all these hospitalized relatives, so I cannot turn off My phone. The fact that it is Christmas – a holiday that I respect but have no affiliation with – does NOT change anything. Besides what I wrote above, the decision of people to have their fun at My expense is why I chose to give this gift to assist Us all in remembering to mind Our manners.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Consider The Source

October 1, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

You witnessed an incident that should not have happened. [name omitted] offended me and I didn’t do anything to cause him to be so rude. I still think I did the right thing to roll my eyes and walk away, but the whole thing bothers me. What is the best way for me to handle this? Thanks, G

*****

Dear G,

My fabulous Grandmother always said: “Consider the source” whenever someone did something that disrupted My flow. That was some of the best advice that She ever gave Me ~ and She gave Me so much great advice!

How To Use This Great Advice:

1) Check In first to see what’s going on with you that is causing you to be disturbed by someone’s actions;

2) Choose what you want to do. In other words, choose to respond rather than react. Give yourself the power in the situation and choose your greatest well-being;

Clearly recognize the “quality of being” that the person who has annoyed you is putting forth. Translation: how is this person showing up? as a cool individual who may have made a mistake? as a complete jerk?; and

Most importantly, forgive them. Whether or not a person intends to disrupt your peaceful flow, it is YOUR responsibility that your flow is disrupted. Forgiving them frees YOU from any further care for or about them.

As We all know, there are too many lazy individuals who take the slimy way out and operate from the lowest levels of consciousness and personal responsibility. It is easier for you, in your best interests, to pity them for making self-defeating choices; there can never be true happiness when you choose to be less than your best.

If the saying: There is only fear or love is true, then these offenders are seriously lacking love in their lives – not only love from others, but self-love. That makes them pathetic and having compassion for them also frees you from further concern and bother because you can choose what you want to do from a place of clarity.

So, if you consider the source of the aggravation, you do yourself a great service by releasing all attachment to that aggravation. I find that allowing Myself to have pity on, but not to tolerate or excuse offenders, keeps Me able to maintain My Fabulous Flow. Yes, this requires a bit of discipline, but that is the entire point of Mastery ~ which always begins and ends with Mastery of The Self.

Honing your skill to recognize behavior that stems from a lack of self-love and awareness will strengthen your ability to Consider The Source. I offer Domme vs. dumme and submissive vs. substandard.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Confusing Dominance for bullying

September 4, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I read Your post on [site omitted] and would like to say how much I appreciated the way you handled [name omitted]’s attempts to be rude and completely disrespectful to You. Though it was clear to everyone but [name omitted] that her original post was not expressed properly, and that her attack on your suggestion for her was obviously designed to provoke You, You handled her perfectly. It is so nice to see such elegance and class on [site omitted] for a change… Respectfully, Mistress JT

*****

Dear Mistress JT,

Recently, I had yet another typically boring incident of someone mistaking My actions to be in line with the nefarious intentions they have in their own actions. If I make a mistake, I WILL apologize. Just tell Me – don’t address Me the way one should address their insidiously-ill-mannered-spawn. Though the person’s manner should have been more polite, I quickly apologized and the cow replied back to Me as if she were speaking to a humiliation-sub. Nothing she has serves Me in any way. I was being gracious by contributing to her online forum in the first place.

Then, one of My Domina101™ Attendees contacted Me with a similar problem. So, I’m having a glorious day and I’ve decided to share the Domina101™ tip that I gave to Her:

Being a Domme should be a lot more fun than it often is. You have to remember to focus first on Who You Are. These silly creatures out here are so confused by what it means to be Dominant/submissive that they just exhibit bad behavior which reflects their lack of self-love – and they are too ignorant to know it.

Being a Dominant first and foremost requires self-control and personal responsibility. Too many “wanna-doms” think that to treat people with humiliation at any and every opportunity means being “in control.” This is always a set up for what one wishes one coulda-woulda-shoulda done when they come across a True Dominant Who actually has a Domain and not just a delusion – like moderating an online group is the extent of one’s domain. For too many cybercreeps, the online “community” is all they have to pretend that they are what they present themselves to be. This is not only pathetic and sad, but a testament to how little they actually think of themselves to be too afraid to venture out into the Real World with those of Us who ARE walking Our talk.

Bullies are cowards which are, in My opinion, down there with the lowest of life forms. A coward always makes everything and everyone a reason for why they are failures. They are first to criticize what you have created while having created nothing of their own. They are first to berate you for making a mistake as if they have never, ever made even one. They do not know how to give compliments because they recognize and despise their lack of self-value. They do not know how to accept apologies because they cannot accept their own fallibility. Somehow, they believe they are perfect and that the world offends them by not showing up according to their limited ability, from even more limited experience, to think that it should be. These are the same people who want to dictate exactly how You should be Dominant in Your Domain while knowing absolutely nothing about You, Your life, Your Reality, etc. It is this type of “little world of domination” mentality that annoys those of Us who are living in the Real World of Owning One’s Domain.

I have recently had to post You Won’t Like My Events If… as a cordial warning to “space invaders” with this same bullying-distortion of what Dominance is. If one has to bully, one is a coward, not a Domme. A True Dominant knows that She does not lose anything by showing respect, gratitude, and graciousness without waiting for an invitation to do so. She can do this because She loves Herself, is responsible for Her actions, maintains Her Domain, and is not threatened by how other people do things in theirs. Most importantly, A True Dominant has no need to even attempt to enter someone else’s Realm and impose anything on it.

The beauty, as William Shakespeare said, is that “Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.” Julius Caesar, Act 2, Scene II. Sadist that I am, I take much pleasure in knowing that they repeatedly cause their own suffering by avoiding personal responsibility! And then, I wish them well as long as they are far away from Me and Mine.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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