April 6, 2014

Dear Mistress Didi,

Thank You for the Domina101 Workshop! I learned a lot more than I thought I would and I see that there is much I didn’t consider. I feel much more confident and I have a much better understanding of how I am Dominant and where to go from here… Would You please elaborate on what “takers-fakers-shakers-noise-makers” are?

Miss K

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Miss K,

I’m delighted that You enjoyed My Domina101 Workshop and have gained value from it. It is My intention to pass on the wisdom that I’ve learned from experience to as many people as possible for BetterFetish ‑ which is sorely needed these days as people confuse Fetish with kink (see Fetish vs. kink).

I devised the term, “fakers-shakers-takers-noise-makers” to refer to “time-wasters” who are part of the confusion of the mainstream’s foray into The Scene. While We want to give people the opportunity to prove their worthiness, knowing the signs of “wasters” prevents acts of vampirism on Our precious energies. As always, I use My own experiences as examples, but anyone who reads this will be able to relate to many examples of these folks in their own lives.

Fakers

Fakers are exactly what they sound like: pretending to be any and everything they claim to be. You will find an enormous amount of fakers on so-called, (anti)social sites of every kind, but especially on “alternative lifestyle” sites. Particularly these days in the 50 Shades of Foolishness era, every moron with a pulse is a “Dominant” or a “submissive” but the translation of those terms for fakers is to be a control freak/bully and/or a “do-me,” sex-seeker (a.k.a., lazy). These folks read fiction, fantasize that they are the characters, and chime in on every forum conversation from the imaginings in their heads – usually to play the make-wrong game with someone whose experience intimidates and reminds them that they’re liars. Since fakers lie, they insist that everyone else is lying, too – especially people (1) who they feel will see through their ruses and (2) who they feel cause them to feel inadequate – which is anyone who disagrees with them and/or doesn’t join in their brand of negativity against others. Fakers usually have sad and boring lives and seldom show up and/or screw up when given the opportunity to have what they claim they desire. Then, they create “horror stories” about You to spread to other fakers to avoid facing how they fail themselves and other people in their real lives.

Resources: Safety Tips For Dommes (and everyone else); Toe in The Water Retreat

Shakers

Shakers are nosy gossips, busy-bodies, disruptors, instigators, and other creeple whose intention is to cause strife, stress and discord. If there’s a he-said-she-said situation, a shaker is at the helm with a bunch of others just like him sucking on the hull of the ship like barnacles. Shakers feed off of negativity and will even disagree with what they actually believe just to get a rise out of you – or anyone they can. Of course, shakers lie. Shakers possess a special type of pathetic insecurity that usually results in self-abuse in the form of attacks on their physical health and appearance. To avoid their own self-loathing, shakers seek to be contrary by nit-picking words and phrases from your conversation and propose them out of context to fight with you in an attempt to play the make-wrong game. This is the favorite way that shakers gather others of their kind to join in the shark attack.

Beware of shakers in your close circles. They pretend to be your friends, wait for you to confide in them at a vulnerable moment, and try to steer you in the direction of the most strife so they can talk about you and indulge in your pain. Their lack of self-love is infinitely greater than their desperate need for attention. What shakers never understand is that there is only one end for them: their behavior creates a reputation that people will have nothing but horrible things to say while talking about them and telling the truth. It’s just a matter of time…

Resources: The 4I’s (& Flopped Friendships); Boring Need For Attention With Criticism Masked As Polite Conversation; False Friends & Allies In Lies

Takers

Takers have one goal: to use and abuse whatever they can get from You without offering anything. A taker is the guy who agrees to Your terms and “somehow,” doesn’t manage to show up to fulfill them. The goal is for You to be understanding of his “issues” and give him more chances – all of which he will fail to fulfill. Another example of a taker is the “Mistress” who smiles in My face – as if I didn’t know how she speaks about Me behind My back – and rushes to take a photo with Me to make herself “look good by association” in her blog (see Fabulous & Guilty By Association). This chic has never contributed to My Charity Works in any way but will contact Me for advice and for help. Perhaps, takers think We’re stupid or suckers. If she ever actually reads anything on My Blog, she will recognize herself and see how she serves Me. As I have written and continue to advise, I make offenders useful to Me – see the Contents of My Gifts*.

Resources: Ask Mss Didi*

Noise-makers

Noise-makers also suffer from a desperate need for attention. They just lie – period. Noise-makers are the broadcast system for h8ters and their intention is to destroy what creators create. They thrive on disharmony and destruction. They are the worst type of gossips and the lowest of the low because they are the mindless fool-tools of fakers, shakers, and takers. Their desperate desire to be accepted by “the cool kids” is the impetus for their poor choices.

My favorite noise-maker of all time is slave-sarah (if I had a penny for every one I’ve encountered with that name…) who, while I was conversing with a few folks at a Play Party (not Mine), walked into the center of the group and, while looking Me in the face, proceeded to tell a story about how horrible “Mistress Didi” was and what a terrible time she had at My recent event. She thoroughly engaged Me, so I asked:

“And what’s your name?”

“I’m slave sarah,” she said, extending her hand to shake Mine. “And You are?”

The look on her face was priceless as I said, “I’m Mistress Didi.” This noise-maker was so embarrassed that she literally turned bright red and ran out of the door, leaving her sweater behind.

The best way to deal with noise-makers is to manipulate their egos to humiliate themselves. Like a shark in a feeding frenzy, once they get started, their venomous slander is addictive like heroin and they spiral out of control. When you’re done using them for sport, thank them for gathering other undesirables onto their bandwagon and away from you. And then, be done. I always remind folks that I discard trash; I don’t entertain it.

Resources: False Friends & Allies In Lies; Manipulation Tactics: Who’s Topping You?; Being Superior: My “How To” Process

People who have a lack of self-love are usually combinations of all of the above. The annoyance of fakers-shakers-takers-noise-makers is that they breed. In this era of internet anonymity, absence of manners and social skills, entitlement issues, trash-called-literature written by a bunch of horny wanna-bes, and kink confused for Fetish, We can expect more idiocy from people who “know it all” while having NO REAL-LIFE experience. And no, kinky sex doesn’t count for Fetish Expression. Such immaturity and lack of personal responsibility endangers The Scene physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – none of these concepts are relatable to people who are in it just for their kinky kicks.

The bigger annoyance is that fakers-shakers-takers-noise-makers are the slave-labor of unscrupulous websites and promoters that profit from negativity with the intention of drying up The Scene for the sake of profit via the novelty-masses. So, what Fetishist have to contend with are folks who’ve invaded The Scene for the sake of fashion without the respect and passion that makes Us Who We Are As Fetishist. There is no Art with people whose intentions are motivated by the “tip of the drip.”

Since unbridled kink attracts creeps and criminals, I maintain that it is up to the Dominants to instill order via protocols and education as We filter through the rubble. For all of Our protection, it is imperative to know your legal rights and preventive measures for Your safety, as well as for Your sanity.

Resources:   Fetish Safety For All: 50 Shades of Foolishness; The Importance of Rituals and Protocols; Domina101; and Mistress Didi’s Webcam Workshops

Please feel free to link to My Blog posts to help enhance the educations of others and refer them to download My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

• 10 Domina101 Workshop Tips
• How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks
• Domme vs. dumme
• submissive vs. substandard

A Domina101 Tip

December 27, 2014

This post is in response to a few conversations regarding an incident where a Dominant made a few enemies due to her lack of courtesy. Let this be a guideline for You when You’re “Domme-tripping,” and for how to deal with head-trippers.

Never expect anything from a pig except a grunt.
~ #quote My Fabulous Grandmother

You know that thing: the oh-so-Dommey-Dom/me who condescends to You right off the bat? Even knowing that You’re a Domme? Not that condescending without a good reason is ever ok…

My recent experience of that thing while celebrating the Holiday Spirit:  I asked a few Dommes I’ve been aware of if they would like for Me to mention them and their works in My Holiday Newsletter. One lovely, Domina said thanks and didn’t give Me drama-not-on-Broadway where drama belongs. The other one is the perfect representation of what I’m writing here and I’ve made her useful for a Domina101 training. Now:

1)    I am a very gregarious person and a strong supporter of Women Supporting Women;

2)    I am in NO way desperate for content for My Newsletter or for anything that I do; and

3)    I am not asking for anything from YOU other than exactly how you would like Me to present your work in My Newsletter, which is more for-and-about-you than it is for Me.  If one chooses to look at the situation as someone doing something for someone else (which I don’t), I’m doing YOU the favor of free promotion – not the other way around. I am generously sharing My resources with You.

We all know that technology today makes it possible to research the person you’re dealing with before you make a complete turd of yourself. And yet, it is My experience on a regular basis that all these silly creatures do is look at My photos and immediately make up ignorant- fantasies about Me that are extremely limited… The really gruesome just look to pick out specific words in something you and I post online about OUR experiences to play the make-wrong game. And those who believe that they are as ugly as they are, are outright rude in person – as if somehow, everyone observing will not peg their behavior as jealousy. Pity these people; there is something seriously lacking in the quality of their existence that makes them hostile and combative. Pity them, but definitely put them in their places – beneath You.

While I do pity them, I find it helpful to understand the motivations for their rudeness to prevent Me from wanting to completely eviscerate them. I am a Responsible Sadist whose motto is:

Don’t start none, won’t be none – I finish it.

How To Handle The Piggy Dom/me

1)    Recognize that s/he is intimidated by You and needs to convince herself of her false-sense of superiority. People who suffer from inferiority complexes often believe that if they can force their idea of dominance onto you, that they will prove to the world that they are superior to everything and everyone else.

2)    Whatever You do, do not become hostile. That’s exactly what they want You to do! They can only feel alive through negative experiences because that is the punishment of people who focus on lower-level activities and expression. These are the people, after all, who usually don’t exercise, eat well, or read, and who rush to watch judgment-TV with bowls of junk food-stuff on a daily basis. That is the recipe for toxicity and they are toxic in mind, body, and spirit. So, they most certainly can’t feel good about themselves and they want to disrupt the flow of everyone who not only lives well and feels good, but certainly those who look good! These are also the people who are quick to call YOU conceited for having a sense of style – which, in My Opinion, is Our Duty To Society.

3)    Dismiss them. As always, You have the choice in how You wish to respond. I usually treat them with pleasantries and respect right up until the moment they serve their purpose for Me dealing with them in the first place. Then, I immediately change My tone of communication to a clearly-dismissive one. This lets them know that they are no longer of importance and shakes up their comfort zone. The best part is that I always “plant a seed of torture” – Domina101 participants know what I mean! Ahhh, delicious!

A favorite story recanted among My Associates is of a male dominant who had the audacity to think he could bark orders to Us at an event. You know the type: the guy who thinks that every woman – especially Dommes – really want to sub to him.  It was immediately clear to Me that this person would never be someone or something enjoyable or of value to Me or Mine. So, I chose to “nip it in the bud,” as the expression goes. I stood in front of him, pointed My finger at him, laughed genuinely, turned to My submissive and walked away, laughing. For the rest of the event, I specifically let him see Me enjoying Myself with worthy humans and not once did My eyes glance in his direction. I made him disappear. As usual, the gruesome grapevine passed along his attempts to defame Me, but witnesses addressed his rudeness before I ever got wind of their remarks – not that I care about gruesomes have to say anyway. They only serve to add salt to the wounds of My sprouting seeds of torture.

4)    Most importantly, let it be known that You don’t care about them. They have served your purpose and are unworthy of further attention. People who do not care for themselves want you – anyone – to care about them. Because they know that they are bereft of redeeming qualities, the only tool they have to be noticed is gruesome behavior. And that’s where pity can be a most useful tool for You.

As a Responsible Sadist, I find comfort in leading them by the nose into seeing just how ridiculous they are. Because I am a firm believer in Karma, I always find ways to give a reality slap that permits offenders the opportunity for personal growth – which is good for My Karma, which is always My primary motivation. What they choose to do with My Gift is their karma.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

 *****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles:

• Confusing Dominance for bullying
• Pity The Self-Loathing
• Domme vs. “dumme”

SPECIAL Opportunites: Check out My Newsletter!

November 11, 2014

Note: I receive numerous correspondence (yes, grammartically correct) about people who betray Our Trust and Friendship – especially since a person who considered herself a professional Domme and “My” best friend outted My submissive in a public venue (causing him child custody problems) and continues a claim-to-fame by using My name… yawn.  Glad I don’t have her Karma ahead!  This entry is advice that helps to put your perspective where it belongs: On Your Greatness.

~~~~~~~~~

I’d like to offer these Gems that I’ve learned the hard way (but that’s what makes them Diamonds – to use a metaphor!):

Someone wrote to Me:

I realize that I have been making myself wrong for feeling “ugly” towards certain people. I take on the responsibility for things that happen even when I am not the reason things happened the way they did…  I am not powerful enough to be the cause of everything that happens between me and others in my life.

Actually, We ARE that powerful, but not in the sense of perceiving cause-and-effect in such black-and-white terms.  I’ve learned that Free Will is also not so simple and that most people make choices based on FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real) and FEAR lives strongest in the subconscious mind.

The thing about the subconscious mind is that We must practice Awareness in order to be free of FEAR and evolve to Being Better.  This is an extremely scary, and often, difficult thing to do which is why most people spend time finding fault to blame others rather than looking at what motivates their actions to do so.

In this age of information overload, the impulse to be distracted seduces the “lesser mind” – hence the inundation of UGLY amusements – e.g., the fake “reality TV” shows where the most banal behaviors are “entertainment.”  And people wonder why their children are so abominably behaved when the constant input into their own and their children’s conscious and subconscious brains is nothing but degrading negativity.

We cannot escape it; We can only strengthen Our SELVES to DEFLECT it.

Now, here’s where those of Us who practice Awareness get tripped up: We judge Our valid feelings.

We have the right to feel hurt, betrayed, etc. when people disappoint Us.  But here’s the thing:

• We are not wrong for trusting someone at their word; they FAILED to live up to it.  Your word is ALL You have, You are.  Your Word is Your Power – every religious and wisdom doctrine and philosophy says so.  For example,

John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

 —  Please note that I am not a Bible-thumper; I use whatever wisdom is available to help Us connect on Our Highest Levels.  I believe that this is the whole point of having all of these wisdom sources available to Us.

• When people disappoint Us, they are giving Us GIFTS to:

~ see their true worth and to re-categorize their value in Our lives from this point forward.  My Mantra:  I love you for who you were in My Life and I release you for who you choose to be.

~ see the opportunities for Our growth and the variety of choices We HAVE to commit and re-commit to BEing Our Best

~ practice DETACHMENT, which is not ,”NOT caring” – it’s caring more for Yourself to maintain Your Wellness.  Forgiveness is the Key – and forgiveness is not forgetting or saying that it’s OK that they were poopheads.  Forgiveness is FOR You to be free of torturing Yourself for their failures.  Forgiveness is also so that You don’t get wrinkles and frown lines!

• The situation itself IS WHAT IT IS.  EVERYTHING else is Our judgment of it.  I know, that tight grip right in the heart-solar-plexus area kicks in.  But right there is the best indication that LETTING GO is required.  We have to LET GO of Our woulda-coulda-shoulda habits and expand Our Awareness for what We can do and BE Better.

• We also have to be kinder to Ourselves and permit Ourselves to have the full spectrum of the human experience on this Earth plane at this time.  We can only do that by releasing preconceived notions of what a situation  should be (ego) – including Our feelings – and allow Ourselves to respond from conscious choice rather than to react from FEAR (False Experiences Appearing Real = expectation).

This is why meditation is NECESSARY to BE Our Bests.  We need to fortify Our SELVES in order to deflect the ridiculousness and stay focused on Our Truth.  I like to envision wearing a suit of glorious armor made of mirrors when dealing with knuckleheads.  I let their negative energy be reflected back to them to see their true selves and be inspired to evolve.

Also, by considering offensive behaviors and people as giving Me gifts makes them useful – which is always easier to deal with them accordingly.

So, We ARE that powerful and the power is to recognize that their failure is NOT Our doing: It could not have been any other way than the way it was.

Our power comes from consciously choosing Our next steps from a place of Self-Love, which does not preclude love for those who have offended Us.  We can choose HOW to love them – which, in My case, usually means cutting them out of My life completely so that no one ends up dead or in jail! Ha!

Karma is a fabulous thing: people cannot escape their Truth, no matter how hard they try.  They just delay the inevitable.  And when they must face their Truth, they always come back...  And that’s the best part because I’m a Sadist Who, while I forgave them a long time ago, I don’t let them have the comfort that they came to Me to feel forgiven for their offenses against Me.  Their guilt is their problem and their Karma.  MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

• Compassion & Tolerance
• False Friends & Allies In Lies
• How To Move Forward & Strengthen From Crappy Relationships