Tag Archives: social

Outing or Protecting?

August 22, 2010 (updated November 13, 2011)

Dear Mistress Didi*,

Why is some guy on [social site] contacting me by direct message, claiming that You threw him out of Your party, and  to stay away from Your events and You?

~ perturbed

Dear perturbed,

As anyone who is familiar with Me should know by now, I have NO tolerance for bad behavior.  This is why I recently ejected a troll from a party and posted You Won’t Like My Events If… 

And I have been VERY generous in how I’ve handled his sad, little creature.  I didn’t have to “out” him; he did it himself with ludicrous attempts to destroy My Domain while unwittingly serving Me better than if I’d commanded him to serve!

If you didn’t know, this creep contacted everyone in his “friends” list on a networking site to warn them that I “threw [him] out for singing and talking to a beautiful woman.”  he continues to stalk Me (See How To Stop A Stalker) by contacting EVERYONE who responds to Me on forum posts with his nonsense (if only he’d put half that effort into becoming a better person).  Since birds of a feather flock together, folks who would believe a story like his are too stupid to attend any of My events in the first place.  So, while I believe that creatures like him are the reason that birth control should be free and sterilization mandatory, I couldn’t pay for better service to My Purpose (not that I would have to)!

The only sad things from this situation are that the 5 people who complained about him at the party had to endure him in the first place and that the “beautiful woman” was a newbie and has told Me that she is now too “creeped out” to attend any fetish events for a while.  This is a perfect example of how a distasteful individual is free to offend Us and discourage others from exploring the Beauties of The Fetish Lifestyle because no one has alerted the Community to his repugnance – and how he even made it into My event at all.  I accept full responsibility for not following My instincts – which I WILL do from now on – to deny him admission when he arrived in full, creepy fashion.  If being disrespectful and “turditudinous” (My new vocabulary word: Definition: (turd-it-TOOD-in-us: Exhibiting personality characteristics of excrement normally expunged from the anus) are his fetish, there are plenty of other events for him and his kind to indulge in.

I will not allow admission to My Events to anyone who does not show the proper respect from the moment they encounter My Domain.  Period.  I love and respect My Guests and will do everything to ensure Our good times!

Lately, I feel I am unique in that money is not My god; nor do I produce events for the sole purpose of making money.  I design events for the enjoyment of communing with like minds and like energies.  When someone offends Me and Mine, I believe it is My duty to alert The Community to prevent others from being disrespected and, perhaps, harmed by the offender.  If more people were responsible to Our Community and to the people who trust Us, and if more people were brave enough to stand up for what’s right against wrong-doers, participating in Our Community would actually be more pleasant instead of a constant flow of dealing with situations where one hopes to avoid having to navigate around “gruesomes.”

I respect The Fetish Lifestyle and I believe in having integrity in The Scene.  Sadly, far too many do not agree with having honorable intentions and participate in lying, thieving, maligning, and attempts to outright sabotage not only Me and Mine, but many others who make contributions to the ability for Us to enjoy Our Lifestyles.  Eventually, the barbarians begin to fight amongst themselves in their quests to build monopolies as they run out of people to screw over.  You see this happen all the time.

One of the many reasons that “certain” people dislike Me (aside from the obvious jealousies and, that under no circumstances, do I permit them to have free reign of My Domain) is that I WILL TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT their HEINOUS OFFENSES – and anyone who has ever encountered them will easily recognize Truth.  I also ensure that I have proof to back up My statements.  My motto is Don’t start none, won’t be none; I finish it.

Over the years, I have received “flack” from people who think that I should keep incidents of bad behavior between Me and the offenders to Myself – probably, because telling others threatens their safety zones for exposure of their own bad behaviors.  Fortunately, I am clear that I will continue to maintain circumstances for the utmost safety in My Domain and protect My guests as a good Hostess should. 

Unfortunately, covert and disreputable habits are what is to be expected as the norm these days (and this is one reason why people are rioting on Wall Street).  To permit atrocities to go unpunished by remaining silent only contributes to more atrocious behavior in the future.  I maintain that, If you’re not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.  Experience has taught Me that exposure (and punishment) of offenders is the best way to maintain the integrity of one’s Domain and protect the people you care about.

So, take My commitment to excellence as an invitation to enjoy the safety of My Events and My Domain with intelligent people who have respect, class, and integrity.  And take this as a warning, if you are a troll in any way.  My responsibility is to enjoying The Best We Can Be and I will  be responsible to Our Community even if others are not.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREEbookWorkshopsNews


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

Photography At Fetish Events

December 23, 2011

Q: Dear Mistress Didi

I am a fetish photographer and want to attend your next event to capture real life moments.  Are you one of these annoying promoters who don’t allow photography at your events?  ~ [name omitted]

Dear “flash,”

I would like a Rolls Royce complete with chauffeur.  It seems that neither of Us is going to receive what We’d like today, though I assure you that I would be much more polite in My request than you have been with yours.  Because you serve Me to answer your question for My purposes, I choose to respond to you:

The problems with photography at Fetish events in real-life are:

  • people are concerned with their privacy;
  • most photographers always think they are far more talented than they actually are;
  • most photographers think they OWN not only the photographs but all rights to the people in them; and
  • the lack of integrity and social skills of the vast majority of the population.

I do not permit any types of photography, etc. at My events EXCEPT for those provided by MY photographer.  It took a long time for Me to carefully develop a fantastic relationship of TRUST with My photographers and event guests.  I cherish these relationships and will do everything in My power to honor them.

  • NO photos are taken of anyone without their permission.
  • I maintain ALL copies of photos taken at each of My events and ONLY post photos to a private album which is available ONLY to guests of that event who (1) are in the photos and (2) who have given WRITTEN permission for the photos to be posted in the album.  In other words, NO photos are taken or posted in the private album without written consent.  Period.

The reason I maintain ALL photos is to ensure privacy control.  (On numerous occasions, I have had to fight the illegal use of My photos.  If any photos taken at any of My events are misused, I will be able to and most definitely will provide concrete evidence and support for legal action against the offender.)

This practice takes quite a bit of My time, as I make sure to handle all photos personally, and I gladly give this consideration to My guests.  I am unique in this practice and in My generosity.  Perhaps, this is because I’m an Event Designer and not just a promoter.

My suggestion to you is to develop a relationship with some other “fetish” event promoters and politely express your desire to capture photos of real-life moments.  Choose the promoter(s) carefully because if the promoter is a sleazebag, your reputation will be tainted for a LONG time WHEN he does something heinous – which is inevitable.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles:

Keeping Cool With Karma

July 2, 2010

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I have been practicing the techniques You gave us in the Domina101™ course and I must be doing something wrong.  I can’t seem to deal with this [naughty word omitted] and I just want to beat her face in every time I see her!  I remember You teaching not to let anyone bring me down to a level [where] I won’t like my behavior the next day.  But I need help!  Thank You!
~ Miss P

*****

Darling Miss P,

I wrote an entry in an earlier edition of My Newsletter about Keeping Cool With Karma which addresses exactly your issue!  I have reprinted it below.  Please note that I write My advice from My perspective, owning My responsibility for My choices and actions:

DOMINA 101 TIP:  Keeping Cool With Karma.  I believe that everyone can make a mistake and I am generous with giving people opportunities to be cool in My Domain.  Again, My Motto isDon’t start none, won’t be none, so the only times that I encounter problems with people is because they forgot themselves ~ I’ll explain.

There are far too many folks pretending to be representative of the “face they show to the world” – especially in The Fetish Scene.  They lie, cheat, make up stories about Me because they feel a serious lack of value within themselves (the “Void”).  Something about Me (or you) triggers their ability for true-self-reflection and they recognize that they are not the façade that they work too hard to convince people and themselves of.  So, instead of being inspired by Me (or you), they become “ired” (angered via jealousy and recognition that they are not what they want to believe they are) by My Truth and want to punish Us for the fact that they are “less-than.”  This is an incredibly stupid and lascivious practice that ultimately gets them in trouble, causes “unpleasantries,” and leaves them deeper in “personal debt” (The recognition of how much one is lacking as a person – usually due to the practice of making lower-energy choices which inevitably lead to a spiritual-emotional-self-love Void.).  I do My best toGuide them to become inspired instead of ired,~ meaning, choose to direct the less-evolved to avoid jealousy when they can take the high road to self-love via My inspiration.

I have always graciously given people “another chance” and, unfortunately, they seldom appreciate such a gift.  I have had people look Me in My face and lie to Me to sabotage My events and projects; steal from Me; cost Me money; twist My (or others’) words around to try to cause trouble (see My Blog post regarding Mollena); accuse Me of doing the low-life things that they would do ~ anything to try to bring Me down to their sad, little levels of awareness.  You’ve noticed that I have cut certain people out of My Domain (you suddenly don’t see them mentioned in My Newsletters; you don’t see them at events with Me anymore; I no longer promote their works; etc., and I don’t speak ill of them, which would be beneath Me).  There is a VERY good reason I have removed them.  (See Outting or Protecting and Handling My Stalkers – How To Deal With A Stalker.)

I know that Karma is a magnificent thing and I always wish accelerated karma for everyone ~ Myself included.  This is why I don’t “do retaliation.  When reality catches up to offenders, that Void becomes so large that all they can see is how much they miss the Beauty of My Energies.  Those who evolve will come back ~ how they come back determines whether or not I will allow them access to My Domain ever again.  If they really believe the stupidity that led them to attempt to take advantage of My generosity, they will remain on the fringes with that Void growing ever deeper.  If they recognize that they had a “brain fart moment,” I may give them the opportunity to prove their worthiness of knowing My kindness again.  MOST important is that they offer a proper apology, which most creeps would rather die than do!

They always come back – always.  After all, I have what they want and I do just fine without them.  And I sleep peacefully at night with a clear conscience.

Forgive the offenders.   I understand that it is a lack of self-love that causes people to offend Me.  I do pity them, but just enough to make sure that I don’t do anything to actually cause damage to them.  I forgive those who have attempted to steal from Me, take advantage of My kindness, and I even forgive those who have rewritten history to somehow make Me wrong when their horrid behavior caused Me to take action to save their lives from people threatening to “eliminate” them ~ and I mean this literallyI do not have to do anything to offenders, nor would I ever cause damage to MY KARMA, when the offenders’ behaviors will balance things out just fine – I’ve seen the truth of Karma in action on many, many occasions. 

The issue is whether the offenders can forgive themselves…  One can have a lot of fun with that… and I usually do!

“To err is human; to forgive, divine” (Alexander Pope) and I truly am a Goddess incarnate…  And it takes work!

Here are some resources for Forgiveness and for keeping your Karma straight!  You will also find great benefit from My Concepts for Forgiveness.

The Forgiveness Project works at a local, national, and international level to help build a future free of conflict and violence by healing the wounds of the past.  By collecting and sharing people’s stories, and delivering outreach programs, The Forgiveness Project encourages and empowers people to explore the nature of forgiveness and alternatives to revenge.

6 Timeless Thoughts on Forgiveness from The Positivity Blog.  I recommend subscribing to this blog ~ very good stuff!

Handling Forgiving and Forgetting from LiveStrong.com

The Gift of Forgiveness with a wonderful video

Learning To Forgive – a good how-to guide

In conclusion, I have seriously contemplated the concept of loving a person in order to forgive them.  Sometimes, you just have to say, “I love you enough to forgive you and so that I don’t hurt you, I completely release you.”  That works, too.  There is no rule that says you have to keep an offender in your Domain.  There is no rule that says you have to like a person  in order to forgive them, either.  Forgiveness is for you and your self-love first and foremost.  By being the example, you lead.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mss Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*. Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

FREE Fetish Etiquette GuideWebcam WorkshopsPartyDomme.com News


Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning. Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD. As well as being the Founder of The Fetish League, Mss Didi* is a Model, Speaker, Author, Fetish Facilitator, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Psychotherapist, Certified Nutritionist, Certified Aromatherapist, and a graduate of The Institute of Culinary Arts with a specialty in vegetarian cooking. In Her* quest to change the public’s negative view of Fetish to a positive understanding of Fetish as Therapeutic Art, Mss Didi* promotes Fetish Appreciation through Her workshops, performances, and ClassicFetish™ Events. She* believes that the goal of the Dominant-submissive relationship is self-evolution for both to grow towards becoming the best that W/we can be as individuals, to each other, and to The Whole.

Related articles: