Category Archives: Self-Love & Care

Gruesomes

June 13, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I broke off a 3 month attempt at a relationship with a man who is a favorite of the females in [The Scene] to bat their eyelashes at. If they knew what I know now, they would look the other way! What annoys me is that we barely stopped seeing each other when a few of these heifers actually contacted me to ask if “everything was OK!” These people barely speak to me at any other time! I want to slap each one of them in their faces many times! I don’t know how to get over being so insulted and angry at how they dare to be so nosy!!!!! Any advice? Thanks, Miss T.

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Well, Miss T.,

You’re in luck! I recently ended a relationship with someone in The Scene (sort of), too and the gossips tried to circle around Me like vultures! Here is part of a post to My blog on this very issue and you will also find value in How To Deal With Relationship Gossip:

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I tell people what I want them to know. Period. The only reason I’m bothering to comment on the scavenging is to eliminate the opportunity for the usual-jealous-ugly-creatures to besmirch the person who is no longer a part of My life – though, the bumpkins will gossip lies anyway because that is all they have. This behavior is typical of people with a low sense of self-worth with good reason.

My Mother is a lady, as are/were ALL of the Women in My Family on all sides for as many generations as I can count. I grew up with and continue to be surrounded by a lot of love. Perhaps, this (also known as “good breeding” and “good home training”) is why I have no sense of jealousy for any other person and the ability to genuinely be happy for and wish other people well. I do not revel in the pains of others, not even those I intensely dislike due to their offenses against Me. Such behavior subtracts from your own worth and attracts negativity to you. I am enough in Myself that I do not need to waste energy “dissing” others when I could put that energy into doing more things to honor and love Myself.

I am disgusted by people who do not love or value themselves. I call these creatures “gruesomes” because they are not only ugly on the inside, they are inevitably ugly on the outside. Instead of seeking to improve the conditions of their lives, they seek to belittle everyone and everything in order to feel comfortable in their gruesomeness. They create communities of others like them to wallow in the muck and mire of the pathetic excuses for lives they choose to create while seeking out those of Us who truly are fabulous to lie, cheat, and attempt to sling into the feculence of their miserable realities.

A True Lady does not discuss the details of Her love affairs or such matters that are usually put into that category. If She has cause to mention the departed lover, She refrains from any displays of negativity – especially in public and particularly around gruesomes.

I will NEVER speak ill of anyone I have had any sort of relationship (or attempts at relationships) with because I have too much self-respect to have the need to besmirch another person. This is evident in the way I have never spoken ill of the silly dummes who have attempted to gain attention for themselves by telling lies on Me – and they’re still telling those same, old, tired, lies that have been exposed! People with a sense of low-self-worth do not ever realize that a person’s truths are evident based on their merits, which is why like attracts like and the fabulous associate with the fabulous and the gruesomes hang with the gruesomes. Take a good look around you.

I am evolved enough as a human being to understand that every person is unique to your experience and that when people don’t click, you should move on. I accept responsibility for My actions, which include choosing to stay in/leave situations with the goal of My happiness. Because I not only value Myself, I honor My integrity and I choose to remember the positive qualities that I found attractive in people who are now in My Past. I encourage everyone to do the same to reject negative feelings that do not serve you. If you love yourself, you do not need to have contempt for anyone you attempted to love.

When all the gossip buzzes around you like flies to manure, take a good look at the perpetrators, and see just how gruesome they are. There’s value to the adage: Consider the source. Sometimes, you can judge a book by its cover.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

How To Deal With Relationship Gossip

June 30, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I recently broke up with someone in The Scene. The problem is that where I live, the community is very small and everyone knows each other. Last weekend, there was a party and when I arrived, people had been talking about us and tried to get me to say what was wrong with him. What bothers me most is that the people who approached me were not even people who were ever friendly to me in the past. I felt very uncomfortable and left the party very early because I didn’t want to discuss our personal business with nosy people. Since this is where I normally socialize, how do I handle them trying to be in my business? And how do I keep my ex from talking about me to them? Thank You, Miss Private

Dear Miss Private,

It is difficult to take the high road with low-lives. However, that is My advice. The most important thing you have is your reputation. You and your ex know the truth, so no matter what anyone else chooses to think or say, your best defense is a strong offense.

Defuse the situation as soon as it presents itself. The moment someone begins prying into your personal business, and especially if they try to get you to speak ill of your ex:

1) Put your hand up with a gentle “stop” motion. This speaks to the unconscious mind and helps to reinforce what you say to them on a conscious level. Keep your hand near your own body – do not extend it into or near their space because this action will be perceived as invasive (even thought they are invading your space). Then withdraw your hand into your own body and bring it to rest, which reinforces that you are taking responsibility both to your own and to observers’ subconscious minds;

2) Be very kind, gentle, and direct as you take personal responsibility by saying something like, “It would not be polite or fair to [your ex] or to me to break the trust of our privacy.”

a) Taking personal responsibility does not overtly make the nosy people wrong and prevents egotistical defenses (unless you are dealing with a complete moron);

b) Maintaining a non-confrontational attitude alleviates you from being perceived as defensive; and

c) If they push the issue further, they will expose themselves to be nosy gossips, which they most likely do not want to do.

3) Immediately turn the topic of conversation on to the questioner – complimenting them in some way works best. People like nothing better than to talk about themselves. Complimenting attire or asking about something you know they are proud of or feel good about quickly takes the attention off of you and your business.

There will always be circumstances where you may have to do more work to get rid of a space invader. Some other tips I recommend are:

“Excuse me, costume malfunction!” and walk away.
Asking them why they want to know and then stating that you wouldn’t want them to be accused of gossiping so you will take responsibility to change the subject.
If you’re anything like Me, just say, “It’s none of your business.” I usually do it ever so sweetly, with a lovely smile on My face, and jokingly as if their intention was to be humorous instead of nosy.

The goal is to maintain your dignity while refusing to divulge your personal and private information.

Should you encounter a situation where an offender will actually claim that your ex is saying crappy things about you, take the high road again with compassion. “I am sorry to hear that he is so devastated that he has to tell such stories! How pitiful.” And walk away. Walk away from that kind of offender because they are intent on disrupting your peace and looking for some kind of confrontation. I have actually had a situation where such an offender decided to follow Me around to badger information from Me, so I chose a very, highly-visible area where people observed Me say, “Now I know why people say you’re a nosy gossip.” And I walked away again. It was unfortunate, but necessary, that I had to embarrass this dreadful creature.

You cannot stop your ex or other people from saying things. The best approach is to make it a point to be observed being amused by the situation with a no-care attitude. And don’t be a drama-queen when you do it. Gossips and low-lives can only thrive if they disrupt your peace. If you present yourself as if you don’t care, you disrupt their feeding frenzy and they will soon latch onto someone else. If you really let go and don’t care about negative behavior, you free yourself to receive better things.

You may also want to read My blog post on what I call “gruesomes” as you seem to be surrounded by them and they’re everywhere… Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work?

August 7, 2011

This is an excerpt from My response to a post by the fabulous Jennifer Shelton at FemCentral. I’ve modified it to speak directly to you.

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Semantics. What one person calls “positive thinking” is called “mindfulness” by another person writing a book to sell. “Positive thinking” can also be included in chanting, meditation, and so many other modalities designed to gain control over FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.

In My experience, Positive Thinking is actually CHOOSING empowering thoughts and actions over dis-empowering ones. The same amount of time and energy spent on worrying about something that -could- happen can be spent on focusing on what you -want- to create and “Love Me Time” which allows you to get out of the way of achieving your goals. The stress that people choose to “think” with determines manifestation.

The bottom line is RESPONSIBILITY and ACTION. There is no one thing that is going to be a cure-all for every person. We are responsible for trying and adapting new things all the time and evolving along THE PROCESS OF OUR DEVELOPMENT. This requires commitment.

And cultural perspective is thrown in there, too. It’s not only what society tells you to want, it’s HOW you choose to want it. For example, “positive thinking” will only work as far as the whiny-person-who-believes-she-is-entitled-to-everything-without-making-an-effort is willing NOT to whine. In cultures that expect instant gratification and permanent healing from a pill, the idea that TOOLS such as “positive thinking,” meditation, affirmation (and everything else that is designed to RE-CONDITION your thought processes) actually require continuous exercise immediately makes people insist that the TOOLS do not work. In reality, people are not “working the tools.”

Such laziness and lack of gratitude for all that IS available to Us to figure out how to work for Our individual needs is why We have a society of fat, lazy, slovenly individuals suing McDonald’s for the fact that they CHOOSE to eat the toxic food rather than do the work to eat healthily.

All of this relates to self-worth; do you believe you are WORTHY of what you desire?

You are not entitled to anything; you have to do the work to DESERVE everything. You have to Work Your Magick (which IS everything that you choose to design in your life).

The Comfort Zone of “focusing on being the victim” is the perfect way for all these people to get rich writing books, etc., for and against everything that has worked throughout “herstory” to validate people staying in their comfort zones and whining about it.

It’s not that something that has been proven to work for a multitude of others “doesn’t work;” YOU aren’t working it.

Discipline is a good thing and self-discipline is the greatest of your powers.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom