Day 3: Ujima, Collective Work & Responsibility

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

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Today, the third day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Ujima: Collective work and responsibility.  To build and maintain your community together. To work together to help one another within your community.

Pronounced (oo-JEE-mah)

Symbol: Mazao (pronounced mah-ZAH-oh) are nuts, fruits, and vegetables symbolizing the result of the harvest.  The Mazao are placed on the Mkeka and are shared and eaten to honor the work of the people it took to grow them.  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

Whenever cooperation comes into play, each individual must first be responsible for their own “stuff.”  What always seems to be a problem is that everyone wants to be in charge without doing any actual work and without having any actual knowledge of how to get things done!

The following is a technique that I practice in My businesses and in maintaining My Domain and relationships for fairness and the care of all involved (and especially, for Myself).

I suggest making a “map” of how to proceed with all parties including:

• what the goals are
• when goals are to be accomplished by
• who is specifically responsible for which tasks (and whom their back-up will be to ensure task completions) and
• a schedule for when and how project management will be supported by all involved – meaning, have clear definitions of what happens when people fail to deliver as they promise

In this way, all parties have the opportunity to give input for the creation of clearly defined guidelines.  This permits people to be a part of the process rather than to feel like just a cog in the wheel.  Such empowerment also fosters creativity as participants have a greater sense of comfort and ease with each other and the process.

Makes sense, right?  And that’s probably why, all too often, egos get twisted and folks run amok trying to be in control to the point of sabotage!

So, before beginning any type of cooperative venture, I send a “welcome” email to all parties involved describing what I believe in and how I work.  I provide a synopsis of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  In fact, I give this book as a gift to those I mentor and I make it required reading for those who wish to serve in My Domain, as well.  The Four Agreements are:

1. Be impeccable with your word;
2. Don’t take anything personally (because people are operating from their own fantasies about your reality, as well as their own);
3. Don’t make assumptions; and
4. Always do your best.

Practicing The Four Agreements is quite the rewarding challenge.  Every day, I benefit from these simple concepts and lead a happier life with each day being better than the day before!  Check out a quick synopsis of The Four Agreements here.

However, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink!  There will always be people who choose to operate from chaos and against all intelligent thought processes.  When this happens, I strongly recommend you provide a “back-up plan”: Provide in writing exactly what YOUR terms are (also with a time schedule) to be able to do your part for the successful completion of projects, etc.  While this separates you from the collective design that was implemented, it clearly outlines your responsibilities and what is necessary for success from this point forward.  It also secures (without stating specifically that if your terms are not met) that you are not responsible for the project’s successful completion if there is deviance from the plans as stated.

The reasons for having everything in writing are:

1. You always have an easy reference(s) for all parties to review (including yourself), and
2. No one can play the “blame-you-for-their-failures game” by pretending they were not informed of what they agreed to.  You can also have proof as needed for any legal disputes and/or issues.

This is exactly why I provide a set of Rules of My Domain by email, which must be replied to by each person who wishes to indulge with Me.  Their reply is required prior to being permitted in My presence again and states that s/he has read, understood, and agreed to The Rules.

While We desire to “Play nicely,” We must remember that Our ultimate responsibilities begin and end with Ourselves.   There are always chaotic creatures who want to “get over” by being under-handed.  It is Our responsibility to do Our best to manage them away from Us and put Our energies with those who respect and appreciate Us.  Do your very best to cooperate with people who are truly about cooperation and not about anything less.  Value your talents and energies and only those who are worthy of them will be able to commune with you.

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles

• Tips To Remember Your Value
• How To Handle Disruptors
• Confusing Dominance for bullying

Day 2: Kujichagulia, Self-Determination

December 26, 2013

For the next 8 days, I will give you gifts (including some of My Beauty & Wellness Secrets) of My Creative Expressions inspired by the Principles of Kwanzaa!  Why?  Because (1) gift-giving is one of My Fetishes and this is a series of special posts to address many questions I receive about maintaining your wellness: Mind, Body and Spirit; and (2) this venture is part of My continuing gifts to improve the state of the Fetish Scene (and beyond) today, which, as with all things, begins and ends with each of Us.  So, I give you opportunities to expand your awareness and education, and to enjoy being creative!

The Kwanzaa tradition was founded in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga who created a uniquely, African-American and Pan-African holiday which is celebrated from December 26th through January 1st. Kwanzaa is related to many African celebrations of the first harvest.  (Read more on Holidays.net.)

 *****

Today, the second day of Kwanzaa’s Principles is Kujichagulia (self-determination): To be responsible for ourselves. To create your own destiny.

Pronounced koo-jee-chah-goo-LEE-ah

Symbol: The Kinara (kee-NAH-rah) symbolizes stalks of corn that branch off to form new stalks, much as the human family is created.    Representing our African ancestors, the Kinara holds the seven candles that symbolize the Nguzo Saba (The 7 Principles). The Kinara is placed on the Mkeka (the Mat) and holds the Mishumaa Saba (the seven candles).  Note:  There are 7 Symbols of Kwanzaa.  I have included them in no specific order.

Kujichagulia is My favorite, personal Kwanzaa Principle because each year, I reflect on what I’ve learned about Myself and how I am in the world in order to choose how I want to evolve to BEing Better than I’ve ever been before!

The way to do this is to ACCEPT YOURSELF, which means to allow yourself to be a human being with all your “faults,” “mistakes,” and “fears” – self-defined, and as defined by others usually intending to control you.  The one thing that can be narrowed down from all other things that make Us the most unhappy is JUDGMENT – self-judgment and accepting the judgments of others. 

To BE Your Best, you have to be brave enough to:

1.  Face Your Fears (Remember, FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real).

2.  Accept Responsibility For Your Actions.  In other words, give up the “blame game” (also known as the “make wrong game”) because even under the most dire circumstances, you have choices.  Most decisions are based on the fear of imagined consequences.

3. Forgive Yourself (and others) for not living up to your expectations (a.k.a. delusions).  The more you hold onto “making wrong” (yourself and/or others), the longer you will remain in the stagnation that separates you from being happy and having valid pride in yourself.  (Of course, if you are a total creep, you should make yourself wrong for heinous behavior and take every step to improve your existence.)  The questions to ask are: How do I want the end of my life to be? to feel?  How do I want to feel now?  Am I living in ways to deserve that?

4. Choose To Become Aware Of Your Motivations To Better Choose Your Desired Behavior.  In this world of distraction upon distraction at Our fingertips with a swipe, it’s even easier to avoid the all-too-often-ugly-truth behind WHY you do what you do.  Repeat Steps 1 through 3 above so that you won’t be a prisoner to subconscious – and “sub-conscience” – influences that inevitably serve to make you feel bad about being you.

5. Be honest about what you want AND allow yourself to deserve it.  It will be no surprise should you discover while taking the Steps above that you, too, are a product of the “social stratification machine” that is designed to keep you a slave to those who control your world – economically, socially, religiously, etc.  Now, don’t get caught up in the blame-game!  Take a deep breath, look at how and when you get “caught up” in making yourself wrong, and repeat Steps 2 and 3 above.  This practice is the power for success in your Personal Evolution.  The questions to ask are: Who do I want to be? How do I want to feel about being me?  Don’t judge the answers; observe them to see what your next steps can be.

6. TRUST that you will be fine – better than fine; GREAT!  This is having faith (Imani, Kwanzaa Principle Day 7) in yourself.  This takes you back to Step 1 above, facing your fears in order to discover what blocks you from being your best – and being worthy of your best.

Yes, this is work – often hard and scary.  Isn’t The Gift Of Your Life worth making the best of it?  Aren’t you worthy of living a fulfilling life of joy and personal contentment?  If your immediate answer was not a resounding YES, the question to ask is: Why not?

And if that’s not motivation enough for you, all of the above will strengthen you against the onslaughts of the jealous and petty who want to see you fail because they are too cowardly to work on themselves to BE Better.

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” – M. Scott Peck

“Be of good cheer. Do not think of today’s failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.” – Helen Keller

See related articles at the bottom of this post.

Here’s to BEing Your Best!

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mss Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of Mss Didi*s Words of Wisdom

Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, Mss Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips“) and Fetish Event Planning.  Mss Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

Related articles

• How To Handle Lizard-brain Thinking Attacks
• Forgiveness
• Feel Good & Empowered: Practice Gratitude