Tag Archives: social

The True Discipline

September 12, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Every time i see my former Mistress with Her new sub, I am upset. i don’t know why, since Mistress and i parted ways very well, i truly want Her to be happy, and i am now collared. i am afraid to share my feelings with my present Domme because She may need to discipline Me and She is a hard disciplinarian. What should i do? Thank You, slave t

******

Self-discipline is the only true discipline. You affect all there is at all times.

What happens on all levels is directly related to your perception and your choices. Accept responsibility for them.

Think about how this concept looks in your life right now. This is the key to creating your ideal reality.

Everything begins and ends with your Self.

Having said that, no matter what your Domme may do, the reality of this situation is that you are the one who has to change your behavior. I believe in different strokes for different folks – literally. Personally, I would want My sub to come to Me with all emotional issues so that We can address them together to suit both of Our needs. So, if you are afraid of your Domme, remember that it is your responsibility for accepting Her collar and you made the choice for this type of a D/s relationship.

So, consider carefully what the lesser of the evils will be! Take action quickly so that your unresolved issues with your former Mistress do not compromise your happiness with your Domme.

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and Classic Fetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

June 30, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I recently broke up with someone in The Scene. The problem is that where I live, the community is very small and everyone knows each other. Last weekend, there was a party and when I arrived, people had been talking about us and tried to get me to say what was wrong with him. What bothers me most is that the people who approached me were not even people who were ever friendly to me in the past. I felt very uncomfortable and left the party very early because I didn’t want to discuss our personal business with nosy people. Since this is where I normally socialize, how do I handle them trying to be in my business? And how do I keep my ex from talking about me to them? Thank You, Miss Private

Dear Miss Private,

It is difficult to take the high road with low-lives. However, that is My advice. The most important thing you have is your reputation. You and your ex know the truth, so no matter what anyone else chooses to think or say, your best defense is a strong offense.

Defuse the situation as soon as it presents itself. The moment someone begins prying into your personal business, and especially if they try to get you to speak ill of your ex:

1) Put your hand up with a gentle “stop” motion. This speaks to the unconscious mind and helps to reinforce what you say to them on a conscious level. Keep your hand near your own body – do not extend it into or near their space because this action will be perceived as invasive (even thought they are invading your space). Then withdraw your hand into your own body and bring it to rest, which reinforces that you are taking responsibility both to your own and to observers’ subconscious minds;

2) Be very kind, gentle, and direct as you take personal responsibility by saying something like, “It would not be polite or fair to [your ex] or to me to break the trust of our privacy.”

a) Taking personal responsibility does not overtly make the nosy people wrong and prevents egotistical defenses (unless you are dealing with a complete moron);

b) Maintaining a non-confrontational attitude alleviates you from being perceived as defensive; and

c) If they push the issue further, they will expose themselves to be nosy gossips, which they most likely do not want to do.

3) Immediately turn the topic of conversation on to the questioner – complimenting them in some way works best. People like nothing better than to talk about themselves. Complimenting attire or asking about something you know they are proud of or feel good about quickly takes the attention off of you and your business.

There will always be circumstances where you may have to do more work to get rid of a space invader. Some other tips I recommend are:

“Excuse me, costume malfunction!” and walk away.
Asking them why they want to know and then stating that you wouldn’t want them to be accused of gossiping so you will take responsibility to change the subject.
If you’re anything like Me, just say, “It’s none of your business.” I usually do it ever so sweetly, with a lovely smile on My face, and jokingly as if their intention was to be humorous instead of nosy.

The goal is to maintain your dignity while refusing to divulge your personal and private information.

Should you encounter a situation where an offender will actually claim that your ex is saying crappy things about you, take the high road again with compassion. “I am sorry to hear that he is so devastated that he has to tell such stories! How pitiful.” And walk away. Walk away from that kind of offender because they are intent on disrupting your peace and looking for some kind of confrontation. I have actually had a situation where such an offender decided to follow Me around to badger information from Me, so I chose a very, highly-visible area where people observed Me say, “Now I know why people say you’re a nosy gossip.” And I walked away again. It was unfortunate, but necessary, that I had to embarrass this dreadful creature.

You cannot stop your ex or other people from saying things. The best approach is to make it a point to be observed being amused by the situation with a no-care attitude. And don’t be a drama-queen when you do it. Gossips and low-lives can only thrive if they disrupt your peace. If you present yourself as if you don’t care, you disrupt their feeding frenzy and they will soon latch onto someone else. If you really let go and don’t care about negative behavior, you free yourself to receive better things.

You may also want to read My blog post on what I call “gruesomes” as you seem to be surrounded by them and they’re everywhere… Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

MANNERS

March 4, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

i dread the holidays as Master’s sisters come to dinner and completely disrupt His household. Master has expressed His desire to address their behavior and has commanded this task to me. Since i would never dare to tell Master’s family what to do, i humbly ask for any advice You can give! With much gratitude, pf

Dear pf,

Here is a blog post I wrote recently that should be exactly what you’re looking for! I suggest that you offer this to your Master and that the two of you can figure out a way to “adapt” it to suit your needs. Best of luck!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Throughout this season of … cheer, I permitted a few people into My humble home and was appalled by their complete lack of manners. I NEVER say, “make yourself at home” for a reason: the right to consider My home your home requires bill payments and TREMENDOUS amounts of feats of worthiness.

Since it appears that parents have completely failed to provide any social-grace education to their offspring over the past 40 or so years, here’s a quick list of How Not To Offend Your Hostess/Host. By all means, pass this information on to YOUR friends and relatives, especially the younger generations.

1. Sit down and stay seated. DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF A TOUR OF THE HOSTESS’ DOMAIN. A person’s home is NOT a museum. If you wish to see the domicile, ASK for a tour and respect the answer given to you.

Also, DO NOT choose to pick up items to inspect them. This is offensive to the Hostess’ personal space. If you are too bored with your own company to be left alone for the few moments it takes for the Hostess to go to the bathroom to urinate, bring a magazine when you visit so that you can amuse yourself.

2. Bathroom Hygiene. The fact that I have cause to write this disgusts Me, but mothers need slaps right across their faces – and not in a happy-fun way – for not training their children in cleanliness from early childhood. There is NO reason for anyone to leave urine on the toilet seat or the floor!

Step 1: Lift the toiled seat BEFORE using the toilet.

Step 2: Use toilet tissue to wipe the rim and inspect the floor to ensure that it is waste-free.

Step 3: WASH YOUR HANDS when done.

And WASH YOUR HANDS when you come in from the street. If you do not physically go to the bathroom to do so, carry hand sanitizer in case the Hostess does not offer it to you. AND if the Hostess offers, use it.

3. CALL before going to a person’s home. Don’t think it’s OK to drop by. I recently left someone in the hallway who foolishly thought I would open the door to My apartment because she was in the neighborhood. I told her that the same way she thinks to call Me to complain about her stupid husband, she should think to call to ask if she can come to My home. In this era of instant communication, there is no reason not to offer the courtesy of a text or phone call.

4. NO MEANS NO. When I say that I do not want you to clear the table, wash My dishes, or help Me, I mean it. A recent offender received 5 stitches for disrespecting My wishes in My home by deciding to help himself to a glass from My kitchen cabinet and broke a glass bowl with is forehead as it fell onto him. I honestly expressed My anger that he dared to even enter My kitchen, that his head broke My beautiful bowl (and he owes Me a new one), and that he bled on My kitchen floor. When I say My home is booby-trapped, I mean it.

5. Use a napkin, plate, utensils, chew quietly with your mouth closed, and don’t speak with your mouth full of food. Seriously, does no one tell these people that their table manners are atrocious? Really? Pigs eat at troughs for a reason. I do not wish to:

hear you smack your lips or slurp your liquids
see the food being chewed in your mouth
have you drop crumbs all over My apartment
have you wipe your hands on My furnishings or your clothing
scrape your utensils against your teeth
sing, hum, dance at the table

It always amazes Me that all these people who want to be in “control” don’t even have basic control of their own awareness and physicality to eat like civilized human beings… Yet, they will be the first to express disdain about someone else’s civility.

The BEST gift one can give is the gift of respect and good manners. By all means, take a refresher course and pass this info along – especially to the generations coming behind you. For more resources on manners, visit the Emily Post Institute where you can also find information on the appropriate amounts to tip for services.

What Prompted This Post

I would like to say that I had a marvelous Christmas, but the rudeness of all of the incredibly, self-absorbed people who chose their excitement over common courtesy, intelligence, and respect for anyone else seriously disrupted My Peace on Earth. I had an incredibly stressful Christmas Eve dealing with yet another relative being rushed to the hospital in serious condition (relatives in hospitals now up to 6) and I did NOT appreciate someone texting Me at 12:01 AM on December 25th because it was now Christmas. I also really did NOT appreciate the persons who chose to text Me at 8:30am, 9:00am, 9:02am and 9:15am to wish Me a Merry Christmas – and especially on a Saturday morning. I have STRICT contact times – which are between 12:00 NOON and 9pm ONLY – for very good reasons – one of them being that I am the emergency contact for all these hospitalized relatives, so I cannot turn off My phone. The fact that it is Christmas – a holiday that I respect but have no affiliation with – does NOT change anything. Besides what I wrote above, the decision of people to have their fun at My expense is why I chose to give this gift to assist Us all in remembering to mind Our manners.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.